


Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll (Go Light on the Rock and Roll)

by PearOfTheStars



Series: Grunge AU works [1]
Category: Asagao Academy: Normal Boots Club
Genre: A lot of swearing like just a ton of it, Also sorry Jeff, And the violence it gets pretty wild folks, Arson, Blood and Violence, F/M, Gang Violence, Guns, I'm sorry Caddy, Innuendo, Knives, M/M, Please take the smoking warnings seriously there's a whole chapter dedicated to it, Smoking, Text screenshot chapters, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Underage Smoking, sad teens, sorry everyone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-07-08 18:51:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 32
Words: 40,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19874389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PearOfTheStars/pseuds/PearOfTheStars
Summary: High school is rough as is. For Caddy, transferring to a new school a fourth of the way into the year only to wind up dealing with stuck up rich kids stepping on his heels, becoming friends with eccentric anarchists, and hiding from a haunting past only makes it that much more of a wild ride.Completed!





	1. In The Beginning...

**Author's Note:**

> Wow! It's finally here! The grunge boys!
> 
> Big, big thanks to Hawkogirl and idontknowhowtoread (heatherpotts) for beta-ing and generally being awesome!
> 
> Also thanks to my good friends Keetz and Walnut, as well as my lovely partner, for being there to listen to me ramble on about this for ages and also helping here and there. 
> 
> Special thanks to Cae, who prompted me to finish this after I'd been stuck at seven chapters for months.
> 
> Shout out to the discord squad, y'all are amazing.
> 
> This has been 8 months in the works and it's wild to me that it's finally done and going up.
> 
> Without further ado, let's get this shit-show started.

_Texts from Jeff_

* * *

* * *


	2. Welcome to Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caddy's first day at his new school is eventful, to say the least.

A tour around his new school  _ sounded _ like it would have been helpful. Maybe it would have given Caddy a chance to get the lay of the land, to mentally mark where what he considered important was, to get his bearings. That would have been  _ very _ useful, no doubt.

Caddy, however, had by now already forgotten which way was the library and which was the lunchroom. He wasn’t really fantastic at this whole ‘transferring in the second semester’ thing; when everyone else already knew their way around and he was left with his own terrible sense of direction to lead him to classes; no doubt only to wind up embarrassing himself in front of the kids who already knew their way.

“-And here’s the chemistry lab,” Caddy’s unenthusiastic guide waved a hand at a door they passed on their way down the hall. “You probably won’t be using it all year, though.”

“Oh?” Caddy struggled to keep up with the other boy leading him around. Another Brit, as if whatever welcoming committee the school had thought it would be nice for him to be the one showing Caddy around. The thought was well-meant, but this guy was… something else.

What was his name again…? Sh-… Shawn? Shane! That was it, Shane.

“Mhmm,” Shane shrugged with a hum of dismissal. “It got caught on fire last semester, so-”

“S-sorry,” Caddy butted in. Shane shot him a side-glance that told him that interruption wasn’t appreciated. “It caught on  _ fire _ ?”

“Well, more specifically, someone caught it on fire. Over the weekend, too,” Shane shrugged again, continuing on his way down the corridors with Caddy on his heels. “Still don’t really know who did it.”

“Do… Do things like that happen often…?” 

“Yeah, occasionally,” Shane shrugged once more; he seemed to do that quite a lot. Caddy made a strangled whine. “No one has ever gotten hurt, though, if that’s what you’re worried about. Not on school grounds, at least.”

“Great,” Caddy grumbled. “That’s  _ really  _ reassuring.”

He hadn’t even been here an hour and already he could tell this year would be a bloody mess. It was his own fault he was here, because of course it was. His parents thought a private academy would be good for him, but it didn’t take long for him to be sucked into the wrong crowd. Snotty rich kids who thought they could get away with anything and crumpled when the consequences caught up with them…

Honestly, thinking back on it, being expelled wasn’t the worst thing that could have happened…

Caddy stopped himself short of running directly into Shane’s back when the other boy abruptly halted.

“We’re back at the front office, it’s through there,” He gestured to a set of double doors where they had started their little tour.

Shane then turned to an extremely large bulletin board next to the set of doors, covered completely in layers of papers: notices, reminders for events, post-it notes with random doodles on them.

“If you’re interested in any extra-curricular or events or the like, it’ll be on here. Somewhere,” Shane sighed heavily, moving to face Caddy. “And that’s basically everything. Questions? Comments? Concerns?”

“I think I’ve got everything,” Caddy nodded to himself after a moment’s thought. He  _ definitely  _ did not have everything. He smiled tightly. “Thanks.”

“Alright,” Shane stuffed his hands into his pockets without any further care. “See you around, then. Try not to get into trouble.”

With that, he turned on his heel and walked off, turning down a hallway and disappearing, leaving Caddy alone.

“Yeah, see you…” Caddy sighed. This was fine. He was going to be fine.

It was fine!

It wasn’t really though.

He hated being alone. In a new school. Where, despite having just been shown around, he didn’t  _ really  _ know his way around. He would have asked Shane to stay with him for the first day if the other Brit wasn’t so apathetic and cold. Besides, they were in separate grades, it wasn’t like he’d be around all day.

Caddy took a deep breath and sighed again. Well, while he was here he might as well look at the notice board, maybe there was something he’d enjoy. Somewhere…

The corkboard was a terrible mess. Papers were pinned directly on top of each other, some of them were torn in places. Others looked like they had been ripped off the board, crumpled and stepped on, then re-pinned. Caddy didn’t even know where to start.

There were student band applications; Caddy played instruments, but a band seemed like a commitment… Sports, choir, orchestra, theatre… And oh dear  _ God _ , what was  _ that _ .

A  _ very _ bright, almost distasteful shade of yellow stuck out from under a sea of papers as Caddy flicked through them. A large square of the color sat proudly at the top of the page, a white, pixelated question mark on top of it.

_ Hidden Block _ , the paper read in a bold font. It had three bullet points underneath: ‘screaming’, ‘vidjya gamez’, and ‘no assholes allowed’. Under that were some… very ugly words Caddy had no desire to repeat, even in his own head, written in many different markers, pens, and scrawls.

Caddy frowned at the berating, specifically the one line written alongside the tear someone had made by ripping off a majority of the bottom of the paper, leaving just one small tab with a phone number on it hanging on despite being half torn.

‘None of you deserve friends’, it said.

Caddy’s frown deepened. What did this  _ Hidden Block _ group do to provoke this? He was tempted to take the last phone number tab purely out of spite for the people attacking the group, and curiosity… Also, he did like video games.

Both got the better of him, and he tore the last tab the rest of the way off. 

He abandoned the rest of the notice board for the moment, starting slowly down the hallway in the same direction Shane headed off in, bringing out his phone and adding the number from the paper to his contacts.

It would be weird to just call out of nowhere, right? Also, Caddy didn’t feel like having a chat over the phone. He shot the number a simple text, instead. 

‘Hello?’ Question mark and all, because really, he had no idea what he was getting himself into.

-

First period passed without a response from the mystery group, but it wasn’t uneventful. His teacher had called him James during attendance, and he visibly winced.

“Could you put my name down as Caddy, please?” He asked, raising his hand to confirm his attendance. His homeroom teacher shot him a strange look, but then nodded and took her pen, scribbling something down on her record sheet. Caddy almost breathed a sigh of relief; that was far easier than he was anticipating. He had not been looking forward to being called James all year if he wasn’t able to change it.

But before he could relax, he heard snickers and whispers off to his side. He thought he caught a scoff and a “Wow, another pretentious prick who has a dumb nickname?” 

He clenched his fists and ignored it.

-

He had, again, thankfully been able to get his maths teacher to change his name on attendance, and again was met with odd murmurs. What was wrong with going by a nickname?

Aside from that, second period was dead boring.

-

As Caddy was dragging his feet to his next class, already not looking forward to having to ask for his name to be changed  _ again  _ and be surrounded by strange whispers  _ again _ , he felt a buzz in his pocket. Far too excited about the possibility of it being a text from a stranger, he quickly fished out his phone.

-

_ Hidden Block number: OwO who’s this? _

_ Hidden Block number: annd wtf do you want _

-

Caddy stared at the response he’d received for a moment, completely unsure of how to respond.

_ I found your number on the school notice board _ , he settled on,  _ it was on a poster. _

He hit send, hoping that it didn’t take hours for whoever was on the other side of the conversation to respond again. Luckily, a response was almost immediate.

-

_ Hidden Block number: oooooh lmfao I thought someone burned that _

_ Hidden Block number: someone threatened to, anyway _

_ Hidden Block number: ANYWHO _

_ Hidden Block number: what has you interested in HB? _

_ Caddy: To be honest, I was just looking at the board and the yellow caught my eye _

_ Caddy: And the poster said you play video games _

_ Caddy: Well, ‘vidjya gamez’ _

_ Hidden Block number: LOL _

_ Hidden Block number: wallid is a dumbass nerd I forgot he did that _

_ Hidden Block number: but hell yeah we play games _

_ Hidden Block number: hey what’s your name? cuz rn I’m just havin a chat with ‘unknown number’ _

_ Caddy: Oh, it’s Caddy, I guess. _

_ Hidden Block number: rad _

_ Hidden Block number: hey, it’s almost lunch break, u wanna say hey? _

-

Woah, this was moving fast.  _ Did _ Caddy want to meet up with whoever he was talking to at lunch? They seemed fine enough, and it meant that he probably wouldn’t be sitting alone, which was a plus. There wasn’t really a reason not to…

-

_ Caddy: Sure. _

_ Hidden Block number: cool cool _

_ Hidden Block number: see you then ;) _

-

The rest of his classes passed quickly, and soon enough Caddy found himself being swept along in the thrall of students excited to get to the cafeteria. It was only when he was nearly there that he realized that A), he had no idea what the person he had texted with looked like and B), they didn’t know what he looked like either.

He stepped off to the side, standing away from the cafeteria doors and pulling out his phone again.

-

_ Caddy: Where should I meet you? _

_ Caddy: I’m standing by the doors if that helps. _

_ Hidden Block number: 1 sec I’ll send wallid to get u _

_ Hidden Block number: cuz im lazy lmao _

-

Caddy sighed and pocketed his phone. He leaned back against the wall and crossed his arms, patiently waiting. It didn’t take long for someone to approach him.

“Caddy, I’m assuming?” A boy with black hair and wire-frame glasses asked with a quirk of his eyebrow. He had a pin on the front of his jacket with the same gaudy yellow square from earlier, highly contrasting the monochrome of the rest of his ensemble; a gray zip-up hoodie, black slacks, and converse. Though, his shoelaces were neon green on the right and traffic-cone orange on the left.

“Uh, yeah,” Caddy stood more upright, clearing his throat. He awkwardly held his hand out for a handshake. “And you’re-”

“Dude!” The boy who Caddy assumed to be Wallid interrupted him, a grin splitting across his face. “Jimmy’s been talking all day about the person who found our old poster. We thought someone burned it!”

“So I was told,” Caddy laughed awkwardly, his hand still hovering in place. Wallid, who seemed to have just noticed Caddy’s hand, took it, and immediately started walking towards the back of the cafeteria. Caddy, slightly stunned, allowed himself to be pulled along.

People stared at them as they went past, more specifically Wallid, though Caddy felt some wandering eyes on his back, as well. What was with people and staring at him today?

Wallid led Caddy to a table in the corner, where two other boys sat. One of them Caddy had to assume was Jimmy, considering he was currently on his phone, and the other looked completely zoned out, staring straight into the void with a vacant expression.

Assumed-to-be Jimmy looked up, lighting up with an excited smile as soon as he spotted Wallid and Caddy, bouncing in his seat until the other two drew nearer. 

“Hey!” He chirped, leaning across the table with his hand stuck out as Wallid sat down next to him. Caddy took a moment’s hesitation, before sitting as well, on the other side of Wallid. “You’re Caddy?”

“Yeah,” Caddy responded simply, taking probably-Jimmy’s hand and shaking it lightly.

“Neat, I’m Jimmy,” Confirmed-to-be-Jimmy said. He wore a large, pale blue jumper, the sleeves hanging loosely around his arms. A pin identical to Wallid’s sat on the collared shirt peeking out from underneath the neck of his sweater. Caddy caught a glint of flat, black studs in his ears, and the light pink rosebud crown wasn’t easy to miss.

“I like your flower crown,” Caddy noted.

“Thank you,” Jimmy smiled bashfully, a light blush rising to his face as his hand came up to touch one of the flowers gently. “I like your jacket.”

“Oh, thanks,” Caddy tugged at the sleeves of his leather jacket. It was a comfort item for him, and since he was allowed to wear it – the school didn’t have a uniform – he took the opportunity. “It was a gift from my sister.”

“Aww, that’s sweet,” Jimmy giggled, resituating himself back into his seat. “Does she go here too?”

“Er, no…” Caddy cringed. She was still at the academy. Because she was a good girl who didn’t get caught with an empty gun in her hands…

“Oh,” Jimmy blinked. He opened his mouth, no doubt to ask why that was, but was quickly cut off.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Wallid clapped his hands together. “But Jeff looks like he’s about to fall over. You okay, buddy?”

The other boy at the table, who until that point had been completely silent, finally dragged his eyes off of empty space. He breathed an exhausted sigh, carding his fingers through his hair. He ripped through the tangles created by dry, frizzed, over-bleached tips that still held a hint of faded electric blue.

“I’m fine,” Jeff’s voice cracked subtly. He sighed again and let his chin rest in his hand, covered by a few inches of sweater-paws from a baggy pullover. “I didn’t really sleep, like, all weekend. ‘M just tired, sorry.”

“ _ Jee _ , I wonder why,” Jimmy said with a smug look on his face. Caddy didn’t understand it, but Wallid snorted.

“Knock it off, Jimmy,” Jeff scoffed and rolled his eyes. “It’s not like that.”

“Was… that… a sex joke?” Caddy guessed, terribly confused. Jimmy burst into raucous laughter and Wallid was sputtering, leaning against Jimmy as he tried to keep his breath. Caddy still didn’t get it.

“They do this a lot,” Jeff shook his head at the two boys losing their minds.

“O-oh my God, Caddy,” Wallid wheezed, clapping a hand on the Brit’s shoulder, still breathing light bouts of laughter. “I’m sorry, we’re not laughing at you. B-but the look on your face-!”

He fell into unceremonious giggles, leaving Caddy still mildly confused.

“What are we laughing about?” A new voice asked from behind Caddy. He looked around, finding two more people making their way up to the table. They were both  _ quite _ tall.

The one who had just spoken passed the other by just a few inches, a snapback firmly on his head and headphones hanging around his neck. An extremely bright graphic tee was barely visible under a black and white bomber jacket. Scuffed up Vans had musical notes drawn on the toe in black permanent marker.

The other one looked like he’d dropped out of a gothic fashion magazine. Black nail polish that was so chipped it barely looked like they were done right in the first place. Black, tight jeans that hugged his legs, similarly dark ankle boots. The only things he was wearing that weren’t black were the white blouse and the small, silver hoop earrings. His long hair was pulled back in a lazy clasp with an, unsurprisingly black, alligator clip.

Both of them had the same yellow block pin tacked to their shirts proudly.

“Luke!” Jimmy exclaimed. He attempted to calm himself down, fanning his face with his hands. “Hammy’s banging PBG again and the new kid did a good good funny.”

“ _ What? _ ” Jeff squawked indignantly. “I am not!”

“New kid?” Luke tipped his head to the side, seemingly just now noticing Caddy and completely ignoring Jeff’s defensiveness. “Oh! Hey, new kid.”

He smiled and waved down at Caddy. Caddy awkwardly waved back, pulling his hand down quickly when he realized that was probably dumb.

“You’re in my spot,” The boy standing next to Luke said coldly, fixing Caddy with a gray look of disdain.

“Give him a break, Moose,” Wallid slung an arm around Caddy’s shoulder, sticking his tongue out at the taller boy. 

“Yeah, Ian, don’t worry about it, dude,” Luke patted him on the arm, moving to take a seat of his own. Ian narrowed his eyes, but followed Luke, begrudgingly sitting on the other side of Jeff.

“…Moose?” Caddy questioned, gaining a hearty glare from Ian.

“Yeah,” Luke grinned, answering for Ian. “Like BrutalMoose.”

“Luke,” Ian warned. “Stop.”

“We call him Moosey sometimes- hey!” Ian cut Luke off with a light smack to the shoulder. Caddy snorted.

“BrutalMoose? No offense, but that sounds like a porn site,” Caddy spoke without thinking. Jimmy began cackling again.

“Offense taken,” Ian sneered. 

“Is it a nickname?” Caddy continued, undeterred by Ian’s burning glare. “Did you come up with it yourself?”

“We all kinda have nicknames,” Luke hummed. “We’ve got Moosey, Hammy-” Luke started, pointing at Ian and then Jeff.

“SpaceHamster,” Jeff quickly interjected.

“Yungtown,” Luke pointed up at himself, flashing a large grin. “Wallid there is Balrog, aaaand…” His finger hovered over Jimmy.

“It’s just Jimmy,” The boy in the blue sweater said quickly.

“Pretzel man,” Jeff mumbled with a slight grin.

“ _ Nintendo fan _ ,” Wallid heckled.

“It’s. Just. Jimmy.” Jimmy scrunched his shoulders up, looking well like a pissed-off cat.

“Why so many nicknames?” Caddy’s brow furrowed in confusion. “And, again no offense, weird ones at that.”

Before anyone moved to answer, a nagging thought in the back of Caddy’s mind made him continue.

“You guys aren’t… like… a gang, are you?” Instead of the hurried rush to prove him wrong, like he was hoping for, all of the Hidden Block members at the table looked around at each other in confusion.

“Are we a gang?”

“Not… really?”

“We’re a club. Is that like… a non-threatening gang?”

“How do gangs work?”

“I haven’t punched anyone since the second grade,” Jimmy blurted out in distress. Everyone turned to stare at him.

“Well, I don’t think you can be in a gang without really knowing you’re in one, so,” Caddy heaved a breathy laugh. He was silently relieved.

“Unless gangs can work like cults…” Jeff hummed.

“Stop,” Wallid clapped his hands over his ears. “I don’t know who we are anymore.”

“Speaking of that,” Ian turned his attention to the Brit at the table. “Who are you again?”

“Caddy,” Said Caddy.

“He found the old poster on the bulletin board,” Jimmy explained.

“I thought someone burned that,” Ian raised an eyebrow. 

“Why do you all keep saying that?” Caddy wondered aloud.

“We’re not…” Jeff fished for the right words, scrunching his nose up. “We’re not  _ particularly  _ well-liked.”

“Someone was like,  _ you fuckers shouldn’t be adding more innocent people to your sin club, go to hell, blargh _ , and told us they were going to burn our posters,” Wallid clarified. “None of us really bothered to check if they did, I guess.”

“Oh,” Caddy frowned. He supposed that explained the harassment on the paper. “That’s terrible.”

“Yeah,” Jimmy shrugged. “But after a while, you just kinda get numb to it. Or at least get good at lying to yourself.”

Everyone else around the table murmured in agreement. Caddy’s frown deepened significantly.

“People are assholes,” He huffed.

“Amen,” Luke clapped loudly. “Anyway! Bummer subject. Back to the nicknames. We all have them for different reasons.”

“Yeah,” Jimmy snickered, happy that the subject was changed so quickly. “Like Jeff got his from-”

“I was young and curious!” Jeff exclaimed, flustered, throwing his hands into the air.

“You taped a hamster ball – with a hamster in it, mind you – to a pressure rocket,” Wallid noted as if to remind him.

“And he had a cute little space helmet I made him, too,” Jeff sighed fondly. “Adorable.”

“Animal abuse,” Ian said bluntly.

“ _ UNINTENTIONALLY DANGEROUS CHILDHOOD EXPERIMENT! _ ” Jeff wailed. “He was fine, anyway."

“The past is in the past, but we will never let you live it down,” Luke beamed, reaching over Ian to pat Jeff on the shoulder. Jeff grumbled, crossing his arms and sinking lower into his seat.

Caddy chuckled to himself. These guys were… interesting so far, to say the least, that was for certain. If nothing else, he’d found an entertaining group to sit with during lunches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First real chapter woohoo!


	3. Normal Boots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caddy learns about the other club at the school.

“Who are they?” Caddy asked one day. 

It had been almost a week since his transfer.

He’d slowly been warming up to the Hidden Block crew. Keyword being slowly. 

They were… an  _ eccentric _ lot, that was indisputable. But, they were kind enough not to push Caddy to talk about himself, they didn’t go behind his back and dig through rumors about his personal life, they didn’t have a leash around his neck made out of blackmail and lies…

Not yet, at least. He hadn’t given them enough time.

He had still yet to tell them about his expulsion or the reason for it… but it had only been a week, and he figured if he was  _ ever _ going to tell them, it would have to be much further down the road.

“Hmm?” Ian looked up for a moment. Once his gaze landed on the table full of green jackets Caddy had indicated to his entire being deflated. “Oh…” 

“Surprised you haven’t heard anything about them yet,” Luke chuckled lightly, though there was a twinge of a grimace in his smile. “That’s Normal Boots. Similar premise to our little group, except… Well...”

“Except?” Caddy raised an eyebrow.

“They’re all rich brats,” Wallid shrugged. “Basically.”

“That’s not true. They’re extremely nice,” Jeff rebutted, his brows furrowing. “Most of them, at least…”

“If they’re… well off, what are they doing here?” Caddy asked nervously.

“They all got kicked out of that academy on the other side of town for one reason or another,” Luke explained.

“O-oh…” Caddy stammered. Great…

“And yet, somehow they end up in less trouble than we do,” Jimmy sighed.

“Maybe it’s because they learned their lessons, and they’re not actually doing anything wrong,” Wallid shrugged. “But we all know that’s bull. I think it’s because they bribe the teachers, but that’s just me.”

“Wallid,” Ian sighed in exasperation. “For the last time-”

“I’m just saying!” Wallid exclaimed. “How else did they get away with the triple threat trio setting fire to the chemi- _ mmh! _ ”

Wallid was promptly cut off by both Luke and Jimmy slapping their palms over his mouth.

“That wasn’t them…” Jeff started. Wallid made an indignant noise from behind Luke and Jimmy’s hands, grabbing them both by the wrist and fighting to pull them away.

“Bullshit!” Wallid pointed a finger at Jeff in accusation. Jeff’s eyes widened slightly. “Who else that isn’t faculty has keys to the classrooms and the main gate?! The student council president, that’s who!”

“Keep your voice down,” Ian hissed. “Whether or not you’re right, if they hear you, you’re as good as dead.”

Wallid opened his mouth, ready to respond angrily but closed it just as quickly. He seemed to shrink in on himself, sending a brief, nervous glance over to the Normal Boots table. None of the boys with green jackets showed even a remote sign of having heard Wallid’s slander. He breathed a tiny sigh of relief.

Caddy could feel his palms clamming up already.

“They’re not… They’re not  _ dangerous _ , are they?” He could feel his nails biting into his hands. “You don’t mean actually…  _ dead _ .”

“Oh,  _ God  _ no,” Jeff hurriedly clarified. He was fidgeting nervously with the strings on his hoodie, sending fleeting looks over to the other club’s table.

“You might as well be,” Ian scoffed. “To the rest of the school, at least.”

“…How so?” Caddy asked cautiously.

“They’re terrifying,” Ian’s lips curled into a bitter frown. “You know  _ why _ they’re terrifying?”

Caddy shook his head.

“Because they get  _ whatever they want, _ ” Ian sneered coldly. “If they  _ wanted _ , they could have every single person in this school on their knees. If they wanted, we wouldn’t still be a club. If they wanted to ruin someone, they could do it in an afternoon. If they wanted you gone, you wouldn’t exist to anyone anymore. They are the kings here, and before you get into any shit while you’re here, make sure you understand that.”

“But… I-I don’t understand,” Caddy hated this… “I  _ don’t _ understand. How? Why?”

_ Not again _ , was all he could think.

“They own everything,” Jimmy said, a mix between solemn and bitter.

“Student government, school paper, sports teams, pretty much every other extracurricular. The goddamn  _ library _ . If there’s dirt on you, they have every way to get it, and every way to spread it,” Ian continued. “They’re misfit outcasts who were all expelled, came here, and banded together. At the same time, they could buy the whole school and everyone in it.”

“You make it sound like they’re tyrants,” Jeff laughed awkwardly, just a little too loud and forced. He turned to Caddy with a smile. “They really aren’t as bad as Ian is making them out to be.”

“At least I’m not making out  _ with _ them,” Ian grumbled. Jeff’s face fell instantly.

“What is your problem?” Jeff snapped, scowling deeply at Ian across the table. “Why do you always turn it on me?

“ _ My _ problem?  _ You’re _ the one setting yourself up for the worst fall, here. By extension, all of us.”

“At least I’m keeping us on their good side. Sorry I’m not actively trying to dismantle their system, but at least I’m not making it worse.”

“Not doing anything  _ is _ making it worse. You’re letting  _ him  _ make you think you need to stay in line-”

“He is  _ not _ trying to control me!” Jeff shouted back, his voice trembling. Caddy was suddenly aware of the dramatic shift in tone the conversation had. The subject had changed in an instant. Next to Caddy, Jimmy sucked in a breath.

“If you don’t want to see things get ugly, go now,” He whispered under the sound of Jeff and Ian bickering. “You’re still new here, you’re allowed to leave.”

Caddy remained glued to his seat, watching the yelling match rage on. He was aware of people’s eyes on them by now. People across the cafeteria paused their conversations and turned to watch the mayhem.

Caddy didn’t even know what they were fighting about, and it didn’t seem like either of them had any shortage of rebuffs for the other’s accusation.

“Did it ever occur to you that I might be fucking  _ happy _ ?” Jeff sobbed. Only then did Caddy realize the beginnings of tears forming in his eyes. “That maybe it’s not just a charade anymore to keep you guys out of trouble, maybe I actually  _ care _ about him? In case you forget, I’ve known him twice as long as I’ve known  _ any _ of you. Maybe, just  _ maybe _ I actually give a shit. It’s not  _ just _ me making sure none of your bullshit ends up on the front page of the school newspaper, although that’s just a fucking bonus, I guess.”

Jeff slammed his palms on the table as he stood and walked away, not looking back.

He stormed past the Normal Boots table on his way to the exit, catching the attention of one tall boy who stood and jogged to catch up with Jeff as they both passed through the cafeteria doors.

“ _ Great _ ,” Ian muttered through gritted teeth. “ _ Fantastic _ .”

Luke sighed and put a hand on a seething Ian’s shoulder. Ian took a few deep breaths, but the anger prevalent on his face remained.

Caddy still sat idly, not sure what to do. His eyes flickered to the table with the boys with green jackets, finding a few of them giving their table sideways glances in return.

_ Not again… _


	4. The Fight On The Field

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's this? The sweet smell of... exposition? 
> 
> Ian and Caddy have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings for bullying and minor violence

A few days had passed since Jeff’s outburst during lunch, a fight between him and Ian concerning something Caddy still wasn’t sure he knew the full story behind had ended with Jeff storming off. He hadn’t come to the usual club table for lunch since then, even after the weekend passed. Heck, Caddy hadn’t even seen him around campus. He would have asked around, but he didn’t know anyone in the fourth year well enough.

Ian, for one, didn’t seem concerned. He didn’t vocalize any stray thoughts about where Jeff was, at the very least. No one in Hidden Block did. Caddy had caught a fair share of worried glances thrown at both Jeff’s empty seat at the table as well as the Normal Boots club, but still, no one said anything. It was almost like for a few days Jeff simply stopped existing.

It wasn’t until late into a school day that Caddy saw him again. 

Caddy was at his locker, packing the necessary books for his last period class into his bag. He was startled by a shy tap on his shoulder, pausing for a moment to look over, only to find that it was Jeff who had called for his attention.

“Hey,” Jeff said, a weak, watery smile on his face. “Caddy… Do you have a minute?”

Caddy’s mouth went dry. He wasn’t sure what he should say. Jeff didn’t seem to be on the best of terms with Hidden Block, currently. Would any of them be mad at him for talking with Jeff?

“I guess,” Caddy finally said, shifting uncomfortably.

“Oh, thank God,” Jeff whispered quietly under his breath. “No one else will pick up. I’ve tried calling and texting, believe me. They won’t answer me…”

His gaze shifted to the floor as he trailed off. He stood with his hands balled into awkward fists at his side, nervously flexing his fingers.

“I really hate to pull you into this or get you caught in any crossfire, you’re still new,” Jeff mumbled apologetically. “But I’m desperate. Please,  _ please _ , just tell Ian I’m… I’m so sorry, and I want to talk to him, or anyone.”

Caddy looked Jeff over. He seemed genuinely upset, and his apology seemed real.

“I’ll let him know,” Caddy nodded. A look of pure relief washed over Jeff’s face.

“Thank you,” Jeff breathed easily. Caddy nodded again. Jeff gave him a small, thankful smile as he began to back away shyly. Caddy turned back to his books, but didn’t miss Jeff padding over to the same tall boy from a few days ago; the same one from the Normal Boots table that had trailed Jeff out of the cafeteria. 

Jeff had moved far enough away that Caddy couldn’t catch exactly what the specifics of their exchange was, especially over the noise of the crowded hallway, but they were talking, that was for sure.

Jeff beamed up at the taller boy, who in return gave him a pleased smile, reaching up and gently tucking a frayed strand of sun-bleached-blue hair behind Jeff’s ear. They spoke for a moment before moving to walk down the hallway, the Normal Boots boy’s hand pressed against the small of Jeff’s back as he lead them around a corner.

-

“Finally, I found you,” Caddy declared loudly and triumphantly as he approached the football field. The school bell had rung for the last time that day, but Caddy still had a mission. He had mulled over it his entire last period, wondering just what exactly he’d gotten himself into.

Ian spared Caddy a momentary glance from atop the bleachers. He was sitting on the highest row of benches, even though there was no one else on any other row. There actually wasn’t anyone else in the entire vicinity, aside from the football team practicing a fair ways away.

“Oh… it’s you,” Ian diverted his attention back to the pad of paper in his lap. Caddy caught the sound of pencil graphite scraping against paper as he drew nearer.

“I talked with Jeff,” Caddy said once he had clambered his way up to the row of benches in front of Ian.

“Oh yeah?” Ian scoffed, not even looking up from his sketchpad.

“Yeah,” Caddy replied. “He said he was sorry, and that he wants to talk.”

“Well you can tell Jeff that  _ he _ can come and find me and say that to my face instead of trying to text everyone like a fucking coward,” Ian snapped.

“I’m not a bloody messenger,” Caddy huffed. He sat down heavily on the bench one down from Ian. Ian just shook his head, breathing a low sigh out through his nose.

The sound of pencil scratching against paper continued. Caddy sighed.

“You draw?” Caddy prompted after a minute. His message wasn’t well-received, it seemed, but he was already there. Might as well make conversation.

Ian abruptly halted whatever it was he was doing in his sketchbook, fixing Caddy with an uninterested stare before snapping the pad of paper closed.

“It’s personal,” He replied coldly, moving to slide the sketchbook into his bag.

“Oh,” Caddy said simply. “Well, what are you doing drawing out here? There has to be a better place to hang out then the top of the bleachers.”

“It’s quiet here,” Ian retorted. “God, you ask so many questions.”

“Oh,” Caddy echoed himself. He then went quiet, prompting Ian to shake his head and sigh, as it seemed like he had a habit of doing, and pull out his phone.

Caddy stayed silent for a handful of minutes, bouncing a question he’d had for days now around in his head, trying to pick the best words to ask it with.

“A few days ago,” Caddy eventually started, making sure he saw Ian’s eyes flicker away from his phone for even a split second to make sure he was paying attention. “When you and Jeff were… When you were arguing, it seemed like… Almost like the subject changed. You started talking about someone trying to keep him in line or something.”

Ian slowly put his phone down as Caddy continued.

“I haven’t been here long, but it seems like I’m already a part of whatever is going down right now. I’d like to actually know what I got myself into.”

Ian looked Caddy over with an expression Caddy couldn’t place.

“Fine,” Ian said after a stuffy moment of silence. “You should know.”

Ian cleared his throat and Caddy shifted in his seat.

“Jeff has… a  _ thing _ with PBG,” Ian began.

“The tall guy? In Normal Boots?” The same one from earlier, Caddy guessed. Ian hummed and nodded in confirmation.

“They’re… close.”

“I guessed about that much.”

“They’ve known each other for years, since early elementary school. They were practically joined at the hip,” Ian mused, keeping his gaze purposefully away from Caddy.

“Were?” Caddy raised an eyebrow.

“For high school, PBG’s parents sent him to the academy,” Ian sighed. “Obviously, that didn’t end well. But while he was there, he and Jeff drifted apart. Jeff joined Hidden Block in his second year, back when Jimmy and Wallid were still in middle school and Luke and I…”

Ian trailed off. He cleared his throat quickly before continuing.

“Anyways, Jeff made new friends, and so did PBG, I’d assume. But then PBG got expelled from the academy and came here. He brought the basis of Normal Boots with him, and the rest of the rich delinquents flocked to him. Jeff was thrilled to have PBG back, but what with Normal Boots’ takeover and all, it wasn’t exactly the smartest idea to jump back into a friendship.”

“Right…” Caddy was beginning to understand. Sort of. 

The look of confusion must have been blatant on his face, as Ian laughed breathily and shook his head.

“The closer you are to that club, the easier it is for them to get dirt on you,” Ian explained simply. Caddy’s brow furrowed as he nodded. That he understood…

“And, well, Jeff is…  _ really _ close to PBG,” Ian frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. “It’s scary. If something happened, I’d be so worried for him. I know I’ve briefly touched on the power they have over this school, but that’s not all they have. Their parents are involved with college boards. Businesses they own a part of could offer internships or jobs… I don’t want a fling relationship in high school to fuck up his chances at something more.”

Caddy did nothing but nod once more.

“Last year we… We had a bit of a scare,” Ian gave a breathy laugh, but the flash in his eyes said that it wasn’t a fond memory he was thinking back on. “When PBG and Jeff began being more…  _ intimate _ , their PDA spiked up. Rumors started spreading about the two of them, and Normal Boots doesn’t like its members involved in what could turn out to be a scandal. They put Jeff on trial… I’m just happy the majority of Normal Boots turned out to be reasonable in that case.”

“Sorry, wait, they put him on trial?” Caddy backpedaled.

“Yeah,” Ian confirmed. “It’s fucking terrifying. They set up a classroom like a courthouse and sit you in the center while they all talk about whether or not they’re going to smear your reputation.”

“What the fuck…” Caddy breathed. Ian just nodded.

“PBG and Jeff obviously toned it way down after that,” Ian frowned. “And then they just… stopped.”

“Stopped?” Caddy asked.

“Mhmm,” Ian hummed. “They just abruptly stopped everything. They stopped talking to each other, they stopped talking  _ about _ each other. You couldn’t find the two of them even in the same room at the same time.”

“Huh…” Caddy’s brow furrowed. “That’s… strange.”

“It sure was,” Ian confirmed. “Whatever happened, they seemed to have righted it over the summer. Either way, it doesn’t make me any less worried,” Ian huffed out a bitter laugh before falling silent.

“Jeff also said something about it being fake… a charade, and that he didn’t want to do that anymore,” Caddy noted quietly, remembering the tears rising in the corners of Jeff’s eyes.

“Well… it was, at first. When PBG first came to the school and started building Normal Boots, I could see what it was going to become…” Ian faltered, pausing momentarily. “I was just thinking about Wallid and Jimmy. At the time they were still in middle school… They would have had to suffer through four years of hell if Jeff fucked up and they were associated with him through Hidden Block. I was selfish and asked him to be fake, for the rest of our sakes. At the time, Jeff understood.”

Ian paused to take a deep breath and sigh.

“Turns out PBG didn’t appreciate a plastic friend, and Jeff struggled to keep himself distant. It didn’t last long but there’s still tension left over… I don’t know what PBG did, but it made Jeff break. He’s terrified of pissing off Normal Boots, but now instead of just staying away from them, he seems to have found a sweet spot of being as close as possible while constantly preaching that they can do no wrong and following PBG around like a lost puppy. And now he’s stuck there,” Ian sighed again, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. “And I don’t know what to do. I get frustrated when he acts like nothing is wrong. I don’t know what else to  _ do _ .”

Ian raked his fingers through his hair, pulling thick strands of it out of the alligator clasp to fall freely around his face. He gave up and simply removed the clip, letting his hair tumble across his shoulders so he could more easily fidget with it.

“I hate not being able to do anything,” Ian muttered, twisting split ends around his finger. “But he’s right, he’s happy. Austin treats him well, I guess. It just… scares me…”

Caddy remained silent as he thought. That was… a lot to take in.

“That’s… a lot,” He said aloud, making Ian chime in laughter.

“Yeah, it is,” Ian’s chuckles faded quickly. 

They both fell into silence, letting the warm breeze distract them for a moment.

“I should probably get going,” Ian eventually groaned, moving to stand up. He stuffed his hair clip into his bag before slinging a strap over his shoulder, tossing his now loose bangs out of his face.

“What, you’re just going to just lay all of that on me and then run?” Caddy raised an eyebrow with a bemused quirk of his lips, standing as well.

“That’s more than enough sentiments for one day,” Ian started down the stairs to the football pitch. Caddy followed him down.

They reached the grass, walking along the sidelines together.

“Hey! MacLeod! Did you pick yourself up a new boyfriend?” A snarky call came from across the field, followed by screaming laughter, barks, and howls. Caddy turned to shoot a glare at the perpetrators, only to find four members of the football team, fresh off of practice, walking the same way they were.

Ian bristled. He took steps twice as fast, making Caddy struggle to keep up at a normal pace.

“Ian-,” Caddy started.

“Just keep walking,” Ian hissed instructions, keeping his speed the same.

“What happened to the last one?” A different team member hollered at their backs. “Didn’t your PMS scare him off?”

“ _ Ian _ -,” Caddy began again.

“ _ Just walk _ ,” Ian snapped, quickening his pace once again. They were on the edge of the field. Ian took a sharp right turn, leading them down the side of the metal bars holding up the bleachers.

Caddy was practically jogging to keep up with Ian at this point, the third-year taking long, quick strides. Damn him for being so tall and lanky…

“Aww, look at that! They’re running away together!”

“Good, maybe they won’t come back!”

“ _ Ian _ -!” Caddy caught Ian’s sleeve, pulling the taller boy to a halt. Ian jerked his arm away from Caddy.

“What the hell are you doing?” Ian hissed.

“Why are they yelling at you?” Caddy asked, exasperated and catching his breath.

“Because they all hate me, now let’s  _ go _ ,” Ian worriedly tugged on the shoulder of Caddy’s jacket as the four football players came around the corner.

“Oh, what a shame,” One of them said with a sharp grin. “You didn’t even get that far this time.”

“Piss off,” Caddy growled, making all four of the players laugh obnoxiously. Ian had frozen up, his grip still tight on Caddy’s shoulder as they approached.

“You picked a fiery one this time, eh?” One of the players cracked his knuckles loudly. Caddy instinctively flinched. “I might actually be afraid, if he wasn’t half my size.”

“Knock it off,” Ian muttered, trying to tug Caddy by the shoulder to start walking again. “Leave him alone.”

“Sure,” Shrugged the player who seemed to be the leader of the group, seeing as he was the tallest, largest, was standing out in front of the other three and had the  _ most punchable  _ face Caddy had ever seen. “We’re not interested in your boy toy, anyway.”

Ian’s grip on Caddy’s shoulder tightened to an almost painful degree.

“Caddy, come  _ on _ ,” Ian hissed, trying a last time to get Caddy moving backwards. Caddy’s hands were balled into fists at his side, trembling as he tried to keep himself from doing something he might regret.

“Where do you think you’re going? You had your chance to run,” One of the other players sneered. They were only a few feet away from them now. The seeming to be leader of the group was too close for comfort. Ian was tall, but this guy passed him by at least an inch, and looked like he could snap Ian’s arm like a twig.

Ian sucked in a breath and turned on his heel, letting go of Caddy. He made it only a solid couple of steps away.

“That isn’t how this works, bitch,” The lead football player growled, snapping up and grabbing a fist full of Ian’s hair. Ian yelped, stumbling back a couple steps.

Caddy felt a hot surge around his chest and up his throat. He took a daring step forward and swung a hard right hook straight into the player’s jaw. The jock released Ian’s hair as he recoiled, a hand flying to the side of his face to cradle what was sure to be a bruise.

Caddy’s knuckles stung like  _ hell _ but  _ damn _ did that feel good. A giddy grin twitched onto his face as he watched the football player rub his jaw.

“ _ Caddy _ !” Ian cried, and for a moment Caddy didn’t see what was wrong. He’s just  _ punched _ that asshole. Served him right.

“You’re gonna regret that…” The lead player snarled, a red blotch already blooming across his cheek.


	5. Josh's Nails

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian takes care of Caddy, and later someone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings for minor descriptions of injuries and just a lot of crying.

It was a haze, his brain. Everything was surrounded by a layer of fog and his ears rang like sirens, reverberating in his head.

He wasn’t really sure what happened. He wasn’t sure how he’d ended up walking across the grass, down a winding path of hallways. Hell, he wasn’t really even fully aware of Ian fighting to hold him upright with an arm around his middle. Only when he was gently pushed to sit down on a couch and his head swam in a nauseating way did he realize how bad off he probably was.

“Woah, hey, it’s alright,” Ian smoothed his hair down, careful of the blooming purple of his skin. He helped Caddy lay down, stuffing a slightly stiff but still welcome pillow under his head.

“Wh-,” Caddy started, but quickly realized that it hurt to talk. His jaw popped unnaturally and his bottom lip tasted like blood. He winced as Ian put something cold across his forehead.

“Idiot…” Ian said under his breath. “This is why you don’t pick fights with jocks.”

He carefully continued to press the ice pack along the side of Caddy’s face, being extra mindful with the soft, bruised skin under his eye.

“Are…” Caddy struggled to make his tongue create the right sounds. “A-are… are you…?”

“Am I okay?” Ian offered, to which Caddy made a weak noise of confirmation. “I’m fine. Try not to talk, you might have a concussion.”

Caddy went silent, closing his eyes and allowing Ian to cool his bruises until the ice pack in his hand started getting warm.

“One moment,” Caddy felt a weight shift off the couch he was laying on. He opened his eyes again, now less blurry, to find himself in a room he’d never been before, one he didn’t recognize in the slightest. All of the lights were off, leaving just the soft, dim light of the sinking sun streaming in through the window. From what he could manage to comprehend, he was on a couch, and there was a coffee table a little ways away from him, and maybe a chair.

“Wh…ere…?” He started, hearing the opening and closing of what sounded like a freezer door off in a different corner of the room. Caddy swallowed thickly, tasting copper down his throat. Ian returned another moment later with a new, cold ice pack. He returned to his spot on the sofa, and to his previous task.

“Where… are we?” Caddy managed between shaky breaths.

“Teachers' lounge,” Ian said simply.

“Wh-? How?” It was far, far past the time for the school to be closed.

“Where’s your phone,” Ian neglected Caddy a direct answer. “I’m going to tell your family you’re staying with a friend so they don’t freak out.”

“Why?”

“Fuck, even when you’re barely conscious you still don’t stop with the questions,” Ian scoffed. “Phone. Where is it?”

Caddy squinted up at Ian, straining his eyes in the dimming light and ultimately worsening the headache already banging around in his skull.

“…Pocket,” He said finally, making no move to get it himself. Ian sighed, slipping his hand into the pocket of Caddy’s leather jacket, retrieving the cell phone. Ian didn’t even have to ask for Caddy’s password. Caddy didn't think anything of that right then.

“Okay,” Ian said after a minute, putting Caddy’s phone down on the table nearby. “You’re all cleared.”

“Why… did y-… you-” Caddy stammered. Why did he have to stay? They weren’t supposed to be there… All he wanted to do was go home and sleep…

“Remember what I said about not talking?” Ian sighed. “You’re not going home like…  _ this _ .” 

Ian gestured to Caddy’s face. “Just shut up and let me take care of you.”

“…Okay,” It wasn’t like Caddy could exactly fight back on this one.

The second ice pack grew warm between Caddy’s cheek and Ian’s hand. Ian stood to return it to the freezer, coming back with a bottle of water and the first ice pack, now marginally colder. He set both of them on the table next to Caddy’s phone temporarily, moving over to the large armchair on the other side of the room. He picked up the backpack that rested on the chair, bringing it back over to the couch. Ian took his seat once again.

“You’re going to have to sit up,” Ian retrieved an ibuprofen bottle from the outside pouch of his bag. He took two pills out of the bottle before setting it on the table, picking up the water bottle instead.

Caddy moved to sit up on his own, keening loudly as the movement rocked the room around him. Ian’s hands suddenly on his shoulders steadied him and helped him the rest of the way up.

Ian made sure Caddy could stay upright before picking up the pills and water again, unscrewing the cap and passing them both over to the trembling Brit. Caddy cringed as he tipped his head back, swallowing the pills. Ian readjusted the pillow behind Caddy then moved to take a seat at the far end of the sofa.

“Finish that,” Ian pointed at the water bottle in Caddy’s hands. “Then you’re going straight to sleep.”

Caddy moved to nod and immediately regretted it. Ian rolled his eyes, tucking his legs up against his chest.

Caddy took his time, slowly taking sips of water. Ian didn’t make a move while he did so.

“So,” Caddy tried to speak again. His mouth felt less like chalk after the few sips he’d had, though his jaw still ached like all hell. “Why are we… here.”

Ian turned to look at him, an eyebrow raised.

“In which way do you mean? We’re here because you were being a thick-headed idiot. We’re  _ here _ because…” Ian’s mouth twitched down momentarily. “People come here when home isn’t an option.”

“I meant the teachers' lounge,” Caddy croaked, taking another quick swig of water. “But… I don’t think protecting you is idiotic.”

Ian scoffed. “Protecting me? I was trying to walk away.”

“They pulled your hair-”

“And you hit first.”

Caddy frowned. “I was just-”

“I know,” Ian pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. “I know. Thanks for trying, but don’t ever do it again.”

“They wouldn’t have let you just walk away…” Caddy grumbled into another sip of water.

“Yeah, no fucking  _ shit _ ,” Ian snapped. “But at least you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”

Caddy didn’t argue anymore, he didn’t want to get in a full-blown fight with Ian when he couldn’t even see straight.

Once the water bottle was empty Ian took it away and helped Caddy lay down again, but not before helping the Brit shrug out of his leather jacket. Once Caddy was lying down, Ian draped the jacket over top of him.

“Get some sleep,” Ian set an ice pack on Caddy’s forehead, smoothing it down before standing to move over to the chair across the room. “I’ll wake you up before the gates open.”

“Thank you,” Caddy mumbled, letting his eyes close for the night.

-

Caddy woke up. Not to Ian telling him to move, that they had to get going before people started coming into the school and someone found them. Not to the sun streaming through the blinds; in fact, it was now very dark outside.

Caddy woke up to crying. He groggily opened his eyes to the sound of quiet sobbing, and even more strangely, the sound of even quieter assurances.

“I j-just don’t kn-n-now what-t to do,” Came through muffled, wet sobs. Caddy carefully turned his head to the side, careful of his bruises. In the dim light, he saw two figures in the chair; Ian and a shaking lump of another boy tucked up against his side, wrapped tightly in a green jacket.

“Th-they expect s-so m-m-much from m-me, I d-disappointed them s-s-so much, I ca-an’t keep g-going like t-this,” The sobbing boy wailed. Ian stayed still, listening to the stuttering babbles and rubbing a comforting hand along the other boy’s spine. 

Neither of them even glanced over at Caddy, neither of them knew he was awake. Somehow, he felt like he definitely wasn’t supposed to be seeing this.

“…I’ll do your nails,” Ian finally said after minutes of the room only filled with choked up cries.

“Fuck, y-yes please,” The other boy sniffled.

“Did you bring any polish?” Ian sighed as they readjusted themselves in the chair. Caddy had no idea what time it was, but it sounded like Ian had yet to sleep at all.

“N-no, sorry,” The boy wiped his cheeks with the sleeves of his jacket and tried to take deep, full breaths. “I didn’t know you’d b-be here tonight.”

“That’s okay,” Ian groaned quietly as he stood; no doubt he’d been sitting in the same position for a long time. “I didn’t expect to be here tonight either. But I’m pretty sure I have some.”

Ian started walking over to where Caddy was laying down. The Brit snapped his eyes closed. He heard Ian shuffling through his bag next to him.

“I only have black, so it won’t be Josh-aesthetic, sorry,” Ian moved away again.

“That’s fine, r-really, thank you,” Who Caddy could only assume now to be Josh insisted.

“Don’t mention it.” 

Only when Caddy began to smell the faint paint fumes did he risk opening his eyes again.

Ian was sitting on the edge of the chair’s arm, polish brush in one hand, Josh’s hand held delicately in the other. Josh was holding the polish bottle for Ian in his free hand, still taking deep breaths to soothe himself; he didn’t want to be shaking and ruin Ian’s work, it would already be difficult as is in the dark.

“Ian?” Josh spoke only after Ian had finished painting all of his nails on one hand and moved to the other.

“Mmhm?” 

“Thank you,” Josh sighed. Ian remained silent for a while.

“You’ve said that,” He finally said.

“I know, but I mean it,” Josh managed an exhausted smile that Caddy could practically hear in his voice. “I know you don’t like Normal Boots…”

“But that doesn’t mean I have to be a shitty person when you’re obviously hurting,” Ian said quickly.

“Exactly. You’re really so much nicer than you lead people on to believe.”

“I don’t know if I would go that far…”

“But it’s true. You say you hate my guts, but then you listen to me cry almost weekly,” Josh noted.

“I like to think you’re a special case,” Ian muttered softly.

“I’m flattered,” Josh said with a breathy laugh. “But I still think it’s more than that.”

He nodded over to where Caddy was on the sofa. Ian paused in his nail painting for a brief moment to glance over at the Brit. Caddy kept his breathing even as Ian looked him over from across the room. He was worried for a split second that Ian might have caught him with his eyes open even in the darkness of the room, and very nearly breathed a sigh of relief when Ian eventually turned back to Josh’s nails.

“I just didn’t want him bleeding out on the football field, that’s all.”

Josh hummed and shook his head. “Whatever you say, Ian. Whatever you say.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ian scoffed, gaining a quiet chuckle from the other boy.

“Nothing,” Josh simply smiled, saying no more. Ian sighed, finishing up with painting the rest of Josh’s nails. They sat in a warm silence until Ian finished, letting go of Josh’s hand in favor of taking the nail polish bottle from him. Ian screwed the top back onto the bottle as Josh looked over his nails in the low light.

“Perfect,” Josh sighed contentedly. He smiled at the glossy black paint, but the corners of his mouth eventually fell downwards.

“I should get going,” He said dejectedly. Ian sent him a bewildered look.

“You can’t stay?”

Josh shook his head.

“I appreciate everything, Ian. I always do. I needed some time away, but they’ll be… upset, if I’m not home in the morning,” Josh forced a quiet laugh, moving to stand up. “It’s not that I don’t enjoy your company, I’d just rather not give them an opportunity to remind me how much of a disappointment I am where I can help it.”

“Right…” Ian frowned. “Then take care, I guess.”

“I’ll do my best,” Josh made his way to the exit, passing by Caddy, making the Brit quickly close his eyes again. Josh paused in the doorway, looking back to give Ian a genuine smile.

“Thank you again.”

“Yeah, don’t mention it.”

Caddy heard the low, heavy sound of the door closing behind Josh, then waited a minute before risking a look. Ian had moved to lay across the chair, legs dangling over the side, arms crossed over his face.

“What was that?” Caddy creaked through a dry voice. Ian barely stirred.

“Nothing,” He said flatly. “The wind or some shit, go back to sleep.”

Caddy sighed and rolled over, careful of the tender spots blooming across his cheeks. He pulled his jacket tightly around himself and tried to sink back into sleep. 


	6. A Flash Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We take a break from our regularly scheduled programming to bring you a flashback, courtesy of Jeff's memory.

“It’ll be fine,” Ian said, but Jeff could hear the strain in his voice.

“It’ll be fine…” Luke echoed. Jeff didn’t say anything, he just nodded. He knew that was more for them than it was for him, anyway.

There was a palpable tension surrounding the three of them as they stood outside the door to the classroom. They only had guesses as to what was waiting beyond the door, but nothing they had heard made it sound desirable.

Jeff clutched the calling card in his hands, crumpling the slip of green paper. Just earlier that day, it had been slipped through the grates of his locker, fluttering to the floor in a teasing spiral once the door had been opened. Jeff had snapped the paper off the floor as quickly as he could while shaking, but he wasn’t quick enough to avoid the murmurs, mutters, and sideways glances. The hallway swirled with whispers about the dead man standing. 

Black ink declared a time and a room number, nothing more.

_ 4:00 sharp. 207A _ .

Now, at 3:58, Jeff stood in front of the classroom door, no more or less prepared then he would ever be.

The halls were empty, save for the few faint echoes of remaining students in extracurriculars. Luke would be missing basketball practice, but he insisted he needed to be there for his friend.

“It’ll be fine!” Ian repeated with a bit more vigor, the hand he rested on Jeff’s upper arm becoming a reassuring squeeze. Jeff nodded again numbly.

“Hey,” Luke clapped a warm hand on Jeff’s back, making the shorter boy jolt; he was too on edge. Luke frowned lightly. “Everything will be alright. Ian and I will be right outside. No matter what happens, we’ll still be here, a’right?”

“Right,” Jeff managed, though his voice shook. Luke and Ian both removed themselves, taking a few steps back from the door.

Jeff let his eyes close for a moment, taking a deep breath as he convinced himself to raise a hand to knock on the door. He glanced quickly behind him, receiving a weak smile from Ian and a thumbs up from Luke. Jeff breathed out sharply, rapping his knuckles against the metal door, hearing the sound echoing down the hallway.

Not ten seconds later, the door swung open.

“Jeff,” PBG regarded him, sounding almost breathless. “Right on time.”

Green eyes flickered up, gazing past Jeff. He didn’t need to see it to feel the intensity of the dirty glare Ian was shooting at the Normal Boots member.

PBG shifted, stepping out of the way so Jeff could move inside. Jeff nervously took steps forward into the dimly lit classroom, a surge of fear seizing him once inside, causing him to look back desperately towards Luke and Ian just in time to see their worried faces disappear behind the closing door.

Jeff clutched at the paper in his hands even tighter, but when he felt cold fingers over top of his own, he released it almost immediately.

“I’ll take that,” PBG whispered, lingering on Jeff’s hands for just a split second too long before slipping the paper out of his grip. 

“Austin-,” Jeff started but was quickly silenced by a sharp look.

_ Not here, not now, _ the club member’s eyes said.

He was scared too.

Somehow that gave Jeff a sliver of comfort. Maybe it was just knowing he wasn’t alone.

Someone in the room cleared their throat, reminding Jeff why he was there.

“It’s four o’clock,” A disgustingly fake, sweet voice announced. “About time we got started, here.”

PBG took a step back, eyes flickering over Jeff before he moved to walk around the row of desks set up at the back of the room.

Jeff took a moment to look around. Seven desks were lined up in a row, facing a single chair in the center of the room. Each member of Normal Boots eyed him with varying levels of indifference. From left to right sat Satch, Jirard, Shane, an empty seat PBG was taking, Paul, Nick, and on the end, Josh. 

PBG waited until Jeff had sat down before clearing his throat.

“Alright-,” But before he even began, he was interrupted.

“Ahem,” The same dripping voice from before cut in. Paul grinned sweetly, raising a pen in his hand to call attention to himself. “Before we begin, might I make a suggestion?”

“Sure, shoot,” PBG looked slightly confused, but nodded in the student council president’s direction, nonetheless.

“Austin,” Paul practically  _ purred _ . “You’re a wonderful leader, but you have…  _ personal involvement _ in this particular case. Wouldn’t your bias prevent you from making a fair judgment of character?”

PBG opened and closed his mouth a few times, a weak, strangled noise escaping from the back of his throat.

“None of us have ever been excluded from a vote, before,” PBG reasoned. Paul’s smile didn’t falter for a second.

“None of us have ever had such close  _ relations _ to the convicted, before,” He said smugly, watching the color drain from Austin’s face.

They weren’t going to let him vote, Jeff realized with a spark of panic. They weren’t going to let Austin defend Jeff.

_ Oh, God, he was so dead. _

“Let’s put it to a vote, shall we?” Paul chirped. “Those in favor of allowing Austin to continue acting as leader of the council for the session.”

He paused, waiting for hands to be raised. Jirard and Satch raised theirs.

“Those in favor of suspending his position and voting ability due to possible bias,” Paul raised his own hand this time, a smug flicker flashing across his face as Nick and Josh followed suit. Hesitantly, Shane did as well.

“Personal ties don’t have a place here,” Shane said almost apologetically to PBG as the other boy sat back, slack-jawed in his chair.

“Well then,” Paul clapped his hands together in finality. “That settles that. In place of Austin-”

“I act as temporary leader,” Jirard interrupted, moving to stand. He looked down at Paul, a displeased frown prevalent on his features.

“Actually,” Paul flashed Jirard a dangerous grin, also standing. “You would, if not for the current circumstance. Due to your minority vote, I’m afraid, according to one of the rules you helped coin yourself, in the event of a removal of the current standing leader for a session, the responsibility is passed onto the next person in line who partook in the  _ majority’s _ vote.”

Jirard froze momentarily.

“Ah, right,” He said coldly, slowly returning to his seat. “Must have slipped my mind.”

“No worries,” Paul said smoothly, reaching over to slide the papers from PBG’s desk over to his. Austin made no move to stop him, still pale and unresponsive. Paul shuffled the papers with a pleased smile.

“Now,” He said, turning his attention up to Jeff. “Where were we?”

Jeff’s heart had dropped into his stomach. He was already planning on fighting an uphill battle, but this would just be impossible, now. Paul  _ hated _ him, ever since second year when Jeff thought he had a chance at student council president.

PBG wasn’t looking at him.

“Jeffrey Fabre,” Paul drawled. He fixed Jeff with a dangerous look, one that made Jeff feel like he was about to be torn to shreds. “Today, you stand accused of…  _ several _ misdemeanors.”


	7. Secondhand Smoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We return to our regularly scheduled programming.
> 
> Caddy gets invited over to a pretty normal Hidden Block weekend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings for smoking and drug mention/use.
> 
> (this is the smoking chapter, please proceed with caution lol)

_ Jimmy: shit boyyyye we gon get turnt as fuuuck, bring a lot of chips u know how we get _

_ Caddy: Sorry, what? _

_ Jimmy: OH SHIT CADS AHAHHH _

_ Jimmy: that was meant for the hb group chat lmfaoo sorry _

-

Caddy looked down at his phone in mild confusion. It was late on a Friday, he’d had a long, exhausting day at school and was currently working on even more exhausting homework.

He never minded texts from any of the guys, they were at this point close enough that he could comfortably call them friends, despite the fact that he still wasn’t officially part of their group, as evidenced by the fact that he wasn’t in the Hidden Block group chat Jimmy had just mentioned.

Caddy did, however, have some minor concerns considering the implications of the text he had just received.

Before he could even think of a way to breach the question himself, Jimmy quickly sent another message.

-

_ Jimmy: yo, cads _

_ Jimmy: have u ever smoked before??? _

_ Jimmy: just wonderin _

-

Caddy frowned down at his screen. 

Ah, so his query had been confirmed.

-

_ Caddy: Uh, I had a cigarette once. And only once. _

_ Jimmy: ooooh arite arite _

_ Jimmy: hmmm _

_ Jimmy: u kno what _

_ Jimmy: no pressure ofc, would never wanna force u into anything _

_ Jimmy: but we’re totally gonna hotbox luke’s car tomorrow if u wanna come feel free _

-

Caddy thought for a moment. He frowned.

The invitation was open... But no, he shouldn’t. The guys were nice, sure, and they were his friends now, yeah, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to skirt the line of illegality again...

_ Maybe _ , Caddy responded.  _ I’ll think about it _ .

Jimmy simply sent a thumbs up emote in return.

-

_ Caddy: What time would it be at? _

_ Jimmy: probs from like 5-7ish _

_ Jimmy: that’s when luke is coming anyways, he’s got stuff 2 do, the rest of us will be at jeff’s all day bc his parents are gooooone _

_ Jimmy: so show up whenever if u decide u wanna come _

_ Jimmy: again no pressure _

  
  


_ Caddy: I’ll think on it. _

-

On Saturday, Caddy found himself on a bus to downtown. He wasn’t unused to that particular situation, but seeing as it was the weekend and he wasn’t carrying a backpack and sitting in a crowded school bus, it did seem a little out of place.

He didn’t go downtown often. Not for anything but school, really. The address Jimmy had sent him was downtown, however, not too far past the school, so here he found himself.

Caddy finally made up his mind and decided that he might as well go and hang out with the guys, as he didn’t often get chances to meet up with them outside of school. He might not smoke, but there wasn’t  _ really _ any harm in just hanging out.

The bus dropped him off just a couple blocks away from the address Caddy was given for Jeff’s house.

The neighborhood didn’t seem terrible, Caddy had definitely seen worse. He followed the pavement down the street until he came to a house with chipped blue paint and two bikes in the driveway. If the dull, worn, bronze numbers tacked to the front of the house were right, this was the place.

Caddy trotted up to the front door, knocking after only a moment’s hesitation.

Caddy heard a great deal of shuffling behind the door, the sound of a lock being undone followed by several muffled curses before the door swung open.

Wallid stood in the door frame, a lazy grin on his face. The scent of smoke hit Caddy almost instantly, he didn’t even have to step inside.

“Heeeey, Cads,” Wallid giggled. “Come on in. We’re all chillin’ in the living room.” 

Caddy stepped inside, letting Wallid push the door shut behind him before the first year moved to walk down the nearby hallway that no doubt led to the living room, humming to himself all the while. Caddy awkwardly toed off his shoes, nudging them off to the side with several other pairs of beat-up tennis shoes and familiar set of ankle boots. He heard voices coming from the direction Wallid had gone in and decided to follow suit.

Caddy walked down the short hallway to the open living area. It was cozy, albeit small. Two mismatched couches pushed together at an angle formed an ’L’ in the corner, a battered armchair with a stitched throw blanket over the back of it sat across from them. A low, dark wooden coffee table sat at a comfortable distance away from all of the sitting places, and was littered with miscellaneous crap.

Lighters, old magazines used more as drink coasters than actually read judging by the stains on the covers, a bowl full of unlabeled mints Caddy probably didn’t trust, chapstick tubes, a spray can of air freshener and what Caddy could only assume to be a zip-lock bag of weed.

If it was anything else, Caddy would have been genuinely surprised, given the smell of the room, the state of the other boys in the room and the light wisps of smoke that curled around them warmly.

“Caddy!” Jimmy noticed him first, his tired eyes flitting with excitement as he lay sprawled out over one of the couches. “C’mereeee.” 

Jimmy patted the space on the couch above his head rhythmically, kicking his feet where they hung off the edge of the armrest.

Caddy took a quick glance around before moving to sit with Jimmy. Wallid had moved to the other couch, a majority of which was being taken up by Jeff’s seemingly unconscious body. The fourth-year had his arms crossed over his face, curled up in an uncomfortable attempt at a fetal position. 

Ian had taken up residency in the armchair. He had a lit joint held to his lips, looking bored with his chin resting on his hand, blowing smoke like a dragon.

“Luke’s gonna be here later, he’s got stuff to do today,” Jimmy explained without Caddy even asking.

“I... yeah, you told me he would be,” Caddy said as he took a seat. Jimmy’s face twisted into a confused expression for a moment.

”...Did I?” Jimmy wondered aloud before giggling to himself.

“Don’t mind him, his blood is basically bong water at this point,” Ian grumbled. Jimmy let out a shrieking laugh.

“Oh my fuck, Ian, I had like, one bowl.”

“Still too much for you, obviously,” Ian snorted. Jimmy made an exaggerated gasp of defiance.

“It is not!” Jimmy insisted. “Wallid-!”

“Yuh-huh?” Wallid looked up from his current preoccupation, busy beginning to balance a handful of mints from the coffee table on Jeff’s side.

“Tell Ian I’m not totally fucked yet!” Jimmy whined.

Wallid just blinked at Jimmy.

“You’re, like, ninety-nine percent there, though,” Wallid snickered when Jimmy made an exasperated cry. Even Ian cracked a small smile.

Caddy chuckled awkwardly. The guys were the same as always.

The hours passed quickly, and Caddy found himself becoming used to the strong, hot smell in the room.

The guys were great entertainment while they were all out of it, even more so than they usually were. At one point, Jimmy and Wallid had started a game of stacking things on top of a still unconscious Jeff. Items ranged from anything from more of the suspicious mints to plastic cups and game controllers. After the youngest two had grown bored with their living Jenga game, they set up Nario Kart, which ended just about as well as you could imagine.

One broken plate and several attempts at coaxing a rudely awakened Jeff out from under the table later, the doorbell rang, to everyone’s delight. Even Ian, who had moved from a pre-roll to a glass pipe - marbled purple, of course - over the course of a couple hours, perked up at the sound at the door.

“Luke!” Jimmy scrambled to his feet, dashing out of the room with Wallid stumbling behind him at his heels.

-

Everyone had quickly moved to Luke’s car. Caddy opted to stay in the house; he still wasn’t exactly sure how he felt about smoking, which meant he  _ definitely _ didn’t know how he felt about sitting in a car pumped to the brim with the stuff.

So, he instead rested on the couch, lazily flicking through his phone in an attempt to keep his attention on something for more than five seconds. He was quickly distracted, however, by the sound of the front door opening. 

Ian strode in not too long after, trailing the scent of both weed and cheap perfume; no doubt a useless attempt to cover the first smell.

“What’re you doing back in?” Caddy asked as Ian padded through the living room, straight out the other entryway without even answering Caddy, much less looking at him. Caddy sighed; that was very Ian, wasn’t it.

Ian returned not a minute later with a water bottle.

“Only so much time you can spend in a cramped space with four high dipshits before needing a break,” Ian snorted, answering Caddy before taking a sip of his water. He made his way over to the couch Caddy was on, resting his forearms on the back of it.

“Guess that makes sense,” Caddy mumbled. Ian hummed and nodded, drinking more water.

They stayed silent for a solid minute, before Ian frowned, gray eyes narrowing at the coffee table not too far in front of them.

“D’you wanna try weed, Caddy?” Ian asked suddenly, raising an eyebrow. Caddy sputtered for a moment.

“I-I, uh, well,” He started and stopped. Did he?

Well...

Maybe?

What was the worst that could happen, after all?

“I guess so?” Caddy squeaked out. “I mean, sure.”

“M’kay,” Ian shrugged. He climbed over the back of the sofa to sit on the pillow next to Caddy, pulling his legs up to cross underneath him before reaching to the coffee table, putting down his water in favor of grabbing both the purple glass pipe he had been using earlier as well as the zip-lock bag.

“You ever smoke before?”

“Just a cig, just the once,” Caddy admitted. “Hated it.”

“Ah,” Ian replied, uninterested. He finished packing the dried leaves into the pipe bowl. Seeming satisfied with it, Ian turned to face Caddy. He leaned over and pulled a lighter from the coffee table.

Ian hesitated for a moment. He looked down at his pipe, then up at Caddy, then frowned.

“Ugh,” Ian made a face of disdain. “I don’t want your dumb mouth on my pipe.”

“Why’d you offer, then?” Caddy huffed. Ian didn’t respond, he just simply continued to glance between the glass pipe in his hands and Caddy’s face.

“Hmm,” Ian hummed. He flicked on the lighter, bringing the flame to the weed in the bowl. “I have a better idea.” 

Caddy raised an eyebrow but didn’t get a chance to ask what exactly Ian meant by that. The third-year brought the pipe up to his lips, sucking hot, bitter smoke into his lungs. He then quickly reached up, moving his free hand around to cup the back of Caddy’s head and pull him close.

Caddy gasped at the sudden movement, his mouth parting just enough to taste the secondhand smoke Ian was breathing with him. Some part in the back of his mind remembered he should breathe in, and so he welcomed the burning smoke from Ian as their lips barely brushed, half a centimeter away from each other. 

It, of course, didn’t take long for the rationally thinking part of Caddy’s brain to realize that he was definitely choking, making him jerk back away from Ian, turning his head and coughing bouts of smoke out of his lungs.

“Holy fuck,” Caddy wheezed. His throat burned like all hell. His eyes were watering.

“Too much?” Ian asked, somehow smug and indifferent.

“N-no,” Caddy managed between coughs. “Just give me some warning next time.”

“Next time?” Ian hummed, his tired eyes betraying for a moment just how amused he was.

He brought the pipe back up to his lips, fixing Caddy with a dangerous smirk. 

Caddy was able to breathe more easily this time, but only slightly. The smoke still ripped at his throat, but this time he was able to catch the subtle hint of cinnamon from Ian that lingered in his mouth before he had to pull away again, sputtering and coughing. Once he finished and had situated himself, Ian took another drag off the pipe, pulling Caddy closer once again. This time Caddy was able to watch Ian’s eyes flutter shut.

Their noses bumped lightly together, thick smoke swimming in the space between them as Ian sighed and Caddy breathed in. The warmth spread all the way down to Caddy’s fingertips, his throat raw from breathing in smog, but the rest of him slowly becoming pleasantly numb.


	8. What Happened That Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "At least," I said, smiling with tears streaming down my face. "He had the decency to look me in the eyes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry.

”...I was just a joke?” Jeff asked numbly, at this point almost unable to look up at battery acid eyes, the electric green boring into him like they always did.

Why did this have to happen  _ now _ ? Things were actually going alright for once. Jeff had apologized for blowing up at Ian, Ian had subsequently apologized for doing the same, and everything was fine between them. They had a good weekend, Caddy had come over for the first time and he seemed to be fitting in with the rest of the group rather well. The week passed quickly and everything was just feeling  _ right _ .

Fridays were usually  _ good  _ days… 

“More or less,” Jeff’s heart sank at the dismissive reply. Austin’s eyes flickered over him, a thoughtful expression on his face. “You were fun for a while, I guess, at the beginning.”

Jeff opened his mouth to respond, but words jammed in his throat, held in place by nothing but a sharp look.

“But you’re boring, now,” Austin continued, not that Jeff was particularly grateful for the lack of silence. 

“I-I don’t understand,” Jeff managed to stammer out, gaining himself a breathy chuckle from the taller boy.

Jeff felt way too trapped, crowded up against the wall of the back of the school, back pressed up against graffiti and brick -- Austin just a little too close for comfort, but at the same time, so distant.

On a different day, maybe even a week ago, Austin would have pulled him out here during a late period. They would have skipped class for the hell of it and ended up with bruised lips, covered in dust from the brick wall.

“I thought I was being pretty straight forward,” Austin raised an eyebrow. 

“I just...” Jeff cursed the prickling of tears he could feel rising. This wasn’t actually real, was it?

“You’re boring,” Austin repeated. “I’m not interested anymore.”

”...I thought you said you cared,” Jeff barely creaked out, desperately fighting back the nauseous wave coursing through him.

“I guess I did, didn’t I,” Austin hummed. “Yeah. I guess I loved you for a bit there, that was a good time.”

“I’m not a fucking plaything,” Jeff finally snapped. “You were really just messing with me the whole fucking time?”

Austin shrugged, indifferent. 

“Like I said, you were fun at first.”

Jeff looked at him in disbelief.

Five minutes ago, Jeff would have laughed at anyone who said Austin would do something like this. Hell, he’d done that to Ian too many times to count. Jeff would have defended Austin, said he actually cared, but maybe that was just the fear talking.

“Why?” Was all Jeff could think to ask. “Why lead me on? Just... Just for fun?”

“Mmmm,” Austin hummed, tilting his head back and forth like he was weighing his answer. “Yep, pretty much.”

Jeff choked out a disbelieving laugh. 

“That’s sick,” Jeff once again cursed himself, this time for letting his voice tremble.

“Yeah,” Austin agreed with another shrug. 

“So why now, huh?” Jeff hissed as his hands balled into fists at his sides, nails biting roughly into the skin of his palms. “Why wait so long, lead me on for so long, if I was just nothing to you? What fucking changed?”

Jeff swore his nails were going to draw blood as he clenched his fists tighter when Austin only smirked. He fought the urge to slap the taller boy across the face, if only for the thoughts floating through his head that reminded him that he used to find that dangerous, crooked grin endearing.

Surely, the looks he used to see as caring could be looked back on as critical. The hands on his hips and back less reassuring and more controlling. The nail bites and teeth marks Austin always insisted Jeff wear proudly, the skipping class, the dizzy nights. Perhaps what hurt the most was the memories of the times they spent making up stories about the stars, lying on the dirty tiled roof of either of their houses until they were almost too tired to make it back inside.

Everything was just for the sake of having a good time while it lasted, wasn’t it? And Austin knew it wasn’t going to last forever, apparently from the start.

“You were boring, but not useless,” Austin said as if that were an obvious fact. “But I have someone else now, so consider yourself unneeded.”

Jeff said nothing.

The corners of Austin’s lips twitched up, reinforcing the smirk still playing on his face. It looked almost strained; too tight, too wide, it wasn't a normal smile. He reached up with one hand, holding Jeff’s chin up, lightly tracing over Jeff’s bottom lip with his thumb. Jeff’s hands remained taught and shaking at his sides as he stayed still, even though he held the overwhelming urge to punch the third-year straight in the throat.

Austin didn't say anything more, looking over Jeff’s face, still dragging the pad of his thumb over the smaller boy’s lips. Jeff bit his tongue, although he very nearly bit Austin’s finger.

“Why are you doing this?” Jeff asked bitterly. Austin just chuckled low in his throat, leaning down until his lips were close to Jeff’s ear, still holding Jeff’s chin steadfast in one hand, making sure Jeff couldn’t jerk away.

“I’m hoping the more I break your heart,” Austin whispered. “The easier it’ll be for me to walk away in the end.”

Jeff grit his teeth, forcing himself not to meet acid eyes as Austin backed away.

“I trust you not to make a scene about this,” Austin said after clearing his throat. Jeff just glared down at the grass growing through cracks in the concrete. “You know how Normal Boots deals with drama.”

Jeff again didn’t respond, but Austin seemed satisfied.

“I’ll see you around,” Austin smiled thinly before he turned, practically skipping off as if a weight was just lifted from his shoulders.

Jeff didn’t realize just how much Austin meant to him until he had turned the corner, leaving Jeff slowly sinking to the ground in a daze behind the school; a numb, tear-soaked mess on the asphalt. 

Obviously, Jeff didn’t mean the same to Austin.


	9. Here It Goes Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A pile of memories sat on the floor. He was planning on getting rid of them. How? He didn't know, but he couldn't look at them for long before tears stung his eyes.
> 
> A hoodie that wasn't his, a beanie, a tangled pair of earbuds, and a knife; a beautiful, beautiful knife.
> 
> He shoved the rest of them into the far corner of his closet, grabbing only the jacket, clutching it close to his chest with a sob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings for mention of firearms.

Caddy stared down at his phone, squinting in the bright light it gave off in contrast to the darkness.

In the time it had taken him to pick up his phone from where it had vibrated off his bedside table he had already missed the first call. Whoever was determined to get a hold of him at four in the morning was apparently persistent, as Caddy’s phone began buzzing again almost immediately.

He glowered at the caller ID, proclaiming that  _ Moosey _ was trying to get a hold of him.

“Fucking hell, Ian,” Caddy grumbled, but he answered the call anyway. He huffed, bringing his phone up to his ear. “What do you wan-“

“ _ Caddy _ ,” Jeff’s voice came crackling over the other side of the line. He sounded out of breath. “ _ You have a pistol, right? _ ”

“Wh- wait, hold on,” Caddy dragged a hand down his face, pinching the bridge of his nose. “ _ What _ ?”

“ _ Jeff! _ ” Caddy heard a second voice through the speaker, one he recognized as Ian. “ _ Give me my fucking phone back I swear to- _ “

A sharp whine split through the speaker, making Caddy jerk his phone away from his ear with a wince. Once his ear stopped ringing, he cautiously brought his phone back again.

He heard quiet cursing and the unmistakable fuzz of a phone speaker against cloth before the sound finally cleared again.

“ _ Ian get off of me _ !” Jeff screamed, slightly muffled.

“ _ What did he ask you for? _ ” Ian snapped over the line. 

“Uh,” Caddy stammered. “He... asked if I had a gun.”

“ _ Seriously _ ?!” Ian cried. “ _ Jeff, what the actual fuck?!” _

“Can you please tell me what’s going on?” Caddy whined.

_ “ It’s a long story- woah! ”  _

More fuzz through the speaker, the sound of rushed footsteps, and the slam of a door. Caddy heard muffled curses up until Ian no doubt picked up his phone again.

“ _ Sorry about that, _ ” Ian sighed. “ _ He’s being difficult _ .”

“Did something happen?” Caddy asked, now sitting up fully in bed.

“ _ It’s nothing you need to worry about right now, go back to bed.” _

“It doesn’t seem like nothing to me,” Caddy scowled. “And I’m already wide awake, so might as well tell me now.”

Ian sighed again through the speaker, for a moment not responding.

“ _ Look,”  _ He started. “ _ You know how Jeff is. He’s... emotional.” _

_ ”... _ Ian, what happened.”

“ _ PBG,”  _ Ian said bitterly. Caddy’s stomach dropped.

“Did they break up?” He asked, dropping his voice as if he and Ian were passing secrets.

“ _ Something like that, I guess,” _ Ian huffed out a breathy laugh. “ _ It was... messy, apparently.” _

“Is Jeff okay?”

“ _ He just called you and asked for a gun, so if that qualifies as okay then yeah.” _

“Shit, yeah,” Caddy raked a hand through his hair. “He’s like...  _ y’know _ ... besides that fine, though, right?”

_ “For now,”  _ Ian’s shrug was conveyed through his voice alone.  _ “He’s taking it pretty hard, obviously, but besides that.” _

‘Taking it pretty hard’ seemed like an understatement, Jeff sounded more along the lines of ‘near mental breakdown’ but that wasn’t something Caddy was prepared to deal with at four in the morning.

“You think he’ll be okay?”

_ “Yeah, probably. Hopefully. He’s staying the night at my place and I took his phone away so he doesn’t do anything stupid,”  _ Ian explained. “ _ I still don’t have the full story, apparently this all happened on Friday and he spent all of yesterday locked in his room. His mom got concerned because he wasn't talking to her so she called me over and I dragged his ass over here. He’s super out of it, obviously, so I’m waiting until tomorrow to try and get him to talk more. Maybe he’ll talk to one of the other guys, maybe Luke can get something out of him, I dunno.” _

“Ah, shit, yeah it’s Monday tomorrow...” Caddy groaned. His clock flashing on his bedside table seemed to be shaming him for being awake at the hour he was. It was technically  _ already _ Monday.

“ _ Yeah,” _ Ian sighed once again.  _ “You can go back to bed, sorry.” _

“Nah, it’s okay,” Caddy yawned.

” _...Fuck, dude, I dunno if I’ll be able to get Jeff to go to class tomorrow,”  _ Ian groaned.

“Do what you can, I guess,” Caddy stifled a second yawn, shifting back down under his comforter.

“ _ Yeah... _ ” Ian trailed off. “ _ Anyways, goodnight.” _

“Night,” Caddy sighed, pulling his blanket up snugly. 

_ “Oh, one last thing,”  _ Ian quickly added. _ “I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but be extra wary of Normal Boots for a while.” _

“Of course,” Caddy nodded to himself.

_ “And a girl with pink hair.” _

...Pink hair?

“Alright,” He could worry about that some other time. “Can do, will do.”

“ _ M’kay, then I guess I’ll see you later.” _

“See ya, Moosey,” Caddy sighed, waiting to hear the click of the other boy hanging up before setting his phone down again. This time on silent.


	10. Spit Your Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeff spent the night with Ian and eventually told him everything.
> 
> Ian is rightfully upset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings for minor violence.

Caddy did his best to prepare himself for the day ahead. He knew it would be, at the very least, a weird day. At the worst, a hellish one.

He’d chewed on his lip throughout his whole bus ride to school, wondering what was to come.

Ian hadn’t gotten the whole story out of Jeff since the night before, or at least Caddy hadn’t heard anything else. All he knew was that Jeff was upset, and Normal Boots, more specifically PBG, was at fault.

Shit... This could go sideways  _ very _ quickly. The first half of the day, luckily, passed with minimal bad happenings.

It seemed like Ian was unable to convince Jeff to make it to school that day, as the fourth-year was missing from the Hidden Block table during lunch period.

Ian was glaring at PBG all throughout lunch, staring down the Normal Boots table like he was pissed off about how  _ calm _ Austin seemed despite everything, how he looked too comfortable with his arm around the small girl with soft, pink hair to his side.

The bell rang and once the Normal Boots table had cleared, Ian stood from his seat without a word, earning himself worried half-attempts to call him back from the rest of the club. Caddy frowned, standing and quickly following Ian. They made it out of the cafeteria before Ian fully realized Caddy was following him.

“Caddy, I’m going to do something really stupid,” Ian mumbled under his breath. “Please don’t follow me.”

“Ian, what are you planning on doing?”

“I’m going to call him out on his bullshit,” Ian sighed, starting down the hall.

“I’ll come with you,” Caddy said, falling into step beside Ian.

“No,” Ian said quickly.

“Why?” Caddy rebutted.

“Because I said so,” Ian frowned.

“Too bad I don’t listen to you,” Caddy sniffed. Ian sighed but didn’t fight anymore.

“Just  _ please _ don’t try and get in the middle of this, okay? It’s...” Ian bit his lip, his forehead creasing as his brows furrowed. “It’s worse than I thought.”

Caddy simply nodded. Ian led them through the winding paths of the school, through the third-year halls that Caddy was unfamiliar with. Lockers blurred past, the corridors sparsely populated with students who had filtered out from lunch.

Caddy’s mouth went dry when he saw Austin standing at his locker. Ian growled.

“ _ Austin mother-fucking Hargrave, _ ” Ian barked, gaining the attention from said third-year as well as everyone else in the hall. “You piece of shit, low-life stupid fucking heart-breaker son of a bitch.”

Austin blinked in stunned silence as Ian marched up to him, absolutely fuming.

” _ You _ ,” Ian snarled. “How fucking  _ dare _ you. You  _ asshole _ , he  _ trusted _ you!”

Caddy wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Ian so...  _ intense _ . It was kinda scary.

“I thought I told him not to make a scene,” Austin sighed sharply after a moment, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“He isn’t, I fucking am,” Ian grit his teeth.

“Why?” Austin huffed, raising an annoyed eyebrow.

“Because he fucking loved you and you used him and broke him and it’s not what he deserves,” Ian’s voice was slowly rising. “And I had to watch you tear him apart from the sidelines.”

“You’re acting like I’m the only one at fault, here,” Austin looked down at Ian disdainfully.

“Are you not?” Ian let out a disbelieving laugh. “You seem pretty fuckin’ guilty to me.”

“I did what I had to,” Austin said with a sharp sigh, slamming the door to his locker closed. "I didn't have a choice. There wasn't another way."

“Bullshit, you tore him down for no reason other than your own enjoyment. Look me in the eye and tell me you actually gave a shit about him,” Ian said lowly. “Because I don’t believe you.”

“I did,” Austin’s eyes narrowed, holding a fierce glare. “I love… I  _ loved _ him.”

“You’re worse than I thought you were,” Ian scoffed. “I fucking knew you were an ass but at least have the balls to put meaning behind your words.”

“At least I had the balls to  _ actually _ cut it off, MacLeod,” Austin snapped bitterly. “I’m not still stuck in the past, suffering in my own self-pity.”

Ian slapped him  _ straight _ across the face, making Caddy, as well as everyone else in the corridor, go dead silent.

_ “This isn’t about me! _ ” Ian screamed. “This is about  _ you _ and your intolerable bullshit! You are  _ not _ allowed to drag Luke into this.”

Austin was quiet, his head turned to the side from Ian hitting him. 

“Why are you doing this?” He finally sighed, a hand coming up to touch his face. “You could have just let it go and they wouldn’t have to make things worse for you.”

“You underestimate how willing I am to walk through every circle of hell for the five fuck-heads I call friends. By all means, do your best to bury us, we can laugh together while digging our own graves,” Ian snapped coldly, his voice sharp and dangerous. “I would have done this a long time ago if Jeff wasn’t stopping me. He cared  _ so much _ about you that he stopped me from showing him the part of you he didn’t want to see. I always thought you'd pull some shit like this one day, turns out I was right. If you think I’m scared of you or any of Normal Boots then you’re only kidding yourself. If you want to shred me to pieces then  _ so help me God _ , I will grab you by the throat and hold you against the knife with me.”

Austin pressed his lips into a thin line, his face otherwise unreadable.

“I didn’t want to do this, you know,” He said slowly, his voice not betraying his feelings for a second. “But I told him  _ not to make a scene _ .”

Ian’s hands balled into fists at his sides; he wasn’t backing down. Austin regarded him coldly for a moment, before baring his teeth in a sneer.

“Hidden Block is dead,” His voice held an air of finality to it. “I hope you had a good run while it lasted.”

Ian scowled, turning on his heel to stalk back the way he came. Caddy took a second to breathe, nervously glancing at Austin before quickly following after.

“Ian,” Caddy started breathlessly. “What did you just do?”

“I started a fucking fire,” Ian snapped. He sniffed, doubling his speed. It was only when he swiped a sleeve across his face before he disappeared around a corner that Caddy realized he was crying.


	11. Strike Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the end of what we know, as we know it.

The letter came fluttering out of their lockers...

  
  


_ The members of the Hidden Block Club are advised to read each listed point, as they affect one or all of them. _

  
  


_ -The Hidden Block Club has been removed from the school’s list of approved extracurricular groups. _

  
  


_ -All posters have been removed, all permissions to access facilities have been revoked, all mention of the club has been removed from the yearbook, all previous permissions given by members of staff have been revoked. _

  
  


_ -All school radio content from the Hidden Block Club or its members previously approved by the school has been removed from the rotation and must await updated approval. _

  
  


_ -Participation in any previously registered event by the club or its members has been barred. _

  
  


_ -The Hidden Block Club members are advised to separate themselves during school hours. _

  
  


_ -The door to the teachers’ lounge will be locked at all times, only accessible to staff. _

  
  


_ Any sign of the continuation of previous club activities can be reported to school authorities as gang activity and will not be tolerated. _

  
  


_ Sincerely signed, _

_ Paul Ritchey, Student Council President. _


	12. Panic!

_Profile key_

_Texts from Luke_


	13. Lunch Dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A loophole is found, and through it, Caddy finds himself growing closer with everyone.

Tuesday was quiet.

It was cold and lonely and it  _ hurt _ .

Caddy didn’t get a note in his locker, he wasn’t a part of Hidden Block officially, but it didn’t take more than two minutes for Jimmy to catch him up on the disaster through distraught text messages.

They were done. It was over. It was official, on paper.

Caddy found himself reading and re-reading the statement the five boys were given through the shaky picture Jimmy had taken.

Just like Austin had said, Hidden Block was dead.

Fuck...

Caddy barely even had a chance to start knowing each of the guys, and they were already pulled out from under him.

He was alone again.

Again.

_ Fuck _ .

No, no no no.

This couldn’t be the end. He wouldn’t let it be.

Caddy was determined. Hidden Block was welcoming to him, they meant too much to him at this point. They didn't deserve this, Jeff didn't deserve his heart broken, Ian didn't deserve to have his space at the teachers' lounge taken away...

_ Fuck _ !

Caddy slammed his lunch tray down on the table, making Jimmy nearly jump out of his skin as he sat down next to him.

“C-Caddy?” He started, once the initial panic from Caddy’s angry noise passed and concern washed over his features. “What are you doing? We can’t be seen together or-“

“I’m not a part of Hidden Block,” Caddy said evenly. “I never was.”

"I..." Jimmy opened and closed his mouth, his brow furrowing. His hand instinctively rose to the spot on his shirt where the yellow enamel pin used to sit proudly on his collar bones.

Caddy fought back a thin smile on his face and Jimmy floundered.

“That’s...” Jimmy trailed off. He cleared his throat, righting himself in his chair, a ghost of a smile pulling at his lips. “That’s true...”

Caddy spent the next several weeks keeping Hidden Block together, however he could. They had to be away from each other during school hours, even at lunch, or risk consequences from Normal Boots. It was hard for them, considering the rest of the school already shunned them, and now they weren’t even allowed to have each other. Caddy, however, had free range.

Mondays were for Jeff, Tuesdays for Jimmy, Wednesday for Wallid, Thursday for Luke, and Friday for Ian. He spent time with them during lunch, waved and smiled in the hallways, carried messages back and forth when needed... Caddy did his best to give them someone they could talk to during their time on campus, and in return, he learned more about them as individuals.

He learned that Jimmy  _ really _ liked Nokemon. Like, a  _ lot _ . It was endearing, listening to him ramble on about tournament stats, about his favorite new catches and the dumb names he gave them. Caddy learned he held tournaments on the weekends sometimes at the library.

“I was thinking about moving them to the school, like maybe signing up as like an official after class thing, but that’s out of the question now,” Jimmy laughed. “That’s fine though, the library works well enough, I guess.”

Caddy learned that Wallid had an affinity for trivia. He knew facts off the top of his head about almost anything Caddy could think to ask about. He had on multiple occasions pulled out notebooks filled front to back with notes upon notes upon notes.

“I thought maybe at some point it could be fun to have a column in the school paper, you know,” Wallid said shyly. “Like, maybe a daily or weekly trivia thing. That would’ve been fun...”

Caddy learned Luke loved music. He  _ loved _ it, and he even made some of his own. Caddy had a hard time keeping his jaw from dropping when he finally convinced Luke to let him hear some of his work.

“Holy  _ shit _ , man,” Caddy breathed, slowly handing Luke back his headphones. “That was  _ amazing _ .”

“Thanks,” Luke chuckled. “I do my best.”

“Seriously dude, like have you gotten this out anywhere? Posted it online or something? It’s crazy good,” Caddy insisted.

“I mean,” Luke breathed out another quiet laugh. “It used to be on the school radio. But, uh, not anymore. I guess I’ll consider putting it somewhere else later.”

Caddy learned Jeff loved medieval fantasy, he loved sci-fi and magic and he played guitar. Not to mention he just  _ loved _ dogs. He loved animals in general, but  _ dogs _ . Holy fuck, he loved dogs.

“I want a Labradoodle,” Jeff gushed. “They’re so cute! They’re like Retrievers but all curly.”

He went on and on and on and  _ on _ about dogs. It was adorable.

“Austin’s dogs always loved me,” Jeff sighed with a sad smile. “I have one hoodie that I swear I will never get all the fur out of no matter how hard I try.”

Ian...

Caddy learned a lot about Ian.

He learned about his art, which was really impressive. He kept most of it to himself, but what he was comfortable showing Caddy was wonderful. He learned Ian also dabbled in music, soft electronic synths Caddy quickly learned to love. He learned Ian, contrary to Jeff, loved cats, but his family was firmly dog people.

Caddy learned the most about Ian, mostly because Ian was stubborn enough to push back and ask Caddy questions and make him talk, too.

Caddy talked about his sister, and the number of times he'd gotten in trouble for blasting deep bass music and crashing along on his drums. He talked about skateboarding and the scar on his calf he got from one failed attempt at a kick-flip. He talked about nonsense and little things like his favorite color and Ian teased him for never going anywhere without his favorite leather jacket.

And it was nice.

Weekend hangouts at Jeff’s had become more frequent since Normal Boots had banned them from talking on school grounds. They had morphed from hazy smoking nights into homework crunches, movie marathons and of  _ course _ gaming. They would throw pencils and erasers at each other and switch off who had control of the music they were listening to, barely getting any school work done at all but they didn’t really care.

And so the weeks drug on. The Hidden Block club was dead, but the five of them were as close as ever, and Caddy was happy that he was doing what he could.

“I think it’s time,” Wallid said one day, during a late Saturday night at Jeff’s house; a rare one where his parents were home, so they had to keep it down.

It had been maybe two and a half months since Caddy first came to the school, since the drama with Normal Boots and the fateful letter. Honestly, everything had been going pretty smoothly. Jeff was rough around the edges at first but with the support of the group, he had quickly gotten back to at the very least eating regularly and making it to school every day.

“I do, too,” Jimmy quickly added, looking pointedly at Luke.

"I mean..." Luke tipped his head back and forth like he was weighing whatever the two first-years had prompted. "Yeah, you're right. It's been long enough."

Jeff smiled, gently elbowing Ian who sighed, then held out his hand to Caddy.

“What?” Caddy raised an eyebrow.

“Phone,” Ian said simply. Caddy’s face didn’t change, but he slowly brought out his phone and hesitantly passed it over to Ian.

Ian took it and unlocked it quickly, swiping through programs while the other four boys peeked over his shoulder.

“How do you know his password?” Wallid asked quietly.

“It’s rose,” Ian mumbled. “It’s his sister’s name and he has the damn flower printed all down the front of his jacket.”

Wallid made a quiet  _ oh _ , nodding to himself like that was obvious now that Ian pointed it out. Caddy huffed, crossing his arms. He’d have to change that now that all of Hidden Block knew how to get into his phone.

Ian seemed to finish whatever he was doing, clicking off Caddy’s phone before passing it back to him. Before Caddy even had a chance to ask what he’d just done, Jimmy squealed and dug out his own cell. He tapped out something quickly, not a second after he hit send did Caddy’s phone buzz.

Caddy instinctively turned on his phone, the lock screen displaying a notification, but it wasn’t from Jimmy.

Well, it was, but it was in the Hidden Block group chat.

“I...” Caddy started. He wasn’t sure what to say.

“Officially, welcome,” Jeff’s smile widened. “We’re happy to have you.”

“Technically,” Luke winked. “Don’t tell anyone.”

Caddy felt a grin split across his face. He was finally one of them.


	14. Solidarity

_Profile key_

_Texts from Jimmy_

__


	15. Mon amour, mon amour, est rouge sang et doux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caddy and Ian talk about things. Caddy realizes something a little too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings for implied PTSD.

“M’kay, my turn,” Ian clicked his tongue, taking a moment to think of a question. Caddy hummed, waiting patiently for Ian.

They were sitting at the top of the bleachers -- a place they’d become rather fond of -- playing twenty-questions during lunch hour. They’d eat sometimes, away from the crowded drone of the cafeteria, away from  _ everything _ , just for a while.

“I’ve got one,” Caddy interrupted Ian’s train of thought.

“Nope, save it for later,” Ian said quickly. “It’s my turn, Caddick.”

Caddy rolled his eyes, tapping his fingers loudly on the metal of the bleachers. He snorted when Ian shoved his shoulder.

“Knock it off,” Ian huffed. “I’ve got one.”

He then frowned. An expression Caddy couldn’t place morphing into several twisted expressions on his face.

“Ugh, never mind,” Ian eventually shook his head.

“What? What is it?” Caddy pushed. “You can’t tease me like this.”

“It’s just... I dunno, you might not want to answer,” Ian mumbled, stuffing a strand of hair behind his ear out of habit. Caddy just looked at Ian, waiting until the older boy glanced over at him, catching the amused glint in the Brit’s eyes.

“It can’t be that bad. Go ahead,” Caddy leaned back on his hands, readjusting himself on the slightly uncomfortable metal of the bleacher bench.

”...How did you end up here?” Ian asked.

“What do you mean?” Caddy snorted. “Like on top of the bleachers? We just climbed up here.”

“No, dipshit,” Ian scoffed, prompting a curt laugh from Caddy. “I mean here. At this school. I know...”

Ian trailed off for a moment. He took a sharp breath before continuing.

“I know you used to go to the academy. You said your sister goes there, so... How did you end up here?” Ian turned to face Caddy fully.

Caddy saw the flicker of worry in Ian’s eyes.

All of Normal Boots had been expelled from the high-brow academy across town for one reason or another. Caddy had been too... But he wasn't like them. Though that didn't make him any less scared to tell his new friends the truth. He'd finally gotten friends here, Hidden Block and the guys meant so much to him... He didn't want to ruin that because of his past.   
  


“I-,” Caddy started, the swell of memories he’d buried deep in his head breaking off his words.

_ He heard the echoing crack of a bullet, the screaming and shattering of glass, and felt the cold, smoking gun being shoved into his hands. _

“I’m sorry,” Caddy finally choked out. “Not yet.”

Ian frowned lightly, nodding in understanding. 

“Whenever you feel you’re ready,” He said quietly, shifting back to look out over the football pitch and the trees stretching out around the school campus. “You can, uh, ask a question if you want.”

“Yeah...” Caddy trailed off. He was trying to fight off the creeping feeling of white flickering memories tracing the chain patterns long,  _ long _ faded on his stomach. He nearly jumped when Ian put a gentle hand on his wrist. He hadn’t noticed his hands were gripping the metal of the bench they were sitting on so tightly his fingertips had lost all feeling.

“Sorry,” Ian slowly pulled Caddy’s hands away from the edge of the bench. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, it’s...” Caddy took a deep breath, he let his fists unclench, smoothing his fingers to rest splayed on his thighs. “It’s fine.”

“Okay...” Ian pulled his own hand back, quietly fidgeting with his fingers, clicking the tips of his nails together.

Silence surrounded them until Caddy finally took another deep breath.

“I guess it’s my turn,” He chuckled lightly. Ian broke a shallow smile, nodding.

“Let me see,” Caddy leaned back, bracing himself with his arms on the metal bars behind them. His heart was still hammering away in his chest, but Ian didn’t need to see him have a breakdown. He would be fine. “What about Luke?”

“What  _ about _ Luke?” Ian let out a slightly amused huff.

“What were you and him?” Caddy asked. Ian’s frown returned.

“We were dating, I guess,” Ian sighed. “But I broke it off before this year started.”

”...Why?” Caddy’s brow furrowed.

“Because I’m selfish,” Ian snorted, a wry smile shifting its way back on his face in place of a frown. “And he deserves better.”

“So... you broke up with him because you thought he could be happier with someone else?” Caddy guessed.

“Pretty much,” Ian chuckled. “But he hasn’t moved on so I guess I just fucked that up too, huh?”

“No offense, Ian,” Caddy mumbled. “But it doesn’t seem like you’ve moved on, either.”

“That’s just the problem, isn’t it?” Ian breathed out another bitter laugh. “He wants me back and I want... him to have someone better.”

Ian sighed, and Caddy felt himself come to a crossroads.

_ I could be a distraction for you _ , was on his tongue, along with the memory of cinnamon and smoke laced together.

But he couldn't... He  _ shouldn't _ . How could he do that to Ian, or to Luke? He couldn't...

”...Have you thought about going back to him?” Caddy almost winced when he heard his own voice say those words.

“Yeah,” Ian muttered quietly. “But that would be stupid, wouldn’t it? I’m the one that said he needed someone better than me... What kind of desperate mess would I be if I begged for him to take me back?”

“I don’t think you would have to beg,” Caddy found himself continuing to talk, despite a deep,  _ loud _ part of him pushing to reach for Ian’s hand.

“I couldn’t do that to him...”

“Why?”

“I don’t...” Ian trailed off.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Caddy pressed. “ _ Logically _ . We both know Luke and we both know he wouldn’t blow up about this.”

”...He says no,” Ian frowned.

“And then you’re right back where you are right now. But what happens if he says yes?” Caddy was straining at this point.

Shit... He liked Ian, didn't he? Fuck, he did. He didn't know when it happened, maybe it was when Ian was berating him for being an idiot and getting himself punched by the football team. Maybe it was when they almost kissed while high as hell. Maybe it was over the past weeks, while they were just talking.   
  


“Then... I guess we would get back together,” Ian mumbled.

Caddy took a deep breath.

“So what’s keeping you from trying?” He asked quietly.

The slow rising look of realization on Ian’s face almost hurt.

“I don’t know,” Ian bit his lip. “I guess... I don’t know.”

“You should go for it,” Caddy nudged Ian lightly with his elbow. “It’ll make both of you happy.”

Ian sighed, his shoulders slumping.

“Maybe,” He nodded slowly. “Maybe.”

-

Sunday rolled around, another day spent at Jeff’s house. His parents were gone, as they often were on the weekends, leaving the house open to be ravaged by six hot messes.

Marionette Party had quickly turned sour after an  _ incident _ with a Spook, making  _ someone _ who shall not be named except it was Luke  _ accidentally _ unplug the console. They decided to switch to Oui Sports before anyone broke anything.

"Luke?" Ian piped up during a rather uninteresting bowling match. Luke, in turn, perked up, his eyes immediately snapping up to Ian.

“Yeah?” He responded, shifting in his seat on the sofa.

”...Can we talk?” Ian asked quietly, his slightly shaking voice betraying his nervousness. “Alone, please.”

“Y-yeah, of course,” Luke cleared his throat, moving to stand as Ian also did. He followed Ian out of the living room.

“ _ Oh shit _ ,” Jimmy squeaked as soon as the two third-years were out of earshot, not even bothering to pause the game before scrambling out of his own seat and bounding to the corner Ian and Luke had just turned around, Wallid and Jeff at his heels. Caddy begrudgingly followed.

Ian and Luke had moved outside, still visible through the glass back door leading to the back garden. They were far enough away and behind a door so none of them could catch what the two of them were saying, but they had an idea.

Ian had his arms crossed at first, then he didn’t, his hands flexing nervously at his sides as he shifted his weight between his feet. Luke waited patiently as Ian spoke, nodding slowly on occasion and generally being as non-threatening as possible. Eventually, Luke took a step forward, gently taking both of Ian’s hands in his own.

The rest of Hidden Block collectively held their breaths when Luke leaned down and kissed Ian, releasing them in a roaring chorus of wolf whistles and screams when the short, sweet kiss ended, barely giving the two of them time to pull away before nearly scaring them out of their skins.

“Fuckin’ finally!” Jeff howled, clapping, laughing and running away with Wallid and Jimmy when an angry and flushed Ian started storming back inside.

-

Caddy wasn’t exactly sure what led him up to the roof, but it got him away from his own feelings for a while. Sitting in silence on dirty, wobbly, chipped shingles, watching the sun slowly sink down. He had his legs pulled up to his chest, his arms crossed under his legs and his chin balanced on his knees. It was comfortable enough.

He heard the quiet clatter of the ladder leaning against the edge of the roof, waiting to acknowledge Jeff until the other boy had gotten off of the ladder, lest he risk falling.

“Thought you’d be up here,” Jeff grinned, crawling across the roof tiles until he was a foot or two away from Caddy.

“Yeah?” Caddy chuckled breathily, turning his head to look at Jeff. “What made you think that?”

“You have that look on your face,” Jeff hummed.

"What look?" Caddy self-consciously tried to even his expression.   
  


“You know, I don’t know if it really has a name,” Jeff’s grin faded into a lazy, tired smile. “But I saw it on Luke, I saw it on Ian, I see it in the mirror and now I see it on you.”

“Oh...” Caddy said dumbly.

"I guess it's heartbreak, isn't it?" Jeff made a displeased face, scowling at the simple thought. "Closest thing I could think to name it."   
  


“Yeah...” Caddy mumbled. He supposed it was...

They were silent for a moment, then Jeff sighed and shifted closer. He grabbed Caddy’s hand and rested his head on the Brit’s shoulder. 

“You made him really happy, you know,” Jeff said in a hushed tone, fitting for the dimming light and the tired beginnings of cricket songs. “You did the right thing.”

Caddy bit his tongue.

“But I didn’t want to,” He felt the dull, hollow hole in his chest loud and clear. He squeezed Jeff’s hand tightly. “Ian said he was the selfish one, but I think it’s me.”

“You still did it, though,” Jeff smoothed his thumb over Caddy’s knuckles. “Be proud.”

“How can I be proud when I know what I really want is who I gave up,” Caddy’s teeth were painful in his tongue now. Maybe he should stop before he drew blood...

“Because you helped make him happy,” Jeff sighed wistfully. “Isn’t that something to be proud of? Helping someone heal, even just a little bit?”

Caddy breathed out heavily through his nose, letting his head tip to the side to rest on Jeff’s.

They watched the sunset bleed colors into the sky.


	16. Vodka Bandaids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All is good, they say, standing at the top of their mountain, unable to see the downhill.

Another week at school gone by, another weekend at Jeff’s house coming up. Caddy had his homework packed, as he usually did, even if they rarely ever got any real work done. 

He headed out the door, not before yelling back into the house that he was heading out. Once he heard the echo of his mother confirming she heard him, asking for him to keep his phone on in case of emergencies and confirming that yes, of course, he will, he bounced out the door.

The bus ride had become habitual, waiting for the driver who was almost always five minutes late to the point where Caddy always added the time to the schedule to better guess how much time he had. Once the bus finally rolled up and he -- as well as the handful of other people at his stop -- jumped on, he brought out his phone, one arm wrapped around a stationary pole to make sure he didn't topple over once the bus started driving along again.

He smiled at the light that let him know the Hidden Block group chat had new messages. Jimmy and Wallid were offline, as they should be; they biked to Jeff's house and Caddy would have been concerned if they were texting at that exact minute. Luke had been chatting with Jeff before he had started out. He apparently was planning on picking up Ian on his way, so the other third-year didn't have to walk, even if it was only a couple of blocks for him.

The bus rumbled along the road, coasting to a halt at the stop closest to Jeff’s house. The doors swung open and Caddy stepped off. He started the short trek to Jeff’s place.

Two bikes lay strewn in the driveway, as per usual. Luke's car wasn't parked along the street yet, meaning Caddy had probably beaten him and Ian by a couple of minutes, tops.

He trotted up to the front door, knocking sharply on the peeling paint of the wood, grinning when it swung open quickly, letting himself be pulled inside and whisked into the living room where the Stomp Sisters menu music was already playing. They started a round, Jimmy losing first with a frustrated cry when he got distracted by a knock at the front door. He groaned and stood up, sticking his tongue out at Wallid who laughed at him as he skipped to get the door for Ian and Luke.

The round wrapped up soon after, first with Wallid's character going flying off the edge with a swift kick from Jeff's, losing his last stock in a flash of color. Ian and Luke walked in being led by Jimmy just as Wallid huffed and dropped his controller at his side, crossing his arms haughtily. 

Caddy and Jeff squared off, trading hits and blocks until they were both at a high percentage. Jeff managed to sneak in one last heavy blow, sending Caddy off the edge for good, ending the game with a cheer.

"Let's switch to something I actually have a chance at," Ian snorted, collapsing on the sofa. He'd abandoned the single chair he usually claimed as his, more often than not opting to sit in the middle of the couch and make faces when Luke sat next to him and pulled him up to his side as he did now.

Caddy had found it hard, seeing them be just... _close,_ so quickly. But they had already dated once, it wasn’t like they were doing anything new, Caddy was just around to see it this time. He did his best not to be jealous, he was not going to ruin what Luke or Ian had. They were happy, and he was the one that needed to get over it. He just needed a little bit...

“Yeeeeah,” Jeff giggled. “It wouldn’t be a fun night if I just kept winning over and over again. At least for you guys, anyway.”

“Hey, just because you can beat the rest of them at Stomp doesn’t mean you could beat me,” Luke grinned, resting his chin on Ian’s shoulder.

“Wanna bet?” Jeff raised an eyebrow. “We shall play for the hand of the fair maid, Ian.”

Jeff flourished a hand to the bored-looking third-year with a mocking bow. The pure childish delight that flashed in Luke’s eyes was a sight to behold.

“You’re on.”

It was a simple match. Two stock, best out of three, random stages, no items.

Ian probably counted as a handicap, seeing as all he did was spout entirely unhelpful advice and boo at obvious mistakes.

“Shouldn’t you be cheering me on?” Luke yelped when his character nearly fell off a ledge.

“Shouldn’t you be winning?” Ian sneered, jabbing his heel lightly into Luke’s side from where he had moved to sprawl out along the entirety of the couch.

Jimmy and Wallid were cheering, at least. For who? Caddy was pretty sure they weren’t even sure at that point, but they were sure excited.

"Fuck yeah!!!" Jimmy screamed when a stage hazard nearly sent Jeff toppling off-screen.

It was a long and arduous battle, ending after an even tie in the first two matches with Luke’s victory in the third.

Jeff pretended to melt into the floor, crying the woes of the fallen knight.

“My hero,” Ian deadpanned, barely mustering the will to sit up enough to kiss a beaming Luke on the cheek.

Caddy smiled.

He loved times like this.

_Brrrrring brrrrrrrrrring_

A ring tone echoed through the last dying cheers.

_Brrrrring brrrrrrrrrring_

Everyone went quiet.

Ian suddenly tensed up.

_Brrrrring brrrrrrrrrring_

“Jeff...” He said lowly. “I thought you blocked and deleted his number.”

“I-I-,” Jeff started, looking just as shocked from his place on the floor. “I... did?”

He didn’t sound so sure of that.

_Brrrrring brrrrrrrrrring_

Ian and Jeff both lunged for Jeff’s phone where it sat vibrating, playing a cheerful tone Caddy hadn’t heard before, Jeff barely snatching it off the coffee table before Ian’s fingers could touch it.

“Jeff-! God _fucking_ damnit,” Ian snapped as Jeff scrambled to stand, darting out of the living room in a panic, his phone clutched tightly in his hands. Ian did his best to follow, clambering off the sofa just as Jeff whipped around the corner out of the living room. By the time Ian made it there, a door was slammed.

Ian let out a frustrated cry, the surefire sound of him kicking the closed door and then cursing echoing back into the sitting room. 

_“You can’t just fucking hide in the bathroom, Jeff!”_

Luke grimaced, standing up to go help calm Ian down.

”...Is it-?” Jimmy looked nervous, chewing on his bottom lip. He glanced over at Wallid for confirmation to whatever it was he was wondering.

“He only uses that ring tone for one person,” Wallid sighed.

”...Who?” Caddy wondered aloud, overall completely confused by the past thirty seconds of excitement.

Jimmy just kept sucking on his lip, so Wallid breathed out another sigh, fixing Caddy with a solemn look.

“Who do you think?”


	17. Livewire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a chance is taken, and the ball is set to roll.

Luke eventually was able to coax Ian away from the door, calming him down enough to bring him back to sit in the living room, although it did take a while.

Jeff was still hiding in the bathroom, talking in a hushed voice to whoever was on the other end of the phone line.

Caddy hadn’t gotten a solid confirmation, but based on Ian’s current  _ state _ , Jimmy’s nervousness, and Wallid’s  _ pretty forward _ hint, Caddy had to guess it was PBG.

“It’s been  _ months _ ,” Ian hissed, mostly to Luke, but he was too angry to keep his voice low enough for everyone else not to hear. “What the fuck reason does he have for this?”

“I know,” Luke soothed his hand up and down Ian’s arm. “Whatever it is, it’s nothing we can’t deal with.”

“Jeff finally got out of his rut, and then this shit happens,” Ian grumbled. “Fucking figures, I guess.”

Minutes ticked by...

Finally, Jeff emerged. He came around the corner to the sitting room, slightly wide-eyed and a little red-faced.   
  


“You better have a good fucking excuse,” Ian growled, moving to stand, but Luke grabbed him by the wrist and sat him straight back down.

"I-I do," Jeff said quickly, the phone still clutched tightly in his fingers. "I do and please let me talk and finish before you say anything. Please."   
  


Jeff nervously looked around, scanning the room. Jimmy and Wallid looked at each other, sighing and shrugging. Ian was being firmly held in place by Luke. 

“Go ahead, Jeff,” Caddy answered for everybody. Jeff swallowed, taking a shallow breath.

“God, you’re all gonna hate me,” He said with a wry smile.

“We won’t,” Luke insisted, his arms now wrapped completely around Ian’s middle after Ian had wriggled his thin wrist out of Luke’s grip. He nodded to the empty armchair. “Take a seat. Explain away.”

Jeff nodded slowly, carefully moving to the chair and settling down.

“I...” He started after a moment’s silence. “So... It was Austin.”

He held his breath, waiting for an interjection. Luckily, everyone managed to stay quiet.

“He had a lot to say... About everything,” Jeff trailed off. ”... And you should all hear it. But...”

“But?” Jimmy pressed as Jeff paused, fidgeting in his seat.

“He wanted to tell you himself... So, uh...”

“No,” Ian sneered. “I’m not gonna listen to him talk bullshit over the phone.”

Jeff looked up at Ian with wide, blinking eyes.

“He’s coming over...” Jeff mumbled. Ian groaned.

"Jeff, what the  _ hell _ ?" Ian breathed out in pure exasperation. "Did you just suddenly forget what he did? To us? To you?"   
  


“Ian, I-I know,” Jeff started, his voice quivering as he fought to get his words out. “But please, you have to hear what he has to say. It’s so important, please.”

Jeff’s voice broke and he bit down hard on his lip. Ian sighed, shaking his head.

“Let’s discuss this, shall we?” Ian laughed bitterly. “Pros, nothing I can think of! Cons? He comes back in here and fucks you up  _ again _ , says some nonsense to get us all riled up over bullshit and we end up back where we started at the beginning of this whole fucking mess. What could possibly be so important to hear that we should risk that?”

"Jeff seems to think it's important," Caddy interjected. Ian's eyes moved to him now, leaving Jeff just as the fourth-year looked down, blinking to clear the fast-rising tears in his eyes.

“Sorry for me not trusting Jeff’s judgment when it comes to PBG, he doesn’t exactly have the best track record,” Ian snapped.

“What’s  _ actually _ the worst that could happen?” Caddy pushed back, narrowing his eyes at Ian. “We kick him out and go back to playing video games, nothing lost nothing gained. The best that could happen? Well...”

Caddy turned to Jeff with a nod.

“It... It could change everything,” Jeff said.

“When is he supposed to be here?” Jimmy asked, finally joining the conversation.

“Soon? As soon as he can. Five, ten minutes-ish,” Jeff responded.

“And you’re all just... Okay with this?” Ian laughed in disbelief. “Caddy, you saw how he was in the hallway. You’re okay with this?”

“I think it might be worth hearing whatever he has to say,” Caddy explained. “And if worst comes to worst...”

“We know how to get rid of him,” Wallid finished for Caddy with a smirk.

“Well fuck me, I guess,” Ian sighed heavily through his nose. “Okay then. But you can’t blame me if I punch him.”

They waited, the minutes ticking away like hours until through the silence cut the sound of a car pulling up to the driveway. Jeff hopped up quickly, dashing to the door.

Everyone else slowly moved to stand, not exactly trusting Jeff alone even for a minute with PBG, not yet at least. Luke kept a hand in Ian’s, making sure he couldn’t go anywhere too fast. They didn’t want a fight starting if they could help it. 

Caddy followed the rest of the guys to the door, already propped open with Jeff no doubt outside. Hidden Block grouped up around the opened door, peering outside to check up on their lone member.

Jeff was, in fact, outside, and so was Austin.

Jeff was clinging to Austin and vice versa, PBG's face buried snugly in the crook of his neck and his hands clutching tightly to the fabric of Jeff's hoodie, holding the shorter boy close. Jeff had his arms up around Austin's neck, keeping him right where he was. Caddy didn't miss Ian's quiet sigh.

“I hope this goes well,” Ian grumbled. “Mostly for him.”

Everyone else mumbled in agreement.

PBG and Jeff eventually unhooked themselves from each other, Jeff taking Austin’s hands and leading him back up the driveway to the house.

He looked... different.

Even Ian noticed it, as Caddy saw his brows furrow as the two of them approached.

Austin looked tired.  _ Really _ tired, and scared. There were fading bags under his eyes, the evidence of sleepless nights, and his eyes darted nervously across all of Hidden Block in front of him. He looked different enough without his Normal Boots hoodie, replaced for now with a dark jean jacket. He seemed to close in on himself when Jeff pulled him closer to the door. His hand tightened around Jeff’s.

“I hope you’re ready to talk,” Luke said with a light frown towards PBG when they were on the doorstep.

Austin looked up at him. God... He looked so  _ tired _ .

“I am,” His voice was quiet and shaky, unlike anything Caddy had heard out of him before. “I’ll explain everything.”


	18. Catch Me If I Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth, and nothing but the truth.

They sat Austin down in the living room, crowded around him, both to hear what he had to say and to make sure he didn’t try and run away. Because, honestly, with the way he was fidgeting in place, it seemed like he just might try that.

He was sitting on the armchair, Jeff balancing on the armrest next to him; they still had their hands intertwined tightly. The rest of the boys were in a scattered circle, waiting in anticipation to hear what the Normal Boots member had to say.

“I guess... I should start with an apology,” Austin sighed. “I know there’s nothing I can really say that can fix everything, but I have to say I’m sorry. You don’t have to accept, I know there might be nothing that can change how you feel about me and what I’ve done, but I need to get that off my chest.”

Ian narrowed his eyes, but no one made any move to say anything more. PBG took a deep breath before continuing. 

“I guess the best place to start is the beginning...”

-

_ Paul glared down at Austin. The fluorescent lights of the classroom flashed in his eyes. _

_ They were alone in the room, one PBG was used to, sadly. It was still set up from a trial earlier that week. No one used this room, that’s why Normal Boots could. Austin was sitting at a desk, Paul standing in front of him, glowering. _

_ “He keeps causing scenes,” Paul started pacing, chewing on the pad of his thumb. “He’s going to ruin everything.” _

_ “We’ve already gone through this,” Austin scowled. “Last year. He passed your weighted trial.” _

_ "With the condition that you and he knock it the fuck off, but now you're back at it, and we're back where we started," Paul growled under his breath. _

_ Austin set his jaw. There was no way he was letting this happen all over again. _

_ “There’s that new girl,” Paul muttered to himself. “She’s getting close to Jirard. You could take her instead, we could bring her into Normal Boots. That would solve our problem with  _ him _ and it would bring us closer to the masses. Show them they can hope to have a chance at touching us...” _

_ Paul stopped dead in his tracks, still biting at his thumb. _

_ “That would work...” _

_ He turned to PBG, who at this point was both confused and concerned. _

_ “Get with the girl, the pink-haired one, Hana,” Paul said flatly. _

_ “Absolutely not,” Austin’s scowl deepened. _

_ “I’m giving you a chance, here,” Paul sneered. _

_ “It’s not exactly a fair one,” Austin breathed out. “I can’t do this.” _

_ “Austin...” Paul sighed. “You don’t have a choice anymore. I’m not going to let you bring Normal Boots down with you.  _ You _ break him, or I will, and I can guarantee you I will be  _ so _ much worse.” _

-

“It hurt...” Austin’s grip had tightened around Jeff’s hand as he spoke. “But if I didn’t do it first, Paul would have, and he was right, he would have been worse...”

“So,” Wallid leaned forward, resting his elbows on his legs, steepling his fingers together in front of his lips as his face twisted in thought. “You broke up with Jeff to... protect him from something worse?”

“Essentially...” Austin murmured. “And I  _ warned _ you not to make a scene.”

His eyes fell on Ian for a moment, before casting back to the floor.

“If Paul got word that Hidden Block was angry, that you had a chance of...  _ acting up _ ... he would have torn you apart. He had it all set up to tip over like a row of dominoes.”

“And he did...” Luke frowned. Austin nodded slowly.

" _ Hidden Block is dead _ sounds a lot more like a threat than a warning," Ian grumbled. "Maybe work on your speech inflection just a  _ little _ bit."

“Paul’s threat extended to more than just you,” Austin said sternly. “I... have things I’d rather keep under wraps, myself. Normal Boots are also subject to their own rules. If I didn’t cement my place on their side then there’s  _ nothing _ I could have done to help.”

“What did you do to help, exactly?” Ian sneered. “Because, frankly, it doesn’t seem like much.”

“I kept your secrets,” Austin snapped. “You went out quietly. It was the most I could manage.”

Ian huffed, crossing his arms and leaning back in the cushions. Austin took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry, I’m balancing a lot, I really did the best I could,” He said quietly.

“Okay, so say all of this is true,” Ian narrowed his eyes. “Why did you take so long to tell us? Why did you help us at all? And why should we believe you?”

“Like I said... I was balancing a lot. Normal Boots is... It’s unstable right now. Not to mention, all of you hated my guts. I didn’t want to hurt Jeff more than I had to if I could manage, I knew inserting myself back into your lives wouldn’t be exactly welcome. I helped because I  _ know _ how far Paul would have gone if I didn’t.”

Austin looked straight at Caddy.

“There are some things better kept in the past. Right?”

Caddy swallowed thickly.

He never really thought of it as a possibility... Normal Boots  _ knowing _ . But now that he thought about it, of course they did. He wasn’t exactly subtle, a new kid fresh off a transfer a fourth into the year with history at the school they all used to go to.

“Right...” Caddy said quietly. Ian looked at him in confusion.

“Is there something I’m not getting here?” Ian asked, his voice cold. “Are we all just going to forget what he did? He  _ started _ Normal Boots and he started this whole shit-show in the first place.”

“It’s better to have the full picture,” Jeff said quietly. “If you only have your own you’re not making the best decisions.”

Jimmy grumbled in agreement from the floor, Wallid nodding along. Ian looked around, bewildered. 

“Maybe we should talk about this more,” Luke prompted. “Without Austin, no offense.”

“None taken,” Austin said quickly. He moved to stand. “I’ll be in the other room. Take your time.”

Jeff nodded, giving Austin’s hand a final squeeze before they let their hands fall to their sides. Austin took a step back, shyly lowering his head to the rest of Hidden Block before dipping out of the room.

“Well,” Wallid sucked in a breath. “That was, uh... Some information.”

“Yeah,” Ian mumbled. “It sure was, and I’m not so sure how much I like or trust it.”

“I trust him,” Jeff piped up.

“Of course you trust him,” Ian sighed.

“Why of course? I'm the one that got burned by him the worst, I should be the one that trusts him the least,” Jeff frowned, his arms coming up to cross defensively over his chest. “If I know one thing, it's that I know Austin, and I know when he's lying. He's a really bad liar.”

"If that's the case, then why didn't you know he wasn't telling the truth when he broke up with you, wouldn't he have been dropping signs then, too?" Ian responded.

“For all I know he was,” Jeff turned his gaze away, focusing his eyes on the seams of the chair he was still balancing on the armrest of. “But I was too blindsided by my feelings to notice them in the moment.”

”...You really believe him?” Ian asked quietly. He looked around, trying to catch everyone’s eyes. “All of you?”

“I’m not forgiving anybody just yet,” Luke cut in. “And I’m not forgetting, either. This isn’t an excuse, it’s an explanation.”

”...Yeah...” Ian trailed off, his brow furrowing. “But... Jeff, are you really going to let this just...  _ happen _ ? You don’t have any problems with him coming back with something like this?”

“I... I don’t know,” Jeff sighed. “I’m not saying I’m not suspicious... I guess I’m just... Hopeful. He’s telling the truth, I can vouch for that, but... I don’t know what that means for us.”

“If anything, this means you guys are like, officially okay to be together, right? Outside school, I mean,” Jimmy finally spoke up. “What’s stopping you guys from, y’know, doing what we’re doing right now, and being together off-campus, away from Normal Boots.”

Jeff’s expression softened, while Ian’s hardened. 

“That would be... I’d like that,” Jeff mumbled.

"Seriously?" Ian laughed breathily, his face displaying disbelief. "After all this, you're just going to take him back?"   
  


Jeff opened his mouth to respond, but Ian held up his hand to cut him off. 

“You know what? I don’t care anymore,” Ian pinched the bridge of his nose. “Do whatever you want.”

He quickly stood, striding out of the room before anyone had a chance to try and call him back. Caddy almost stood to follow him, but Luke sighed and beat him to it, following Ian to the other room to hopefully help coax him back.

Jeff looked dejectedly down at the carpet, pulling his sleeves down over his hands.

“Sorry...” He mumbled. 

“No,” Caddy shook his head. “You didn’t do anything. Ian really cares about you, about all of you guys. I can see where he’s worried this might turn into something bad, but you didn’t do anything, Jeff.”

Jeff nodded silently, sniffling to himself. 


	19. Bloom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another talk, and a little bit more trust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey-yo! I usually try not to talk too much in the notes, but this time it might be a little warranted. Two chapters are going up today! It's my birthday on the 30th and I decided, eh, fuck it, let's double upload for the hell of it. If you're reading this the day it comes out then chapter 20 might already be up, or it'll be up shortly! If you're reading this at some later date then uh, this doesn't really mean anything to you, continue as normal lol.

Ian sucked on the inside of his cheek.

God... why was he like this?

He was so paranoid and  _ scared _ all the time. He didn’t want anything to happen to any of his friends - Not if he could help it.

This just sounded too good to be true. Austin wasn’t actually out to tear them apart, he was trying to help them, he honest to God cared about Jeff and it hurt him to push the other boy away... Ian couldn’t let himself fall for that.

Because what if it wasn’t true? What would that do to them? Austin would split a rift through what little they had, pulling Jeff away again after he’d just managed to come back to himself.

But if it was true... Then... Then Jeff could be happy, and they might have a way to keep themselves out of more of the trouble they were already deep in.

The risks still weighed heavy on Ian’s mind, even as he weighed the positives.

He shouldn’t have blown up at Jeff, though... Again.

He did that too often... It was awful and he hated it.

It wasn’t fair to anyone,  _ especially _ not Jeff. 

...

He should really apologize.

Luke had helped him gather the strength, after Austin had been called back into the living room by the rest of the club and Ian had broken down crying, because  _ fuck _ all of this was so unnecessarily complicated and stupid and he wished Jeff could just be happy without anyone worrying about him being stabbed in the back again or anything else happening to the little that kept them together.

Ian slowly shuffled back into the main room, slightly embarrassed but ready to apologize, only to find Jeff was asleep.

By then, Jimmy and Wallid had to leave. That was a  _ lot _ for one day, and they had to get going before it started getting dark. Caddy had stuck around for a while until he realized he couldn't do anything more, then he too headed home, which left Luke, Ian, Austin, and Jeff. Luke stayed behind, a silent encouragement for Ian, meanwhile the latter two were lying with their legs tangled across the length of one of the couches, Jeff asleep and breathing softly with his head on PBG's chest.

Austin noticed Ian when he walked in, pausing in carding his fingers through Jeff’s hair.

“Oh... He’s asleep,” Ian started and stopped in the same breath. Austin chuckled lightly.

“Yeah,” Austin smiled lazily, smoothing the short hairs at the back of Jeff’s neck down. Jeff sighed in his sleep, nuzzling closer into Austin. “Too much excitement.”

“Yeah,” Ian let out his own breathy laugh. “I’ll say.”

Austin hummed, nodding lightly.

Ian swallowed in the awkward silence, taking a breath before crossing his arms and stepping further into the room.

“I was going to apologize to him for... freaking out earlier,” Ian frowned lightly. “But... if he’s asleep, I’d like to talk with you.”

A flicker of worry crossed PBG’s face, but he cleared his throat, nodded, and shifted to sit up just the slightest bit.

“Sure, of course.”

Ian nodded, moving to sit across from him in the lone armchair.

“A lot has... come to light, recently,” Ian started, crossing his arms over his stomach. Austin nodded slowly, waiting for Ian to continue.

“And... frankly, I’m still not sure I trust you.”

“I don’t blame you,” Austin broke a wiry smile.

“I just-,” Ian sighed, leaning back further into the chair. “You hurt him so badly, he was a mess. Why didn’t you just tell Jeff this was temporary, or explain why you had to do it? It would have made things so much easier on all of us.”

“There are people more loyal to Normal Boots than I am at this point,” Austin’s eyes shifted down as he muttered, busying his hands with Jeff’s hair once again. “And I don’t have as much power as I once did. Paul... He’s really the one in charge at this point. Say what you will about our reach over the school, but the fact is if Paul wasn’t student council president we wouldn’t have as much impact, and he figured that out. I couldn’t risk word getting out that I was soft in any way, or it would have gone straight to Paul and we  _ all _ would have been fucked. I was given one choice and if it wasn’t followed to the  _ T _ then... Well, it was just better to make  _ everyone _ believe... Even if it was painful.”

Austin laughed, quietly. Bitterly.

“I’m taking a risk right now, honestly, that Paul doesn’t hear about me coming to you guys somehow. I guess I’m trusting all of you with that...”

Ian nodded, still frowning. He was beginning to understand.

“What about...” He started up again, biting his cheek. “How did you know that I-... The teachers’ lounge...”

“Josh,” Austin sighed, a genuine look of pity crossing his features that caught Ian off guard. “I’m so sorry about that... But it wasn’t his choice. Like I said, Normal Boots are subject to their own rules for... liability’s sake, and Josh and Paul have... a  _ rough spot _ . Josh voted for Jeff’s innocence during the panel last year, I don’t think Paul has entirely forgiven him for not letting him squash our relationship right then and there.”

“Right…” 

God… Ian wished he knew if Josh was doing alright. He probably wasn’t, but Ian could hope. Their little routine of keeping each other sane in the twilight hours had been swept away with everything else. It meant a lot to both of them, those late-night talks in the lounge, when they were alone and could be friends outside of any other bullshit going on. They would complain about their parents and the expectations put upon them. They'd go on about the state of their social lives and Josh would cry once the jokes weren’t enough and it sunk in just how badly he’d fucked up by getting expelled from Asagao. They’d do their nails sometimes, just because they could.

Ian was lucky enough to have Hidden Block to come to, though. Josh didn’t really have anyone to trust anymore if Paul really had been hard on him.

Ian’s shoulders sank. All at once, this was starting to make too much sense. Ian swallowed, his throat had gone dry while Austin was talking.

“One last thing,” He said quietly.

“Of course,” Austin nodded.

“What do you know about Caddy?” Ian’s brow furrowed. “He seemed scared, and you looked right at him when you were talking about... secrets from our past.”

Austin looked at Ian for a moment, as if contemplating something, before he sighed and shook his head.

“I’m afraid it’s not my place to say,” He said. “I won’t be responsible for anyone’s story being told too soon, not anymore.”

Ian nodded slowly.

“Okay... I understand,” He mumbled. 

A quiet knock on the door frame to the living room broke up the oncoming still silence. Ian looked up, as did PBG, to find Luke in the entryway.

“I hate to interrupt, but it’s getting late,” Luke smiled apologetically. 

“Yeah,” Ian sighed. “Yeah, it is.”

He stood with another sigh, walking slowly over to Luke.

Luke gave Ian a sideways glance, something that indicated his thoughts were something along the lines of  _ you trust him alone with Jeff? _

Ian took a moment, then nodded slowly.  _ I think so. _

Before they left, Ian turned around, looking straight at Austin with the most fiercely protective glare he could manage.

“Take care of him, okay?”

A small smile graced Austin’s face. He looked down at Jeff, still soundly asleep against him.

“I will, I promise.”

Ian nodded sharply in approval, turning with Luke to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I should get goin'," Austin grumbled. "Before your parents get back."
> 
> Jeff had since woken up, but they hadn't yet moved from their position intertwined on the sofa.
> 
> "Haven't heard that in a while," Jeff chuckled weakly. He didn’t move an inch. "Just five more minutes? Then you can go."
> 
> Austin looked down at Jeff fondly.
> 
> "Of course," He murmured, pressing a light kiss to the top of Jeff’s head. "Anything for you, princess."


	20. POCKET KNIVES AND HALF EMPTY LIGHTERS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another pause from our usual broadcasting. This chapter brought to you once again by Jeff's memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings for arson and general being gay/doing crime. Tiniest bit suggestive right at the very end for approximately five seconds.

Jeff whistled along to the music blasting in his ears. Drums drowned out his extra thoughts, the scream of electric guitar keeping him hooked on the beat.

Math was total hell, and he hated it, but doing homework with lyrics to keep him away from boredom was more tolerable, at least.

Maybe he  _ was _ going deaf, though, like his mom said he was, because he nearly missed his phone ringing over the rumbling bass.

He quickly paused his music on his computer, pulling out his earbuds and smiling when brutal rock was replaced by a soft, chirpy tune. He scooped up his phone from where it was still jingling and vibrating along, not even bothering to look at the caller-ID before picking up. He knew exactly who it was.   
  


“Heeeeeey,” Jeff drawled, nibbling on his bottom lip when he heard Austin’s low laugh on the other end of the line.

“ _ Hey _ ,” Austin’s voice trickled through the speaker. ” _ How are you this fine Saturday? _ ”

“Booooored,” Jeff whined. “I have math work and an essay due on Monday, ugh.”

“ _ Awww _ ,” Austin cooed. ” _ That does sound like a bore. _ ”

“I know, it is,” Jeff pouted. The pout turned into a frown when he heard Austin curse quietly to himself and breathe sharply. “Are you doing something?”

“ _ Eyah, sorry, _ ” Austin hissed. “ _ Say, babe, if you need a break from school work, I’m about to do something dangerous and more than likely really illegal. _ ”

“Wait, really?” Jeff perked up. “What? Where?”

“ _ If you can keep a secret, _ ” Austin chuckled, sending chills down Jeff’s arms. “ _ Meet me outside the school gates as soon as you can. _ ”

“Gimme five minutes,” Jeff grinned. “I’ll be right there.”

" _ M'kay, princess, I'll see you soon, _ " Austin's smile was prevalent through his voice alone. 

Jeff wasn't sure what he was in for, but fuck if he wasn't excited. Any escapade with Austin was bound to be a good time. The school was a fifteen-minute walk from Jeff's place, but at a brisk pace and with the occasional burst of speed Jeff reached the front gates in around seven.

Austin was waiting there like he said he would be, but Jeff wasn't expecting him to be on the  _ other _ side of the fence.

“Tisk, tisk,” Austin shook his head, a lazy, amused smirk on his face. He tapped an invisible watch on his wrist. “You’re late, Fabre.”

”Give me a break,” Jeff scoffed lightly. “I had to convince my mom I was just going out for a walk to clear my head.”

“Lying, as well as late? What a naughty boy,” Austin shook his head in painfully fake disapproval. Jeff rolled his eyes.

“Oh, shut up and just tell me how you got over the fence,” He huffed, crossing his arms.

"Hmm, maybe," Austin laughed when Jeff glared at him. "Okay, fiiiine."   
  


He held out his hand, making a beckoning motion.

“I’ll make it easier on you, gimme your foot.”

Jeff stepped forward, gripping the metal bars with both of his hands, planting his shoe in Austin’s hands, now laced together to make a stable step for Jeff. Austin heaved Jeff up as far as he could, high enough for Jeff to be able to grab the top of the fence in between two spikes.

“Now get a leg up there,” Austin continued. Jeff did as he was told, struggling for a moment before he was able to get his knee up and hooked around the metal bar. He cursed when a metal spike sliced a jagged cut in his jeans just next to his knee.

“Alright, you’re gonna have to trust me for this,” Austin took a small step back once he was sure Jeff was stable without his hands holding him up. “Push yourself up and over.”

“I’ll fall, idiot,” Jeff snorted. Not like he really had another option at that point, but...

“I’ll catch you, idiot,” Austin rolled his eyes. Jeff sighed. He gripped the bar under him firmly, pushing himself over the edge of the fence, yelping when another spike caught and tore a rip in the other leg of his jeans.

Austin did catch him though. Sort of, at least. Well enough.

“Much more graceful than me,” Austin beamed, kissing Jeff on the nose before setting him down. Only then did Jeff realize the rips in Austin’s jacket sleeves and one across his shin.

“You could’ve warned me,” Jeff rolled his eyes, dusting himself off.

“I think that ruins some of the fun,” Austin hummed cheerily to himself before spinning on his heel. He started walking toward the entrance to the school, picking up a solid blue gallon jug of  _ something _ on his way.

Jeff trotted to quickly catch up with him, falling into step and lacing his fingers through Austin’s free hand.

They walked up to the front door. Jeff stopped dead in his tracks. The black half-sphere sitting upside-down on the overhang made a chill run through him.

“Austin-“

“The security systems are down for maintenance, due to have work done tomorrow. But shh, don’t tell anyone,” Austin explained quickly with a wink. “Otherwise I wouldn’t be doing this, now would I?”

“How do you know-?” Jeff started.

“Being a god at the school has its perks, what can I say?” Austin smirked, looking down at Jeff as he brought up his hand from holding Jeff’s to trace a finger along the smaller boy’s jaw to his chin. “I get to know things.”

“O-oh,” Jeff stammered. He always froze up when Austin did that.

“Cute,” Austin hummed, leaning down and kissing the tip of Jeff’s nose again. Austin then dug around in his pocket for a moment, before producing a small silver key.

“Another perk of Normal Boots,” He whistled to himself, turning away from Jeff to slot the key into the door’s lock. It fit perfectly. “Well, student council perks. So, me stealing from Paul perks.”

The heavy door swung open with no problem after Austin clicked the lock to the side, flourishing a hand to show Jeff inside.

“You first,” He mock bowed. Jeff rolled his eyes for what seemed like the twentieth time already, striding inside, Austin close behind him. Austin grabbed Jeff’s hand again, swinging their arms between them as they strode down the dim hallways.

“Where are we headed?” Jeff had to ask.

“Chemistry lab,” Austin hummed as if that was obvious.

“Why?” Jeff snorted.

“Because it’s supposed to be the  _ least _ flammable room in the whole school,” Austin grinned. “Don’t you wanna test that?”

Jeff bit his lip.

”...Yes.”

Turns out, it was gasoline that Austin had in the blue plastic gallon jug.

Papers from the teacher’s cabinets were ripped and thrown around tables, posters from the wall torn and strung around like streamers. Gasoline shined on the linoleum, the smell was almost unbearable. Jeff was glad he had pulled his shirt up over his mouth, though his eyes still watered in the fumes.

Austin’s eyes glinted, happy with the disaster they had made.

Jeff knew Austin had an  _ affinity _ for fire. He always had a lighter on him, even if he didn’t smoke. He just liked burning things on the occasion. That was what got him expelled from the academy, after all. Setting fire to things. Apparently uppity charter school staff didn’t appreciate smoldering file cabinets.

Austin cleared his throat, catching Jeff’s attention. They’d moved out of the room by that point, standing in the door frame, admiring their work. Austin held out a paper airplane to Jeff. If Jeff just squinted at the folds he could see chemical equations typed evenly along its entirety.

“Care to do the honors?” Austin smiled, his lighter in his other hand, a shitty clear plastic one from some gas station. Austin loved that thing. Jeff noticed with a small frown that it was half empty. Maybe he would get Austin a new one as a gift, though knowing Austin he probably had more already.

Jeff nodded, taking the paper plane from Austin, waiting patiently as Austin spun the lighter’s spark until a flame burst from it. Jeff dipped the tail end of the plane into the flame, before throwing it carelessly into the room.

The paper airplane didn’t make it far, but it didn’t have to. It fell to a burning, crumpled heap on the floor, the gasoline around it erupting into a greater flame, crawling across the linoleum and up across heavy wooden tables where paper lay as tinder. Heat rushed out of the room in a wave.

“Disappointingly flammable,” Austin clicked his tongue. He shook his head, letting the door slowly close on its own before he turned to Jeff, holding out his arm. “Shall we go?”

“Yes, let’s,” Jeff hooked his arm through Austin’s. They made it about ten steps with their tongues between their teeth, trying not to laugh, but then the whine of the fire alarm went off and the surefire sound of the indoor sprinklers kicking up sent them screaming and laughing down the hall.

They ran outside and hopped back over the fence, tearing more rips in their jackets and the knees of their jeans.

"Holy shit," Jeff gasped for air, giddy, giggly, and high off the adrenaline and the gasoline fumes. He stood for a moment, just breathing with Austin's hands on his shoulders and his own hands on Austin's wrists. "We could get arrested."   
  


“We should probably get running then, huh?” Austin grinned wolfishly. 

They ran whooping and screaming again down the sidewalk, down a handful of blocks to where Austin had parked his car, far enough away for it not to be glaringly obvious he was going to the school.

“Where to?” Austin asked, a grin still firmly on his face, an eyebrow now raised.

“I don’t care,” Jeff sighed, kicking his feet up on the dashboard, already reaching for the radio.

"Sandlot it is then," Austin started the ignition.   
  


They ended up at the abandoned construction site not too far off the main road. It was a field of gravel piles, sand, and unused bricks. The project was abandoned, and it was a mystery as to why the materials hadn’t been cleaned up yet. Cost, probably.

On some days you would find bands of people doing figure eights and kicking up dust, but for the moment it was empty; Perfect for Austin to pull over to the side, before pulling Jeff into the back seat with him. Jeff happily took the opportunity to crawl into Austin’s lap.

“That was fun,” Jeff hummed contentedly, wrapping his arms up and around Austin’s neck. Austin left the engine running so the air conditioning and the radio stayed on, soft pop trickling through the speakers to accompany them.

“I didn’t know you took after my pyromania, my dear,” Austin tisked. “I must be a bad influence.

“Maybe you are,” Jeff let one hand come down from around Austin’s neck, coming to rest on the taller boy’s chest, where Jeff drew lazy patterns.

“I’m glad you’re just about as crazy as I am,” Austin smiled fondly at Jeff, who in turn also broke out in a grin.

“Who else would have stayed with you this long?” Jeff giggled, squirming in Austin’s lap. The taller boy hissed under his breath, gripping Jeff’s thighs with his hands to keep him from moving.

“You’re really gonna tease me?” Austin scoffed.

“If you’re not gonna do anything, yeah,” Jeff tipped his head back, looking smugly down at Austin. The taller boy growled quietly, taking Jeff’s exposed neck as an invitation.

“You smell like smoke,” Austin breathed against the soft skin of his neck.

"Hmm, I wonder why," Jeff snorted, his laugh getting cut off with a shudder when Austin's cold hands slid up his sides, under his shirt and hoodie.   
  


"Y' should get your clothes off," Austin mumbled, nipping softly at Jeff's skin. "Y'know, so you don't go home from your  _ peaceful, thought-clearing walk _ smelling like a car garage."

“Charming,” Jeff rolled his eyes. “Luckily for you, I agree.”

“Even more lucky for  _ you _ , a certain  _ someone _ left their clothes in my room last time they slept over and stole my hoodie, so you have something to change into,” Austin worked his way down Jeff’s neck until he was sucking on his collar bones, pushing the hem of his shirt and jacket up his stomach with one hand and squeezing his hip with the other. “I still need that back, by the way.”

“Mmmm, nah, it’s mine now,” Jeff snickered. “If you want it you can come over and get it.”

“Brat,” Austin huffed, the smile still loud in his voice.

“Yeah, you love me, though,” Jeff purred. Austin chuckled lowly.

“That’s true.”


	21. Making Ends Meet, One Way Or Another

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start of the end.

Caddy was in the second year hall, as per usual, digging through his locker for supplies for the next period of classes. 

It was a bit of a weird day. Not much of a surprise there, though.

Ian had, thankfully, caught Caddy, as well as Wallid and Jimmy, up on anything that happened after they left the day Austin had come over. It was so much to take in... And finding out what it all  _ really _ meant for the group and their situation at large was a whole other issue.

He felt someone tap lightly on his shoulder. Caddy turned around, expecting it to be someone whose locker was on either side of his saying he needed to step out of the way, but instead, it was a boy he didn't recognize, standing over his shoulder grinning cheerily. 

“Well, well, well, if it isn't the one and only James Caddick,” The boy chirped. “Pleasure to finally meet you.”

Caddy winced at his full name. He looked the other boy up and down. He was taller than Caddy by a good amount. Olive skin, black hair, blue eyes. Caddy’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

“I'm sorry, do I know who you are?” Caddy winced. He hadn’t really seen the guy around, but he seemed familiar.  _ Really _ familiar. 

“Let's find somewhere to chat, shall we?” The taller boy ignored Caddy’s question for the moment, turning on the balls of his feet to start down a side hallway without waiting for Caddy to respond at all.

Caddy nervously followed the boy he didn't know down the emptying hallways. He seemed to know his way around really well. He turned around once they had made it to a secluded enough area, free from any other loitering students.

“My name is Paul,” The boy said. Suddenly his grin didn’t seem so welcoming.

Caddy froze up.

Well, fuck.

Flashes of Austin’s pained and scared face when he talked about how Paul had pushed him to not just break up with Jeff, but rip him to pieces. How Ian had told Caddy apparently Paul had more power in Normal Boots than Austin did, and how as he was in charge of the student council  _ and _ the school paper, he was the one to really look out for. He wasn’t wearing his club jacket, but the demeanor this guy gave off told Caddy this was probably the right person.

Not to mention, Caddy just remembered where he recognized him from. Morning announcements by the student council.

“Now, now, James,” Paul tisked and shook his head disapprovingly. ”It’s rude to stare, and you’re supposed to shake my hand. It’s only polite.”

Caddy slowly reached up and took Paul’s hand. The fourth-year’s grip was far too tight for comfort. Caddy felt like Paul’s eyes were ripping him down to his bones.

“Now, onto business,” Paul quickly pulled his hand away, clapping and smiling like they were about to set up a business deal together. “I know we’ve only just met properly, but I have a proposition for you.”

Caddy found it hard to talk, only finding himself able to nod along dumbly.

“I’m  _ sick _ of having to play cleanup crew, you see,” Paul’s grin wavered, straining against a scowl. “I do it so often. And so it pains me to see someone else trying  _ oh _ so hard to keep such a  _ mess _ together.”

Caddy didn’t like where this was going at all.

“All I’m asking is a simple favor,” Paul hummed lightly. Caddy had a sinking feeling this wasn’t going to be a favor, it was going to be a threat, and it probably wasn’t going to be simple.

" _ Please _ stop trying to hold Hidden Block together," Paul's face twisted into some sick form of sad sympathy. "It's like trying to duct tape a running train together, watching from afar it's just sad to see. Isn't it better to watch the pieces scatter to the wind then it is to see the whole thing hit a brick wall? What a waste of effort in the end."

Caddy’s hands balled into fists at his sides.

“They’re all misfits, anyway. Some time away from each other might help them  _ even out. _ ”

“Shut up.”

"What?" Paul blinked like he was stunned Caddy talked back to him.

“I said, shut  _ up _ .” Caddy snarled. “What do you even know about Hidden Block? About anyone in it? You’re so obsessed with trying to control everything. That, and your stupid, petty hatred towards Jeff has gotten unreasonably out of hand. You hurt PBG and made him hurt Jeff and now you’re trying to-“

“Wait.”

“No, I won’t stop, I-“

“I said  _ wait _ ,” Paul growled. “How do you know anything about me doing  _ anything _ to Austin...?”

Paul paused, his face snapping to attention like he just got smacked between the eyes. Caddy immediately tried to backtrack.

“N-no, I-,” Caddy swallowed thickly. “I didn’t, I just-“

“Oh my God...” Paul breathed out, cutting off Caddy’s floundering, a long sigh turning into an airy laugh. “Oh my  _ God _ . What a disaster, letting his feelings get the better of him.”

Shit. Shit, fuck, fuck,  _ fuck _ , Caddy fucked up.

“Oh, James, you’ve just been more useful than you know,” Paul’s smile was somehow even more unsettling now.

“You’re making a huge fucking mistake,” Caddy quickly started up again. “Whatever you’re thinking right now isn’t what-“

“Ah, ah, shh, no talking,” Paul shushed Caddy, pressing a finger to the smaller boy’s lips. “You said all you needed to.”

He giggled, a manic noise that sent chills across Caddy’s back.

“I hope you have fun picking up the pieces of this train wreck,” Paul chirped.

Caddy felt dread pit in his stomach.

“You piece of shit,” He muttered.

“Sorry, say again?” Paul quirked his head to the side.

“I said, you’re a cowardly piece of  _ shit _ ,” Caddy sneered. “You hide behind Normal Boots and your title, act like your word is law and hurt everyone around you because you want to run everything. How sad could you get?”

“Coward?” Paul mumbled. “Hmm...”

He looked down at the floor pensively, his arms crossed, brow furrowed.

“Maybe I am...” He sighed. Before Caddy could open his mouth again Paul’s expression did a complete one-eighty, whipping back to a wide grin. “Nah, I don’t think so.”

He laughed, the sound echoing dimly in the hallway.

”I gave you a chance to step away before all of this went up in flames. But you just had to be  _ so _ rude. Let’s see how brave you are with your guts spilled, too, shall we?”


	22. Welcome To The Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Among libel and lies, Caddy finds everything he was scared of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings for brief mentions of past drug and alcohol use, firearms, arson, and gangs.

Caddy wasn’t sure whether or not telling Hidden Block about his little _interaction_ with Paul was a good idea.

Surely he should, they should know. Not to mention Paul seemed like he was targeting Austin this time, which meant he should know too.

He ended up doing his best to explain over the group chat. Yes, Ian, he was fine. Yes, Luke, he would get rest. Yes, Jeff, he would be careful, thank you for passing the message along to PBG. Yes, Jimmy, he appreciated the cute dog pictures, they cheered him up. Yes, Wallid, even your puns helped.

What scared Caddy the most was Paul’s last threat...

_Let’s see how brave you are with your guts spilled, too, shall we?_

...Surely, he wouldn’t.

That’s what Caddy tried to convince himself, anyway. That Paul wouldn’t do anything. Not bad, anyway. Not big, at least. Not...

_Not this._

Caddy swore it had been at least ten minutes. He just stood there, the banner strung across the front hall locking him in place.

_HIDDEN BLOCK SMUGGLES GUNS_

It wasn’t true, obviously... _He_ knew that.

But it still scared the _shit_ out of him.

Because that would start people talking...

Because there could be more...

And there was. 

_So_ much more.

Caddy's phone going off was the only thing that snapped him out of his haze. He swiped to answer the call without a thought, bringing the speaker up to his ear, still unable to tear his eyes off the bold, black, painted letters.

” _Caddy?"_ Wallid’s worried voice rung in the Brit’s ears. ” _Caddy are you okay? Please tell me you’re okay._ ”

“I’m fine,” Caddy muttered numbly. “There’s...”

_“The banner, we know,_ ” Wallid took a shaky breath. ” _And the paper. We don’t know how much of that is true, but... I just wanted to let you know, from all of us. We’ve been trying to get a hold of you through text but you weren’t responding so I called... It doesn’t change anything, Caddy. You’re still our friend._ ”

Caddy zoned out about half-way through Wallid talking.

The paper...? The newspaper?

He heard Wallid still going on somewhere in the back of his mind, but for the moment he was preoccupied, wandering over to the school newspaper stand, the one that stood just inside the entrance, a little wire rack with copies of the student’s news...

_CHEMISTRY LAB ARSONIST EXPOSED_

_STUDENT RELATED TO GANG ACTIVITY_

_CLUB CAUGHT WITH FIREARMS ON CAMPUS_

No...

” _Caddy? Cads? Are you still there?”_

“I’ll call you back...” Caddy hung up before Wallid had a chance to say another word. He flipped to the page his story was labeled for, skipping over paragraphs smearing Austin for an arson, his heart rising in his throat.

No.

No, fuck please no.

_James Caddick._

It was all there.

_Student expelled from Asagao Academy for gang-related activity, drug abuse, and underage drinking._

All of it.

Things he hadn’t had the courage to tell his friends printed in detail for everyone to see. He swallowed thickly, his hands beginning to shake. He looked up, glancing around the hall. 

People were staring at him.

_People were staring at him._

_People were staring at him, they knew, they know._

The rush of blood in his ears made him dizzy. Suddenly it sounded like everyone in the corridor was talking about him. They were talking about him and _looking at him and oh God, fuck he couldn’t cry, he wouldn’t let himself._

The newspaper crumpled in his hands. There was no point in taking any of them... There were more around campus than he knew how to even get to, and enough people had more than likely read it by that point that there probably wasn’t a need for them anymore. He carefully smoothed it out, folded it, and put it back where it was, all with shaking hands.

Caddy choked out a sob, turning on his heel and walking straight back out the front doors to the school with his head down.

His phone rang again, this time it was Jeff calling. He ignored the call, turning off his phone completely.

His feet carried him along, stumbling every so often as his eyes clouded with tears, but he didn’t let himself break down fully until he reached the bleachers.

Caddy stayed in solitude in tears on top of the metal benches, losing time to the white memories echoing in his head once again.


	23. I'm Sorry For Bleeding On Your Carpet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We once again take a break to look back to the past. This time, it's Caddy's, and it's something he never wanted anyone to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings for heavy mentions of blood, descriptions of major injuries, explicit violence/gang violence, bullying, drug and alcohol reference/mentioned use, blackmail, and firearms.
> 
> This chapter is the reason most of the worst tags are here, guys. Please take the warnings seriously. Proceed with caution.

Getting jumped into a gang was not on Caddy’s plans for...  _ ever _ .

_ God _ , his friends were stupid.

Well, ‘friends’. He called them that because they weren’t fond of being called blackmailers.

They were nice at first, they really were. But once they started testing the waters -- drugs, stealing, alcohol -- and Caddy tried to back away, they chained him down, kept him close on a leash of threats. They didn’t want him talking.

Caddy looked back on himself throughout the year and  _ man _ , he was an idiot for thinking it peaked at smoking. Nicotine was nothing compared to... anything, really. Name something and Caddy had probably had it shoved down his throat or shot through his veins. Ecstasy, coke, overdosing Xanax. No weed, though.  _ That was too tame _ .

But this was too far. Hell, it was too far before, but this was  _ way too fucking far _ .

Too bad Caddy couldn’t do anything, though. What a shame.

He ended up bloody in a back alley behind a nearly abandoned gas station.

“Come on, bitch boy,” Caddy heard growled into his ear, a fist in his hair pulling him back up to his knees, making the blood rush around his head again and kicking off a whole new wave of nausea.

“Aww, is he gonna pass out already?”

"How much head blood can you lose, huh?"

His head was slammed back down into the concrete, his vision blacking out for a moment, but he still heard echoing laughter in his head.

“I think he’s crying!”

“This is boring, let’s break a rib or something, make him scream.”

_ Please don’t _ , a weak voice in Caddy’s head begged. Judging by the howling laughter, he might have said it out loud, too.

“Awww, the rich brat knows his manners, he said please.”

“ _ Please don’t hurt me! I’m so delicate! _ Make him scream!”

Caddy heard the clinking of heavy metal, a shimmery almost snakelike noise that sounded like the rattle of chain.

It  _ was _ chain, turns out. Caddy realized quickly as the doubled-up end of the coil collided with his stomach,  _ tearing _ a cry from his throat.

"P-please,  _ please _ ," He sobbed. He didn't even know where his so-called friends were at that point. He was dragged up to go first, unsurprisingly.

“You backing down? Pathetic little fairy boy can’t even beg not to be hit anymore, aww.”

Another crack of metal against his chest broke another sob from Caddy.

The rough traction of a steel-toed boot came down on his cheek, pressing his jaw into the concrete.

“Go ahead and beg.”

“ _ Please _ ,” Caddy could barely keep himself breathing at that point between the pressure of his head being crushed down against asphalt and the  _ hellish _ burn that erupted across his chest now every time he took a breath.

“Please, what? Be specific, I might think you’re asking for more.”

A screeching chorus of cackles roared as Caddy suffered another hit with the chain.

“Beg, bitch!”

“Please!” Caddy screamed. “Please,  _ God please _ , no more. Please, please, please...”

The laughter only continued, and Caddy found himself being pulled up by the hair again.

“Spit,” The man holding him commanded. Caddy couldn’t manage the strength to actually spit, sobbing and drooling an even mix of blood and saliva onto the ground.

Sneers and snickers flooded his ears.

“We’ll stop when it’s all blood,” The man chuckled, releasing Caddy’s hair, letting him fall back onto the asphalt.

A gunshot sounded.

“Stop it! No more!”

Caddy barely recognized the voice of one of his ‘friends’.

“Yeah? Or what?”

“Get fucking moving or I’ll call the cops!”

Another bullet smashed through the glass of the gas station store’s window, starting a screaming alarm sounding that made Caddy’s already pounding head somehow worse.

He heard the revving of motorcycles, curses and disgusting words hurled at the school kids. The threat of police was enough to scare them off.

Caddy didn’t know what he was expecting, but it wasn’t the cold metal of a pistol being pushed into his limp, open hand. His fingers instinctively twitched around it. It felt almost nice in his hand, cool metal pressed up against the cuts that had been slashed into his palms earlier.

His consciousness slowly faded from him, but not in time for him to miss himself being abandoned, the shadows of his classmates disappearing into the dark.

He woke up in the hospital.


	24. Horizon Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silence and comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings for mentions of past drug and alcohol use, and implied PTSD.

After crying so much, Caddy really just felt like a shell of himself.

He was cold, shivering, the wind whipping across the field chilling him, but he didn’t care enough to pull his jacket tighter around him. Nor did he care enough to clear his cheeks of tear tracks. What was the point?

He’d lost track of the time, but he’d surely missed at least two classes by then. Which was fine by him, he didn’t think he could deal with everyone’s eyes on him...

The creaking of the bleachers’ steps alerted him to someone climbing up to where he was.

”...Caddy?”

He didn’t bother looking up.

Ian sighed and took a seat next to him.

"You don't have to say anything," Ian said quietly. He paused, waiting in case Caddy did want to speak up. When the Brit made absolutely no move to do so, Ian sighed again and continued.

"We... Obviously, we don't know how much of what's in the paper is  _ true _ , exactly," Ian shifted uncomfortably in place. "But, Caddy... No matter what... We're still here for you. This doesn't change anything."

Caddy bit harshly down on his cheek. He thought he was out of tears to cry...

“Ian... You don’t have to be nice,” Caddy choked out a painful laugh. “It’s true.  _ All of it _ . I got fucked up with the wrong crowd and couldn’t get away.”

And now his mistakes were being shoved back into his face and  _ fuck _ did it hurt.

“But you did get away, didn’t you?” Ian asked, his voice still soft. Caddy didn’t deserve the patience or the subtlety...

“Only after I was ripped apart from it all,” Caddy cursed his voice wavering. “I was too  _ scared _ to do it myself.”

“Who wouldn’t be?” Ian scooted closer, one of his hands coming up to offer ginger reassurance on Caddy’s arm. “It sounds terrifying.”

Caddy sniffed. It was awful... Constantly under threat, his own  _ sister _ being used as a weak point in his armor. Being stuffed full of drugs he’d lost track of the names of... The nights he was forced to drink turned into some sort of sick relief, taking his mind away from everything.

“I-I felt so helpless,” Caddy broke down in more sobbing when Ian wrapped his arms around him. He finally uncurled himself, latching onto Ian like a lifeline. Shivers and cries wracked through him, though he didn’t know where the energy to cry more came from. Ian soothed a hand up and down his spine, keeping him close.

“I-I was s-so fucking scared all the time,” Caddy bawled into the crook of Ian’s neck, the taller boy still holding him tightly. “I c-couldn’t do anything, a-and it just kept getting worse. I d-didn’t want anyone to kn-now. I j-just wanted t-to forget.”

Ian’s arms tightened around him, keeping Caddy locked in a tight, warm hug.

“I’m so sorry,” Ian sighed, a quiet breath in Caddy’s hair.

“P-please don’t leave me,” Caddy squeezed his eyes closed, his own shaky hands coming up to hold Ian’s sides.

"We won't," Ian promised, pressing a barely-there, feather-light kiss to Caddy's temple. "None of us will."


	25. Apathy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeff is sick of standing still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings for knives, minor violence, blood, and I guess a mention that Ian's parents are probably homophobic. Paul is generally an asshole.

They made it through the majority of the day... somehow.

Luke had torn down the banner in the front hall during lunch, but its damage had already been done, along with the newspapers.

Caddy was still a wreck. He practically had to shove Ian away, forcing the third-year to go back and not skip his own classes while Caddy stayed and ignored his own advice. Ian had returned later with everyone else, and Caddy had to stop himself from crying again when he was crushed in hug after hug.

He was wrapped up in Luke’s arms, almost asleep, he was so exhausted from crying. Jimmy was holding his hand, with Wallid rubbing his back from one step up. Luke’s hugs were always the best; warm, sometimes uncomfortably so, but while Caddy was shivering and still leaking tears it was absolutely more than welcome.

Jeff had offered Caddy, and then everyone else, free-range of the caramels and hard candy he kept in his backpack for emotional emergencies such as these. His gifts were graciously accepted, and so Jeff retreated a couple steps up to clear his own head, sucking on a toffee and staring out over the field, seeing the school buses and cars at the pickup line in the near distance.

Then, Jeff saw them.

The unmistakable trio. Black, brown, and red hair bobbing a fair ways away, kelly green draped over their shoulders.

Jeff’s nails bit into his wrist as he fought to keep himself in his seat.

...Why did he bother, though? Hadn’t they already lost everything? Jeff was done sitting idly.

Jeff caught Ian’s attention by clearing his throat, nodding sharply at the three spots of turquoise across the field. The third-year was sitting next to Jeff, also clearing his head. A lot had happened, they all needed some cooldown time. 

Once Ian spotted them his eyes narrowed. He looked back to Jeff quizzically.

Jeff smiled wryly, seething anger seeping out of him. Ian’s mouth dropped open in a quiet ‘oh’. Then he set his jaw, nodding.

Jeff cleared his throat again, bouncing to stand on the balls of his feet.

“Ian and I are gonna take a little walk, guys,” Jeff patted the sides of his thighs with his hands impatiently.

“Can you bring back some water?” Luke asked Ian when the other boy also moved to stand. “I think Caddy needs a drink.”

“Yeah, can do,” Ian smiled tightly. He followed Jeff down the metal bleacher steps.

They strode across the field, silent, intent in their steps. Paul, Nick, and Josh were luckily taking their time walking, far enough away from the parking lot that Ian felt comfortable yelling.

“Ritchey!” 

Paul turned around, intrigued to see who was behind him. His face broke out into a sharp shark grin once he saw the two Hidden Block members.

“Boys!” Paul laughed. “Did you enjoy my little show earlier? Now, I know you don’t cart firearms, but man, it sure made for a good headline. Didn’t it?”

“You’re a sick fuck, Paul,” Jeff spat, his nose wrinkling in disdain.

Jeff and Ian came to a stop a couple of yards from Paul. Nick and Josh had stopped and turned around, flanking Paul as they often did. Josh was actively avoiding looking at Ian.

“Ooh, ouch,” Paul mocked a wince. “I only lied about the one thing, the rest was all truth.”

“They weren’t stories you had the right to tell,” Ian snapped. “No matter how true they were.”

“What, you think people don’t deserve to know about the criminals in our midst? An arsonist, and a druggie involved with a gang? People should see them for who they are.”

“Fuck you,” Jeff snapped. “People change. Caddy hates his past and Austin... He’s gotten help. He’s on medication, so am I. They’ve changed. People  _ change _ from their past.”

“Oh, and you would know,” Paul chuckled. “How did he do it, by the way? You seemed  _ so _ distraught. He found a way to worm back into your life, huh? He changed that much  _ that _ quickly?”

“Stop it,” Jeff’s hands clenched into fists at his sides.

“He’s the one who broke your heart,” Paul said simply.

“Only because you forced him to,” Jeff sneered. “And he’s apologized.”

“Aww, that’s cute. Are you trying to make it work again?” Paul cooed, pushing his lips up into a smile with his pointer fingers. “He always did like playing with his toys, you know.”

“Fuck off. Austin told us everything that happened,” Jeff scowled.

“And you trust him?” Paul raised an amused eyebrow.

“More than I trust you,” Jeff snarled.

“Love really is blind, isn’t it,” Paul sighed. “Idiot, as soon as all of this is over Austin will drop you before you can even blink.”

“Don’t listen to him,” Ian growled. “He’s just trying to fuck with your head.”

“I’m only telling the truth,” Paul pouted, an exaggerated look of hurt forming on his face. “You think Austin kept to himself at Asagao? He got around, believe me. He knows how to play the long con. He’s got you on a string. Think he’s too high and mighty to go for the  _ oh so poor, emotionally wounded pretty boy _ ? He knows exactly what he’s doing. Trust me, I’ve heard him going on and on about how easy you are, how much less of a bother you are when you’re just a wreck, desperate for any attention you get from him, how he only came back because Hana ended up being too innocent. You’re a sex doll who cries sometimes,  _ that’s all you are to him. _ ”

Jeff let out a guttural cry, in one swift motion drawing a stiletto knife out of his pocket, flicking it open and starting towards Paul, only to be caught by the wrist.

“Ian, let me  _ go _ ,” Jeff snapped, writhing in Ian’s grip on his arm.

“We’re not here to start a physical fight,” Ian hissed.

Paul only laughed.

“A  _ knife _ , Fabre?” He cackled. “I knew you were a basket case. Maybe you and Austin will end up in juvy together. An arsonist and his bitch with a knife fetish.” 

“Careful, Paul,” Ian growled. “Or I’ll let him go.”

“Oh, I’m  _ terrified _ ,” Paul clutched his hands to his chest dramatically. “How’s Luke doing, by the way?”

“Stop it,” Ian glared fiercely at Paul. “You’re not allowed to bring him into this.”

“Told your parents yet? Surely they’d want to know their oh so well behaved son has a  _ boyfriend _ again.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Ian snapped.

“I’m just asking a question, no need to get defensive,” Paul tisked. “We wouldn’t want widdle baby MacLeod’s mommy knowing he was a gay boy behind her back.”

“I said  _ shut the fuck up _ ,” Ian sneered. Paul just laughed at him.

“Oh, don’t worry, I would never be  _ that _ mean,” A toothy grin spread across Paul’s face.

Jeff dropped his knife, tearing his arm out of Ian’s grip and finally storming forward.

Jeff’s fist collided soundly with Paul’s jaw, sending the Normal Boots member straight to the ground.

“Paul-!”

Nick took a step forward, but Paul held a hand up, signaling him to stop.

Paul sat up, blood dripping down his lip. He smirked, showing the blood that had been painted across his teeth. He licked his bottom lip, slowly staggering to stand.

“Nice hit,” Paul spat, red pooling in the corners of his lips. His lip was split open, Jeff must have knocked it straight against his teeth.

“You’re all too stubborn for your own good,” Paul sneered once he was fully standing, blood smeared across his chin. “Just give up and die already.”

“We’ll die the day your god complex goes away, so good fucking luck,” Ian’s eyes narrowed at Paul, holding a fierce glare until the student council president scoffed and looked away.

“Come on, we’re obviously not wanted here,” Paul turned and started storming away, motioning for Nick and Josh to follow. Nick followed immediately, but Josh paused.

Josh’s face was pained. His brows knit, the solemn, apologetic look in his eyes towards Ian possibly the most genuine thing of the afternoon. He had to turn away, though, following Paul and Nick as they disappeared to the bus lanes.

“That was actually a really good punch,” Ian muttered once the trio was far out of earshot.

“Thanks,” Jeff mumbled. His knuckles were screaming at him but he didn’t really care. “It felt pretty good, not gonna lie.”

They stood in the middle of the grass for a moment, catching their breaths. Jeff eventually sighed, leaning down and picking up his knife.

“Think that was a bad idea?” He hummed, folding the black metal blade of the stiletto knife back in before pocketing it.

“Probably,” Ian grumbled. “But I don’t really give a shit anymore.”

“Yeah,” Jeff sighed again. “Well, I guess we should go get Cads some water.”


	26. Turning Pages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeff and Caddy have a chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings for extremely brief mentions of both weed and firearms.

“Caddy?”

“Hmm?”

Jeff had quietly tugged on the Brit’s sleeve, pulling him off to the side.

It was yet another day at Jeff’s house. Another solemn, quiet, uncomfortable day, made only better by weed. Lots of weed. They got some school work done, but that didn’t last nearly as long as it usually did, which itself was not long at all.

Everyone just seemed...  _ exhausted _ ; Physically, mentally, emotionally. It was understandable, really, but it was still sad to see. So much had happened, it had only been a couple of days since Paul’s grand huzzah sent them spiraling into the ground.

There was talk among the school staff at that point, about putting an actual investigation in place vis a vis the firearms and the fire, but Hidden Block had more than enough evidence to guess the reason they didn’t interfere was -- as Wallid politely put it -- because they were shit-headed fuckers taking bribes, and were perfectly content holding a magnet to the side of their moral compasses. Adults were horrid.

Austin had started joining them during their little pity parties, seeing as he didn’t really have a place with Normal Boots anymore. Not outside of their more  _ professional club-related _ endeavors, anyway. He still had a place at their table, but Paul had him wary to return. Ian also seemed to like having an eye on him, just in case. He mostly kept quiet and fell asleep on Jeff’s shoulder curled up on the couch, as he was currently, sans Jeff at the moment.

“Can I, uh... Talk with you for a minute?” Jeff bit his lip, a nervous flash crossing his face.

“Yeah, sure,” Caddy responded uncertainly. Jeff seemed worried, or at least concerned. 

Jeff pulled Caddy further out of the living room. No one else really minded, they didn’t even bother looking up. Jeff led them around a corner, out into the space just outside the front door. 

He faced Caddy shyly, wringing his hands together with an almost guilty look.

“I want to... apologize, I guess,” Jeff started, looking off to the side, taking his bottom lip into his teeth once again.

“What for?” Caddy had to ask. He didn’t really feel like Jeff had anything to feel sorry for, not more than anyone else did right then.

“I...” Jeff started, stopped, and sighed. “I knew, before everyone else, about you.”

“Oh,” Caddy said simply.

“I didn’t like, go looking for information,” Jeff hurried to clarify. “Austin... He was worried about you becoming close with Hidden Block, I guess. He told me, just in case, he was worried. Trust me, he doesn’t have anything against you. I just... I wanted to apologize for not being up-front about knowing, and let you know that your past  _ really _ doesn’t dictate who you are now, Caddy.”

“That’s...” Caddy frowned. That finally explained why Jeff had called  _ him _ and asked if he owned a pistol during his meltdown. “Thank you, Jeff. For being honest, and I guess for... seeing better than the worst in me.”

Jeff cracked a thin, genuine smile.

“I knew you as who you are now before I knew what you’d been put through, and I’ll be honest, you don’t seem like you ever want to go back. I could see that from the start,” Jeff’s smile reached his eyes, putting Caddy at ease with the soft, warm glint in the rich hazel. “I’m happy to have met you as, well,  _ you _ .”

“Thank you,” Caddy’s voice hitched. He didn’t realize how much this was affecting him until he felt tears prick at his eyes. “It really means a lot, man. I’m glad I met you, too.”

Jeff sniffled, holding his arms up. Caddy didn’t hesitate to immediately return the gesture, the two boys crushing each other in a deep bear hug.

“You’re an amazing friend, Cads,” Jeff mumbled into Caddy’s shoulder. “I’m glad you joined Hidden Block.”

It made Caddy so sick... How much everyone was hurting; They meant so much to him. How much Normal Boots, but really at this point just Paul, had done to them. Hidden Block as a group wasn’t just a club, it wasn’t just playing games, goofing off, and having a group photo in the yearbook -- Not that they would, any more. 

It was the five, no,  _ six _ of them. The six of them holding each other together. It was no judgment and it was chaos in the best way possible and it was messy and warm and uncontrollable and occasionally distressing. It was anarchy and love.

Caddy’s hands gripped the back of Jeff’s jacket tightly.

They really were a family, weren’t they...

There was no way Caddy was losing them, not under any circumstance, and there was no way he was going to watch them be torn down anymore.

He had a plan... A very bad, dangerous plan.


	27. Cherry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Austin gets some bad news, Hidden Block wonders what it means for them.

Jeff and Caddy returned to the living room to find Austin awake, his head in his hands, surrounded by murmurs from the other four.

Jeff’s brow immediately furrowed.

“Is everything okay?” He asked, striding forward to take a place on the sofa next to Austin. Austin heaved a heavy sigh, dragging his hands down his face. He turned to look at Jeff, an emotion Caddy could only place as pure distress deep in his eyes. Jeff frowned, closing a hand over one of Austin’s for comfort.

“Hana is in Normal Boots,” Austin said dryly. “Officially. I just got the notice.”

“Oh...” Jeff’s shoulders sank.

“That’s... bad, right?” Caddy guessed. It had to be if Austin was this distraught.

“It means Paul has something planned,” Austin chewed nervously on his bottom lip. “It means he might be trying to completely push me out of the club. He might be trying to get Jirard on his side...”

Austin trailed off, face twisting as worries and thoughts sped through his mind.

“I’m not sober enough for this,” Jimmy whined from the floor.

“What would Paul have planned?” Ian asked. “What could be worse than what he’s already done?”

”...The rules Normal Boots runs on are... strange,” Austin omitted using the words ‘horribly dysfunctional and nonsense’. “Back when... Back when Jeff was in trial last year, I wasn’t allowed to engage with the voting, they decided I was too biased. When it came down to it, though, Paul and Nick were the only ones who didn’t give him a pass, so he ended up okay even without me being able to help, but it was closer than I would have liked it to be.”

“So... would he be trying to add another vote to his side by getting Hana on the board?” Luke raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah. That’s what I’m afraid of,” Austin grumbled. “I had to... let Hana down. I couldn’t lead her on because it was what Paul forced on me, she deserved someone who actually cared for her.”

Austin squeezed Jeff’s hand tenderly.

“She and Jirard were more interested in each other before I got pushed in the middle; She might hate me for breaking up with her and stalling her start with Jirard. Or that’s probably what Paul’s hoping for, at least. If she hates me then there are more odds she’ll vote against me. Not to mention, Josh is scared out of his wits this time around, there’s no way he won’t stay behind Paul.”

“Are you saying he’s planning another trial?” Wallid piped in. “Because that’d be really bad.”

“I don’t know,” Austin shrugged. “I really don’t know, they haven't been telling me much at all recently. It seems possible, but I hope not.”

“You would still be on the panel though,” Ian said, a frown crossing his face.

“Yes, but I’m not exactly in good favor with any of Normal Boots, currently. I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” Austin replied wryly. “There’s no way, if I was even  _ allowed _ to say anything, I would have any weight in an argument.”

“Well... what do we do then?” Wallid asked nervously. They’d already been through so much, no one wanted it to get to another Normal Boots trial. Once the club was fully handed the reigns to their reputations there was no telling how bad it could get. They’d already shown they weren’t afraid to slaughter their own founder, nor had they been shy about tearing down Hidden Block, but most of that was Paul. It wasn’t a full team effort to strip them to their bare bones, not yet at least.

“I guess we wait,” Austin sighed. “There’s no way to know what will happen next. We can only guess, and hope we’re not right.”

Everyone else grumbled in agreement.

Caddy, meanwhile, had been quiet, thinking to himself.

He had to act quickly, now. Before things could get worse.


	28. Thanatophobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caddy decides the best course forward is to go to someone he hasn't talked to since the beginning.
> 
> AKA, Caddy reveals his plan. It may or may not end horribly.

Caddy didn’t know the third-year's halls well. He’d only been the one time, when Ian had picked a fight with PBG, and the occasional time during the beginning of the year he’d get lost on his way to the nurse’s; though that was mostly due to the migraines he sought painkillers for twisting his brain into knots that didn’t like remembering directions.

They were just like any other corridor in the school, albeit filled with year threes.

Caddy didn’t really know where  _ he _ would be. He hoped somewhere in the halls; because that’s where Caddy was looking for  _ him _ .

Caddy hadn’t known  _ he _ was a part of Normal Boots when they first met. Hell, he didn’t know about the club at that time at all.

Man, that was a simpler time...

Caddy continued his trot down the halls, weaving through students giving him side glances and dirty looks, like if they didn’t watch him like a hawk he might do something funny and get them addicted to heroin. That was fine, though, for now. Caddy was looking for only one person in particular, so he paid the rest no mind.

Caddy finally spotted  _ him _ , standing at his locker, idly shuffling books between his bag and the shelf inside.

Caddy cleared his throat once he got close enough to catch his attention.

Shane Gill turned around, startlingly blue eyes filled to the brim with boredness and apathy catching sight of Caddy.

“Oh,” Shane said simply. “It’s you.”

Shane turned back to his locker.

“Haven’t really seen you since you got here,” He mumbled. “Thought I told you to keep out of trouble.”

“I did my best, didn’t I?” Caddy cracked a thin grin. 

“Don’t really believe that,” Shane scoffed lightly, finishing with moving the proper books into his bag and the rest of them into their places, shutting the faded blue metal door of his locker with a sigh. “What d’you want.”

It was far less a question than it was a demand for Caddy to explain himself.

“I want to talk,” Caddy said.

“Obviously,” Shane fixed him with an uninterested stare. At least he wasn’t being absolutely horrible, just as standoffish as Caddy remembered him being.

“Alone?” Caddy prompted. He didn’t really feel like discussing what he wanted to in the middle of a crowded hallway.

“Nah.”

“Oh. Okay,” Caddy cleared his throat once again. That was fine, he supposed. At least Shane was willing to hear him out.

“Get on with it,” Shane raised an eyebrow.

”...I was wondering,” Caddy started. “Is it possible to... request a trial?”

“What?” Shane’s other eyebrow shot up to match his first, both now raised in genuine, caught-off-guard surprise. “I mean, yes. But why?”

“I want Hidden Block to be tried,” Caddy clarified. “Fairly. And I want there to be rules set for what happens in the case of their-  _ our _ innocence.”

Shane just looked at him.

“Are you mental?” Shane asked, his tone scarily genuine.

“We will agree upon terms that must be followed if Hidden Block is found innocent. Which includes backing the fuck up and leaving the-  _ us _ alone.”

“What happens if you’re found guilty?” Shane was still bewildered. Caddy almost felt proud for throwing the normally stoic older boy completely off his game.

“Well, that’s not up to us, is it?” Caddy answered.

Shane blinked at him in silence for a moment.

“You’re insane,” He finally muttered. “The lot of you.”

“They have nothing to do with this decision,” Caddy replied.

“You just decided you would see if you could put them all at further risk  _ just because _ ? Without telling them?” Shane gawked. Yep, Caddy did indeed feel a ping of pride.

“Not  _ just because _ . Like I said, there will be terms set. Normal Boots must leave Hidden Block alone, which means no spreading rumors, no smearing reputations, no keeping us apart, no constant monitoring, and no more fear. Also, it’d be great to be put back in as an official club in the school.”

“I thought you said the terms would be agreed upon?” Shane practically squeaked.

“Changed my mind,” Caddy smiled. “Please tell Paul as soon as possible. I’d love to get this over with before the weekend. Thanks a bunch.”

Caddy chirped, only feeling the pounding rush of adrenaline in his ears when he spun on his heel, stalking back down the hallway from where he came, leaving a  _ very _ confused Shane behind.

He only hoped he’d done his job well enough that Paul would take the bait, not passing an opportunity to bury Hidden Block once and for all, sold in his determination and beliefs that he could sway the vote to grind the club into the dirt.

That had a possibility of happening one way or another, but now at least Caddy had given them a more fair shot at coming out on top.


	29. A Line In The Sand Stands Between Us And The Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian is -probably rightfully- frustrated with Caddy.

“You  _ what _ ?” Ian sneered.

“I made a deal,” Caddy said simply.

“Normal Boots doesn’t make deals,” Austin stressed, exasperated. “They make threats.”

“Well, then I guess I made a threat.”

Austin had heard of Caddy’s plan fairly quickly, he still had a foot in the tent his club had pitched. Paul was  _ not _ happy, that was evident, and he was very much looking forward to ripping whoever showed up at Normal Boots’ doorstep to shreds.

Austin had told Ian, because he thought at least he should know, and Ian had dragged the other third-year off to find Caddy, drag  _ him _ out to the back of the school, and tell him how horrible of a decision he’d made and how dumb he was until Ian went pink in the cheeks.

“You can’t just  _ do _ that!” Austin groaned.

“Not without consulting other people, Caddy,” Ian bared his teeth in a dangerous growl. “This doesn’t just affect you.”

“I’m well aware,” Caddy frowned. “But let me ask you, would you rather get a letter in your locker to a trial knowing there are or aren’t positives if we win?”

“There’s no winning!” Ian cried. “There’s no winning, because just like Austin said, Paul’s pulling who he can over to his side. You only made it worse by making him more angry.”

“Ian’s right,” Austin’s face was solemn and set. “There’s no guarantee I’ll be able to do  _ anything _ to help, and Paul’s doing his damnedest to make it hell for you guys.”

Ian opened his mouth as if he was about to say  _ See? That proves my point. You shouldn’t have done that, idiot _ .

“But,” Austin sighed. “Now that I think about it, on the other hand... There’s still a chance, a slim one, but it’s still very much there. If you guys can pass, you’ll be okay, and now that Caddy’s done this, maybe even more than okay.”

“Seriously?” Ian turned to Austin, in disbelief that the taller boy would agree with what Caddy had done. “What if we lose the trial horribly?”

“But what happens if we  _ do _ win?” Caddy pressed. “We’ll be better off than we are now, that’s for sure.”

“But what if we  _ don’t _ ?” Ian raked a hand through his hair nervously. “Then we’ll be  _ worse _ . You shouldn’t have taunted them.”

“Well, at this point there’s no use arguing about me making the deal in the first place, I already did that. We’ll just have to find out what happens when the trial comes around,” Caddy huffed, crossing his arms.

Ian buried his face in his hands with a noise of frustration.

“ _ Fuck _ , we’re so dead.”

Austin put a hand on his back, a thoughtful frown on his lips.

“Ian, I know you’re scared, but Caddy really did the best thing he could, honestly,” Austin said. “If he never did this, we already knew there was a strong possibility that Paul was going to call one of you into a trial soon. If you’d lost that, it’d’ve been over. If you won that, you would have been right where you are now. With this, if you lose, it’s still over. But if you  _ win _ -“

”...Then we’ll have a better ending,” Ian finished for Austin, finally coming to begrudging terms with what Caddy had done. “But... who’s going to be the one to show up for us? We can’t put that responsibility on just one of us.”

“I’m doing it,” Caddy said determinedly. 

“No,” Ian shook his head quickly. “Absolutely not.”

“Why?” Caddy asked. “Who else would it be? Jimmy? Wallid? There’s no way they should be put through that. Jeff? You’d make him go through it all again? Luke?  _ You _ ? You have too much at stake, and too much to be used against you. I’m not scared of Paul anymore, he’s done the worst he can to me. I won’t let him or any of the others use me against myself.”

Ian stayed quiet, casting his gaze down to the sidewalk.

“Caddy...” His voice broke away, pitching into a shuddery inhale. “None of us can ask that of you.”

“You don’t have to ask,” Caddy smiled softly. “I’m doing this because I want to, because you guys mean so much to me. I have to do my best, otherwise what kind of friend am I?”

Caddy chuckled as Ian and Austin fixed him with wary glances. They were scared for him.

Frankly, Caddy was scared for himself, too, but he wouldn’t let them know that.


	30. Fool's Errands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final call.

Caddy had been on autopilot for the past couple days. He had exhausted himself with anticipation, he was feeling the burnout. 

He didn’t regret what he did, not one bit. He was ready for whatever was coming, he was _ready_ for what he hoped was the tail end of the storm. He was ready to end this whole shit-show once and for all. It was just the waiting that was killing him.

He dragged his feet through the halls, past still wandering and critical eyes, glances that let him know that he wasn’t welcome any closer than he already was. That was fine, though, if they hated him based on rumors --however true they were-- then he didn’t want to be around them anyway. He had friends in Hidden Block, and they might be reckless, anarchist idiots on the occasion, but he loved them all, and he was going to make sure they weren’t pushed further apart. That was a promise, one he prayed he could keep.

Caddy made his way to his locker, thoughtlessly spinning the combination lock in his fingers until the door swung open.

A paper spiraled out.

Caddy’s heart pounded louder in his own ears for the long, painful seconds it took for him to reach down and pick it up.

A slip of green paper, stamped with a time and a room number. Nothing more.

_4:00 sharp. 207A_.

Caddy stared at the black ink, like something about it would change if he looked away. The footsteps echoing off the linoleum floors of the hall seemed to grow louder, a drumbeat thrumming, making Caddy more nervous than he wished he would be.

Today was the day.

He wasn’t scared of anything Paul could throw at him. He was, however, terrified that he would fail. That he’d mess up, that even despite his best efforts --his attempts to even the ground both Hidden Block and Normal Boots would stand on by the end of the trial-- something would go wrong and they would be destroyed.

He’d put the weight on himself because he knew for a fact he could take whatever came up, and he wasn’t going to risk any of the other guys getting hurt, not anymore. Caddy just hoped everything went according to plan...

Caddy finally let out a deep breath, stuffing the calling card into his pocket. He had the rest of the day to worry. Right then, he needed his science textbook.


	31. Drown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings for mentions of most things that have happened up until this point, plus some arguing.

All six of them were there, standing outside the fated classroom.

It was five minutes before four, just enough time for the anxiety to really set in.

”...This is really it, huh?” Ian sighed quietly, speaking what was on everybody’s minds. This was either their final fall or the start of their recuperation and none of them knew which way it would go.

“Yeah...” Caddy muttered, feeling sick to his stomach.

“Just do your best,” Jeff smiled warmly, giving Caddy’s hand a gentle squeeze. He’d been softly coaching Caddy through what might happen, using his own trial and what Austin had recounted to him to hopefully prepare the second-year just a little bit more. Everyone else was there for moral support, Caddy was the only one allowed past the door.

“We’ll all be here for you,” Wallid piped in. “No matter what happens. That won’t change.”

“Yeah,” Caddy echoed himself, unable to get any other words past his lips despite his mind racing a million miles a minute. 

Three minutes until four.

God this was torture.

Caddy felt arms wrap around him from behind, glancing down only to find Jimmy completely buried in his back. Jimmy didn’t say anything, he just silently gripped the other boy in a bear hug. 

One minute until four. The door swung open.

It had been a while since Caddy had seen Austin in his Normal Boots jacket, he looked uncomfortable in it.

“Right on time,” He smiled wryly, shifting in place.

Jimmy detached himself from Caddy, sniffing quietly and taking a step back.

Luke clapped a hand onto Caddy’s shoulder.

“You’re gonna do great,” He insisted. “We believe in you.”

”...Thanks,” Caddy managed to crack a weak smile. He just hoped he didn’t fuck this up real bad.

Jeff tugged him forward towards the door, letting go of Caddy’s hand once he stood just in front of Austin.

Jeff stood on his toes, catching Austin in a soft kiss. Austin followed Jeff back down as the shorter boy eased back to his usual height, their foreheads resting together.

“I love you,” Austin said just barely loud enough for Caddy, still standing beside them, to hear. “I’m going to do everything I can to make sure this goes well.”

“I love you too,” Jeff murmured. “I trust you.”

They both smiled, gently bumping their noses together before Jeff stepped back.

“Good luck, Caddy,” He said.

Caddy simply nodded. Austin moved the door open more, holding his hand out towards Caddy. Caddy dug the green paper out of his pocket, handing it over to the Normal Boots member.

“Come on in,” Austin extended an arm to show Caddy into the room, letting Caddy walk ahead of him.

Caddy glanced behind him after he’d stepped through the threshold into the classroom. He watched the nervous faces of his friends disappear behind the closing door.

“Go ahead and take a seat,” Austin gestured to the chair sitting in the middle of the room. In front of it sat a row of desks, the rest of Normal Boots waiting behind them.

A couple of them Caddy didn’t know by name immediately, but he had to assume the one on the far left was Satch, the one he’d heard mainly controlled the library. Next to him Caddy guessed was Jirard, as a smaller girl with pink hair sat next to him. Hana. Then came Shane, a familiar but still unwelcoming as ever presence.

Austin moved to the empty desk in the middle, staying standing. To the right of him were Paul, Nick, and Josh, in that order. Caddy got a bad feeling in his stomach just looking at the three of them.

All he could do now was his best, and hope this all went well.

“Alright then,” Austin spread several papers out on the desk he stood behind.

“Ahem,” A familiar voice cut in. Paul raised his hand, a sickly sweet smile gracing his face.

“Paul...” Austin started, directing a sharp look towards the fourth-year. “Did you want to say something?”

“Yes, actually,” Paul planted his palms flat on the desk he sat at, pushing himself up to stand. He looked down his nose at Austin disdainfully. “Once again, it seems, that _you_ have _relations_ with the accused in this case. I fear it might cause a conflict in your judgment.”

Oh boy, here it was...

“Wouldn’t your own bias prevent your _own_ fair judgment?” Austin replied coldly. “You have a personal hatred towards Hidden Block, no? I think that counts as _relations_.”

Paul faltered, but only barely.

“I think it would be fairer to put it to a vote, don’t you?” Paul insisted.

“Only if you want your own inclusion to be voted on, as well,” Austin smiled wryly. _If you want to risk that_ was left unsaid, but understood.

Paul paused momentarily, before sinking silently back into his seat. He couldn’t risk the humiliation of being taken out of the council so quickly.

_Thank God_. That was so much easier than it could have been. Caddy saw Austin breathe a silent sigh of relief under his breath.

“Well then,” Austin tapped his fingers on the desk in front of him.

“Before this whole thing starts, I need to make sure of something,” Caddy interrupted before Austin could say anything more. Austin sighed, nodding at Caddy to give him the go-ahead to continue, though he didn’t look particularly fond of being interrupted twice in a row. 

“I need to make sure the stakes are actually set; right here, right now,” Caddy took a deep breath, setting his jaw. “If we pass this, I want Hidden Block to be returned to its status as a recognized club at the school, and for there to be no regulations on any of us seeing each other during school hours on campus. I want an official apology statement from Normal Boots as a whole, and for Hidden Block to be omitted from your rules. Also, let them back into extracurriculars, and open the teachers’ lounge again. No more bullshit.”

“Done,” Austin said quickly, waving a hand in finality. Paul shifted in his chair but didn’t say anything.

“Anything else anyone wants to add?” Austin asked, looking around. Caddy didn’t miss the tight, satisfied smile that flashed across Austin’s lips when his eyes landed on Paul, bitterly slumped in his seat. “Good. Let’s get this over with, then.”

Austin cleared his throat.

“James Caddick,” Austin’s voice was smooth despite his obvious tension. He’d clearly done this whole spiel many times before. “From here forth representing the entirety of Hidden Block and all its members, today you stand accused of the following.”

Austin glanced down to one of the papers in front of him.

“On _eight_ separate occasions, adding semi-permanent blue dye to the soap and shower-heads in the school gymnasium showers used by the football team.”

Caddy snorted quietly to himself. Despite the situation, he couldn’t help but laugh. That one was definitely Ian.

“Breaking and entering onto school property. Defacing school property with graffiti. Breaking two separate school computers in the library. Releasing a large group of crickets into the cafeteria and library. Replacing all fruit in the cafeteria with wax models for _three weeks in a row_ ,” Austin continued, despite his best efforts no doubt getting exasperated by Hidden Block’s former antics. “Underage alcohol consumption in the form of vodka-soaked gummy bears in class... Assisting in an arson... Carrying spring-assisted knives on campus. Ignoring explicit rules set by Normal Boots concerning outside relations, twice... The use of drugs, firearms, and involvement in gang-related activity.”

Caddy took a deep breath. That was... a lot. Some of it obviously worse than others.

“Did anyone want to say anything before the trial officially starts?”

Paul cleared his throat, sitting up straighter in his seat.

“I just wanted to remind everyone that this is the _second_ time a member of Hidden Block has been in trial,” Paul looked back and forth along the row to make sure everyone was listening to him. “If that doesn’t say something about their character, what does?”

He smiled tightly, carding his hands together on the desk. Caddy felt sick just looking at him.

”...Thanks, Paul,” Austin sighed through his nose, shifting on his feet. “Anyone else? No? Good. Alright then... The Normal Boots court is officially in session.”

To Caddy’s surprise, Hana raised a hand first. She’d been silent up until then.

“I want to ask a few questions to begin with, is that okay?” She spoke, her eyes behind the thick rim of her glasses glancing quizzically at Caddy. 

“I- uh, yeah, ‘course,” Caddy nodded. He was a little wary of Hana, he didn’t know anything about her except that Paul had pushed Austin at her and that she might be being used as a pawn against Hidden Block. Hopefully she was better than he’d been led to believe so far.

“Alright,” She smiled softly. “Do you... uh, uhm...”

She obviously was new to this. She looked uncomfortable in her seat. No doubt this was her first time in a trial. She probably didn’t know what she was signing up for with Normal Boots.

“C-can you recount to me what happened, uhm, b-between Austin and Jeff? From the beginning. A-and also, Paul’s involvement.”

“Sure,” Caddy shrugged. “Jeff and Austin were dating, right?”

He glanced at Austin for confirmation. Austin nodded, so Caddy continued.

“Paul hates Jeff because of some shit that happened in their second year. Then I guess you got here and started hanging out with Normal Boots. Paul saw an opportunity to get rid of Jeff using you and... did his best, I guess. Ian and Austin got into a fight in the hallway after Jeff had a breakdown. It ended, err, _poorly_ , and then Hidden Block got a list of rules to follow ‘n shit or risk public shaming.”

“Ian did... hit PBG, right? T-that’s what I heard...”

“Paul forced Austin to get with you to push him away from Jeff, Ian reacted pretty rationally for how brutal it was, and how bad of shape Jeff was in,” Caddy explained.

“I didn’t force anyone into anything,” Paul snapped.

“You did, shut up,” Austin cut him off. Paul looked taken aback. Caddy almost laughed out loud, he looked like a puppy who’d just been tapped sharply on the nose for doing something wrong.

Hana took a moment to process everything, nodding to herself.

“Thank you,” She said quietly. “That was all.”

“My turn,” Shane leaned forward. He regarded Caddy critically, cold blue eyes boring into the second-year, glowing even in the dimmed light.

“You wanna explain the bullshit?” Shane snorted.

”...Excuse me?” Caddy’s brow furrowed.

“You know, the stuff that’s on the list that isn’t really important, like shitty pranks. It’s just filler fluff, so go ahead and get it out of the way.”

“Oh,” Caddy was a bit surprised. He sort of expected Shane to be more... aggressive? He supposed the other Brit’s nonchalantness was welcome, it let him take a bit of a break from being on the defensive.

“I mean, that’s what those are, right?” Caddy shrugged. “Pranks. Annoying, but none of them were particularly targeted at any of you, or anyone else, and it’s not like they were dangerous. I’m sure there have been worse things other people have done.”

“Yep,” Shane shrugged. “Good enough for me.”

Caddy blinked. Alright then...

Satch cleared his throat next. 

“If you don’t mind my asking,” He started. “Can you tell us a little more about your past? It might help to hear your side to it all.”

“Oh...” Well, Caddy didn’t particularly _want_ to talk about it, but...

“I mean, there’s not much to say, really. I messed up, I fell in with the wrong crowd... I didn’t want to stay though, I didn’t ever want it to go as far as it did. They kept... They kept threatening me, and when I stopped caring what they did to _me_ they threatened my sister... So I did whatever they wanted me to and kept quiet.”

Satch nodded passively.

“Other than that, what was in the paper was true?” He asked.

“Yeah, pretty much,” Caddy laughed bitterly. “I honestly wish none of it was.”

Satch hummed, his brows furrowing.

“Your punishment seems a little unfair, considering you weren’t even a part of Hidden Block until much more recently, after the first set of rules were in place.”

“I don’t think anything that’s been done to us so far has been fair, honestly,” Caddy shrugged.

“I personally found the public exposure of your personal story to be out of line,” Satch looked sideways down the row at Paul, who immediately bristled. “It was a bit too harsh, I think.”

“I never did anything to Hidden Block out of turn. It was a fair punishment for lying and hiding Austin’s engagement with them from us,” Paul snarled. “There was nothing unprompted or untrue in anything I did.”

“That’s not true. You lied about us,” Caddy’s eyes narrowed at Paul. “The banner. Hidden Block isn’t smuggling firearms.”

Caddy felt a smug swell of satisfaction when Paul clamped his mouth shut tightly, keeping words locked on his tongue.

“Paul,” Jirard said, disappointment in his voice. “Rumors isn’t what we do. We do evidence.”

Paul didn’t say anything.

Jirard sighed.

“If I may say something,” He continued. “A lot of this case has already been put through trial, hasn’t it? It feels repetitive to go over what Jeff’s done. I say we put that to rest once and for all, so we can focus on more recent and pressing matters.”

“Agreed,” Satch nodded, readjusting his glasses on his face.

“Jeff has broken rules _multiple_ times, though,” Paul huffed. “His misdemeanors are still very relevant.”

“Paul, may I ask you something?” Satch turned to look down the row of desks at the other fourth year. “Why is it that Jeff’s relationship with Austin is not tolerated, but Hana’s was celebrated? Neither of them were in Normal Boots, not until Hana joined recently.”

“Wh-, well, for one,” Paul shifted angrily in his seat. “Hana isn’t the one in trial. She _also_ isn’t a part of a gang of troublemakers actively trying to fuck with us. Jeff had no chance in hell of joining us.”

Hana frowned, looking down at the edge of the table dejectedly. It seemed like it’d only just hit her how much she’d been played. Caddy felt sorry for her.

“You sure it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact you hate him?” Satch’s smooth voice was the final hammer hit to the nail. 

“Am I the only sane one here?” Paul’s voice steadily rose. “ _Yes_ , I’m not exactly a _fan_ of Jeff. _Congratulations_ for noticing. I still seem to be the only one who can see Hidden Block is nothing but trouble, though. I’m fucking _sick_ of all of them and how long this drama surrounding them has dragged on. They should have been dead _last year_ but you _idiots_ stopped me.”

“Paul, you need to calm down,” Jirard said evenly, his hands flexing uncomfortably where he rested them on his desk.

“I’ll do _whatever the fuck I want_ ,” Paul snarled. “ _I’m_ the one really in charge here! I’m the one that fucking runs everything! _I_ do the newspaper, _I’m_ the student body president, _I_ call the fucking shots around here!”

“ _Paul_ ,” Jirard’s voice held a warning tone. “You need to _calm down.”_

“ _Listen to me!”_ Paul screamed. He slammed his hands on the table, demanding attention. “I’m in charge, fucking _listen to me_!”

“You’re way out of line,” Jirard suddenly snapped. Everyone went silent for a moment. Caddy didn’t know the other boy well, but he got the idea that it wasn’t often he was visibly angry with someone.

“Take a step down off your high horse, Paul. You aren’t the only one here, you're not the only one making decisions,” Jirard’s eyes narrowed. “Knock it off.”

Paul heaved heavy breaths, his face glowing an angry shade of red. He sucked angrily on his teeth, clamping his jaw shut. He said no more.

“...Well,” Shane cleared his throat. “Does anyone have anything more civil to add to the conversation?”

“Yes, actually,” Nick sat up straighter.

“Just like Paul said, this is the _second_ time someone from Hidden Block has been in here. Whether or not Jeff’s case has been put down, it doesn’t change the fact that they obviously have a habit of making enough trouble to wind up on our radar. I, for one, don’t want this to happen _again_ ,” Nick said calmly, though there was a twinge of malice on his tongue. “Especially not with anything more _serious_. We’ve already given them warnings, when are we going to stop tolerating their behavior?”

“Exactly,” Paul took that as a perfect entrance into his own speech. He took the opportunity to stand once again, if not only so that he could look down on everyone. His voice was even and rigid. _Oh_ , was he pissed.

“What does it say about us that we’ve let them off the hook so many times before? Even when we do set rules in place, it’s obviously _not enough_. The best way to kill roaches is to cut off their heads, otherwise they’ll keep coming back.”

“We’re humans, not insects, thanks,” Caddy grumbled.

Paul’s eyes snapped to Caddy, dangerously cold.

“Why did they send you, out of all of them, hmm?”

Paul stood, glowering down at Caddy and wrinkling his nose like the Hidden Block member was a rotting piece of meat.

“You think you can be trusted? Do they think they can trust you?” Paul sneered. “You can’t even trust yourself to keep out of trouble. Do you think you’re on the moral high ground? _All_ of us in here were expelled from Asagao, in case you forgot. You’re no better than however you think of us, no matter what anyone else says.”

“Then you’re no better than however you think of me, no matter what your ego says,” Caddy said coolly.

Paul _growled_.

“Don’t you _dare_ talk to me like that,” He bared his teeth, his knuckles white from gripping the edge of the desk he stood behind. “You insolent little _brat_.”

“Ian was right,” Caddy only narrowed his eyes at a seething Paul. “You do have a god complex, don’t you?”

Caddy smugly thought Paul might burst a blood vessel, what with how hard he was clenching his jaw and sneering.

“You _disrespectful_ piece of-“

“That’s _enough_ , Paul,” Jirard’s voice cut through the tension. Paul grudgingly sunk back into his seat, still seething viciously.

Josh was the only one left now who hadn’t said anything. The redhead shifted to lean on his arms on his desk.

Now that Caddy looked at him, Josh just looked sad. His tired, blue eyes scanned Caddy up and down. He sighed.

“How’s Ian doing?” He asked, a weak smile twitching onto his face.

”...He’s fine,” Caddy offered quietly. “Stressed, but hopefully everything will be okay.”

Josh nodded, leaning back in his chair.

“He and Luke are back together, right?” Josh wore a full smile now. “That’s good... He always talked about Luke, you know. At the lounge.”

Josh laughed to himself. Paul glared at him sideways. He obviously wasn’t pleased with this.

“Yeah,” Caddy nodded. “They’re happy. It’s great.”

“Good,” Josh laughed lightly. “That’s good.”

Caddy thought back to his night in the teacher’s lounge. It was hazy, he wasn’t exactly in a stable state of mind then, what with having a concussion and also being awake at some ungodly hour. He remembered Josh, though, and he remembered his words.

_You say you hate my guts but then you listen to me cry almost weekly._

It must have been hard on Josh, as well, losing a safe place and a friend in one fell swoop.

“Feel like shit for ratting him out, y’know,” Josh chuckled. “Didn’t have much of a choice... but still.”

“He doesn’t blame you,” Caddy piped in. “Austin told us what happened. He doesn’t hate you, just so you know.”

Josh let out a breathy puff of air, something that would have counted as a laugh if it were stronger.

“That’s... That’s nice,” He settled further back into his chair. “That’s good to know.”

He looked pensively at Caddy for a moment, the faint hints of a lingering smile still present. 

“Thanks,” He said softly. Caddy just nodded.

“Well,” Austin cleared his throat. “I think that just about wraps this up, then. Does the accused have any last things to say?”

Caddy frowned, thinking for a moment.

“This is all kind of ridiculous, isn’t it?” He laughed airily, brow still furrowed in thought. “Like, the fact that this is all happening. The circumstances that started this all. Just because rules were made for no reason, just because some idiots fell in love.”

Caddy couldn’t help but laugh to himself again. Maybe he was delirious, but all of this was just suddenly hilarious to him. This wasn’t a legal room, this was a classroom, with desks and shitty plastic chairs. Normal Boots were just teenagers with too much power. It was _funny_. There had been so much drama and conflict between friends just because a handful of kids said fuck it, we want to be in charge.

“I hope you know that, no matter what you guys decide to do to us today, you’re wrong if you think it’ll be enough to pull us apart completely. You’ll ruin us at this school, sure, and possibly out of it, but the six of us? Hidden Block? I don’t think we could leave each other behind if we wanted to. So if that’s your main goal, vote however you want, it won’t matter in the end. But if you care enough for us to be _happy_ when we’re together, then I ask you to let us be.”

Caddy took a deep breath, a simple smile falling onto his face.

“Give it some thought,” He nodded. “That’s all.”

Austin couldn’t fight off the downright _proud_ grin that spread across his face.

“Anyone else got anything more to add?” He asked. No one said anything more. “Alright, then it’s time to call for a vote. Those in favor of sealing Hidden Block as guilty.”

Paul and Nick raised their hands. As did Josh, but not without a begrudging look on his face and an apologetic smile towards Caddy. Caddy understood.

“Those in favor of innocence,” Austin said after the trio had all lowered their hands. 

Austin raised his own hand.

Everyone else’s went up.

Caddy could have cried.

They did it. 

_He_ did it.

Hidden Block was cleared.

Austin’s smile only managed to grow brighter in the dimmed light of the classroom, no longer an intimidating circle of judgment. Just a classroom.

“Well then,” Austin’s voice lilted with joy. “In that case, Hidden Block has officially passed trial, no charges pressed.”

Caddy breathed out a deep exhale. He immediately felt lightheaded.

“Hidden Block is no longer subject to Normal Boots rulings starting immediately,” Austin was downright giddy at this point, Caddy could see it on his face, though he managed to keep his voice even enough to be semi-professional in front of his club.

“All your terms will be met,” Satch winked at Caddy. “Just give us a little bit to get you guys set up again.”

“Thank you,” Caddy nodded.

“Trial adjured,” Austin said quickly. He practically skipped around the desks, tugging Caddy up out of his seat and towards the door.

Austin slammed open the door, more eager to get out of the classroom than even Caddy was. The noise of the door crashing open startled the other Hidden Block members awaiting the news of the final verdict outside.

They were in various states leaned up against the wall on the side opposite from 207A. Jeff immediately scrambled to stand once the door swung open, eyes wide and expectant.

“Austin-,” He started but was _immediately_ cut off when the taller boy rushed forward, scooping Jeff up off the floor and spinning them both around in delight.

Jeff squeaked, his arms gripping Austin’s shoulders tightly until the taller boy decided to set him down. They slowly stopped spinning, though Jeff kept clinging to Austin. Their lips crushed together not a moment after they were both stationary.

“I guess - _mmh_ \- that means it went well, huh?” Jeff giggled between kisses. Austin didn’t say anything, he just hummed in confirmation, too busy pecking more kisses to Jeff’s lips.

“Did... Did you do it?” Ian asked, shifting closer to Caddy. Luke was right next to him, Wallid and Jimmy also looking up at him.

“Yeah,” Caddy breathed out a laugh. “Yeah, we’re all good. Everything is good.”

“Holy shit...” Ian shuddered, his hands coming up to cover his mouth. “Oh my God... We’re gonna be okay.” 

“Hell yeah!” Wallid cheered. Jimmy whooped and clapped elatedly.

“You did it, Cads!” Luke laughed, picking the smaller boy up and spinning him around in a fashion similar to what Austin had done. Luke didn’t set Caddy down, however, instead choosing to hoist the Brit up onto his shoulder. It was a little wobbly, but Caddy had faith Luke could hold him up there for at least a minute, tops.

Caddy kept one hand planted on Luke’s other shoulder to help keep him upright. He reached up with his free hand. He was able to just touch the ceiling.

He howled out a cheer at the top of his lungs. It felt good.

The door to the classroom creaked open again. Hana stepped out shyly, followed not too far behind by Jirard. Most of Hidden Block was too caught up in their own celebration to notice them slipping away. Jeff caught sight of them, though.

“Uh, hey, Hana,” Jeff called, catching the pink-haired girl’s attention. She paused, turning around to face Jeff. She looked nervous as he approached. Jirard also stopped not too far away.

Jeff awkwardly walked up and extended a hand to her. Hana glanced down at it, before looking up with wide blue eyes. She smiled, taking Jeff’s hand in her own for a gentle handshake.

“Have a good one,” Jeff grinned lazily.

“You too,” She bowed her head slightly. “I’m happy you’re happy.”

“Thanks,” Jeff’s eyes flickered up to where Jirard was waiting for her. “You too.”

Austin trotted up, his hand coming to rest naturally on the small of Jeff’s back. It felt right, even after all that time.

“Paul’s gonna be on your ass for this,” Jirard chuckled weakly.

“Don’t really care, honestly,” Austin smirked. “Not much he can do at this point.”

“True,” Jirard smiled. “Well, I guess I’ll see you around, then.”

“Yeah,” Austin nodded. “Yeah, I’ll see you around.”

Jirard turned his attention to Hana, holding out a hand for her to take. She took it gingerly, their fingers lacing together as they moved down the hallway.

Jeff instinctively reached for Austin’s hand, the taller boy responding automatically, their palms flat together in a tight squeeze. Austin leaned down and kissed Jeff on the cheek. Jeff’s smile stayed, warm and light on his face.

It felt good to win.


	32. Morning Glories and Forget-Me-Nots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A relatively quiet end to the year once all had been said and done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter :') In the main story, at least.
> 
> It's been a wild ride, folks. Thanks for sticking around if you've made it this far.

Caddy decided he wasn’t a fan of valedictorian speeches. Maybe it was just because this one was being delivered by Paul, but that was beside the point.

The rest of Hidden Block was bored, as well. Jimmy and Luke had started a halfhearted game of Othello on one of their phones, Ian was zoning out, Wallid was nodding off...

None of them would be there if it weren’t for the fact Jeff was graduating; They wouldn’t miss that for the world.

The fourth year, soon to be graduate, was a handful of rows up, easy to spot if only for the fact he was bouncing excitedly in his seat. He was ready to get the hell out of this school.

Hidden Block booed as Paul wrapped up his speech, not that anyone could hear them over the louder cheering of the crowd.  _ They  _ knew it was there, though, and that’s what mattered.

Jeff got hurried off the stage for flipping off the audience and screaming at the top of his lungs after being handed his diploma. Hidden Block howled in return, the five of them in the audience doing their best to be louder than the rest of the crowd this time around.

It had been an odd year. A stressful, wonderful, beautifully disastrous mess of a year.

Hidden Block was back on the map, there was no pressure on them to follow any more of Normal Boots’ rules. They got their yearbook picture and Luke’s music was back on the radio. They were free to return to whatever they’d been doing before.

There was some permanent social consequence, obviously. Normal Boots had backed up on them but teenagers don’t forget drama easily. They had each other, though. They were fine.

Austin disbanded Normal Boots only a couple days before graduation.

“What’s the point in it existing anymore?” He’d shrugged. “Literally five out of the eight of us are graduating. They won’t even be around, so, I guess that’s that.”

Everyone liked the sound of that.

“Hey, guys!” Jeff came up to them practically skipping after the ceremony had ended.

“Lucky bastard,” Jimmy tisked playfully as Jeff approached them. “You’re leaving us behind.”

“Not yet,” Jeff wrinkled his nose, sticking out his tongue. “You’ve gotta deal with me for a little while longer.”

The happy look slowly faded from his face.

“God, I know this sounds stupid, but this feels like goodbye? I know it isn’t because like, you’re all coming over on Saturday but... you know. Something about this feels...  _ final _ . I dunno...” Jeff shrugged. “It’s just a weird feeling.”

He looked over to the school building pensively.

“Like... I’m never coming back here. Weird.”

“Ah, there you are! I got caught up with Jirard,” Austin called, pushing his way out of the crowd. He wasted absolutely no time at all siding up to Jeff, who in turn grabbed Austin firmly by the lapels of his jacket and crushed their lips together.

Austin made a squeak of surprise, his hands trying and failing awkwardly for a moment to find a place to rest. When he finally settled on Jeff’s waist the shorter boy pulled back.

“I love you, you dumb fuck,” Jeff beamed. Austin just blinked.

“I love you too,” Austin laughed airily, still partially in shock.

Jeff turned to look at Hidden Block.

“I’ll see you all on Saturday, right?” He raised an eyebrow, still grinning.

“Duh, of course,” Jimmy scoffed. “Do you even have to ask?”

“Just making sure you all aren’t abandoning me now that I’m now officially legally more mature than you,” Jeff stuck up his nose with a giggle.

“You haven’t been graduated for more than ten minutes,” Austin snorted. “Already getting high and mighty on us?”

“Mighty? Yes. High? Not yet,” Jeff turned back to Austin, giggling once again as he pulled the taller boy down again, to which Austin happily obliged.

“Eww, get a room,” Jimmy stuck his tongue out in mock disgust.

“Well fine, we will,” Jeff stuck his tongue out in return. “So there.”

Austin rolled his eyes. He shifted his hands up to Jeff’s to hold them, lacing their fingers together.

“We should get goin’, princess,” He said. “Your parents probably want to see you. They’re probably looking for you in the crowd.”

“Yeahhh,” Jeff drawled. “I guess.”

Jeff swung their arms loosely, locked together by their fingers.

“I’ll walk you over there,” Austin offered.

“Mkay,” Jeff hummed.

Austin leaned down, kissing Jeff on the cheek.

“Come on, let’s go,” Austin started gently pulling Jeff towards the crowd. He glanced up at the rest of the boys before they made it too far away. “See y’all on Saturday.”

“See ya, man,” Luke waved them out. They disappeared into the mass of people.

Jimmy’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He took it out, clicking it open to see his notifications.

“Oh, Wallid, that’s our cue, too,” Jimmy looked over to Wallid, stuffing his phone back in his pocket.

“Alright!” Wallid chirped.

“Adios, dipshits,” Jimmy saluted Luke, Ian, and Caddy. “See you on Saturday.”

“Oh, just get going before someone steals your bikes,” Ian scoffed, waving a hand at the two younger boys.

“Yeah, yeah,” Wallid snickered. “See ya!”

The two of them trotted off, leaving Caddy with Luke and Ian.

Caddy’s phone also vibrated, a pulse letting Caddy know his parents were also probably there to pick him up. He’d taken the bus to the school. His family hadn’t come, it wasn’t like  _ he _ was the one graduating, he was only going for Jeff.

-

_ Rosie: Hey!!! We’re in the parking lot! I came along lol _

-

Caddy felt a smile immediately slip onto his face. It’d been too long since he’d seen his sister. Another reason his parents hadn’t come with him was that they had gone to pick her up from the academy.

-

_ Caddy: One sec! Be right there _

-

“Ah... Excuse me...” A nervous voice called from behind the trio. Ian whipped around.

“Josh?”

“Hi...” Josh smiled wryly. He shifted uncomfortably in place. “Ian, I-“

Ian crushed him in a hug without another word.

“Don’t,” Ian sighed. “Whatever you have to say, it’s okay.”

Josh stood, frozen in place for a moment. He slowly moved to cling to the back of Ian’s shirt, suddenly blinking back tears.

“You keep in touch, okay?” Ian mumbled. “I want to hear how your summer goes.”

“Yeah,” Josh sniffled. “Yeah, I’ll do that.”

The hug lasted a little while longer before Josh pulled away.

“I should go... But I promise I’ll keep in touch.”

“Good,” Ian smiled softly. “I’ll see you around.”

Josh nodded, mirroring Ian’s smile. He wandered off, glancing over his shoulder and waving as he went.

“I’m gonna head off too, guys,” Caddy declared.

“Everyone’s ditching us,” Luke chuckled. “See ya later, Cads.”

“Bye, Caddy,” Ian added.

“See you Saturday,” Caddy smiled, backing away before turning around and starting towards the parking lot.

He walked in silence, though he was still surrounded by the noise of the crowd.

“Hey, Caddy, wait up,” Ian called from behind him. 

“Yeah?” Caddy turned to face him. He’d jogged quickly to catch up with the Brit, slowing to a walk until he was just a foot away.

“I wanna talk with you,” Ian said simply.

“Uh, yeah, go for it,” Caddy cleared his throat, shifting on his feet.

“Okay. Uh... Well, first off,” Ian chewed on his lip, also shifting in place, his arms coming to cross in front of his chest. “I guess what I’m trying to say is I get what Jeff was saying, about this all feeling  _ final _ , for whatever reason. So I don’t really know what’s prompting this other than the fact I guess it feels right to, but... I wanted to say thank you. Just, for everything.”

“I... Ian...”

“Just shut up and let me finish, idiot,” Ian huffed. “Jesus... Anyway, thank you. For, like, sticking around, and joining Hidden Block, and helping us deal with the whole shit-show and... y’know... especially for helping me and Luke.”

He sighed, looking down at his shoes.

“You’re, uh, not exactly subtle, you know.”

“I-I don’t... I didn’t,” Caddy stammered. He wasn’t  _ that _ obvious. Was he?

“Caddy,” Ian breathed out a laugh. “Look... Don’t worry about it, okay? I just wanted to let you know that it’s fine.”

“Y-yeah...” Caddy trailed off. He cleared his throat sharply. “Just so, u-uhm,  _ you _ know, I haven’t really said it out loud but I’m happy for you guys,  _ really _ , and I know I’m the one that needs to get over it.”

It’d been months and he still hadn’t really gotten to that...

“Caddy,” Ian snorted, shaking his head. “It’s fine, take your time. I know how crushes go.”

“Yeah...” Caddy echoed himself.

“Well,” Ian clapped his hands together. “Guess I should be going, and you should too.”

“Right,” Caddy took a deep, heavy breath in. “I’ll see you on Saturday then.”

“See you Saturday,” Ian’s lips twitched up into a lazy smile. He turned and walked away.

Caddy breathed out through his nose once Ian had made it a little ways away.

He nodded to himself, turning around to walk the rest of the way to the parking lot. He found his parents’ car right where Rose said they would be.

“Hey,” Rosie said as soon as Caddy was seated, the car door closed behind him.

“Hi,” Caddy smiled.

“It’s been a bit,” She grinned right back. “How did your year go?”

“Oh, you know,” Caddy turned to look out the window. He saw Ian, barely visible now in the crowd collected in front of the school. 

“It wasn’t bad,” He said. “Could’ve gone better, but, honestly? Not bad.”


End file.
